Why does helping people hurt so much
Posted by BreakingPoint in Family on Sep 8th, 2010 | 4 commentsMy mom just recently lost her job, I am a 17 year old female who has had a steady job since the age of 15 my 19 year old brother has had 1 job in his whole life(I’ve had 3) I help my mom pay bills and I help pay for a little of her wedding when I have the money but since she lost her job she has started keeping all of my paycheck so I have no money. I love helping people I really do. I hardly ever ask for anything in return(all of what I ask for is help in return but I don’t ask often because it makes me feel guilty). I am a senior in high school and school recently started back up the 1st week of school I worked 64 hours and went to school keeping up with all of my homework so my mom would stay happy. My brother broke his phone and is getting a new one bought for him(with the paycheck my mom took from ME!). I have to come up with money for college, drivers ed, a car, and a house for me and my boyfriend. Along with paying all the bills and buying grocery’s I have to come home every night from work and clean the house then cook dinner before I can get my homework done. With all my friends asking for help and advice on their lives and dealing with my home life and school and work I am getting so stressed out and depressed. my routine is wake up, school, get out go to work, come home clean, cook, homework, run a mile, shower, and bed. Nothing else. It depresses me to the point I feel like I am breaking and I have nothing to hold onto… I need help and no one can see it…I cry everyday and I cry myself to sleep every night. Nobody can see that I am breaking…not even my boyfriend understands how bad off I am…I haven’t thought of suicide in 2 almost 3 years and I thought of it for the first time today I really contemplated it…I have also started feeling like turning to cutting is my only release from this horrible pressure I feel. I have a weight on my shoulders that I can lift…not by myself…it may sound stupid but it is truly how I feel. I need help but nobody will help me…I’m screaming out here and no one seems to be able to here me…I feel so lost and alone and scared…I’m breaking and I fear if I break again I won’t be fixable….=/ how do I deal with all this pressure?
4 Responses to “ “Why does helping people hurt so much”
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Stop taking care of everyone else and start taking care of yourself. Say “no”. You’re not establishing your boundaries with your family and it’s killing you. You have to stand up for yourself, and you have to stop letting them take advantage of you.
Stop cleaning the house. It’s not your job, and frankly, if your mom and brother aren’t working they have plenty of time to help out. Make them a deal – you’ll help with the bills if they help you with whatever you need help with. If they don’t… No money. Stay calm and don’t argue, just tell them how it is and stick to your guns. Open a new account and leave your checks at work until you can deposit them (or get direct deposit).
And what’s the deal with all the cutters lately? Is that a new fad now?
Hi, I’ve read this and I’m deeply touched. Can you take care of yourself with your own money?
If you can, you have to say NO to your mother and brother, and go and stay with your boyfriend until you have the money for a place of your own.
I would hate my family if they did this to me.
Lots of love and good luck,
Steffi :) xxx
It is nice that you’ve offered to help out your mom. But… technically, if you’re seventeen, she should still be taking care of you.
There are too many expectations put on you at seventeen.
Is there any adult figure who can help you through this?
If not… Do you feel strong enough to stand up to your mom on your own?
You are way too young to have this much pressure and that many responsibilities. Look after yourself and at 17 you don’t owe anyone anything. As a minor your mom is supposed to look after you not the other way around. It seems like you have an incredible future with your smarts and work habits. As for your situation and feelings this too shall pass and you will see better days. Ask for help before depression gets worse.
I recall an old proverb, “You are but a young willow trying to be a mighty oak, but you should remain a willow for you can bend and sway with the stress of the winds of life while the mighty oak cracks from it”.
Lastly, don’t do “IT”. The world needs people like you. Good luck.