Who’s the failure now?
Posted by Hope in Family on Jun 14th, 2011 | 14 commentsFor as long as I can remember, my mother has never loved me.
She called me names ranging from freak to useless bitch.
She is a self-proclaimed devout Christian who likes to use the Bible as an excuse to punish me for no particular reason. Whenever I did something wrong, she would call me Satan’s daughter, and that I’ll go to hell when I die.
She is manipulative, and saw me as an excuse to vent her anger and frustration because of her failed marriage. She likes yell and scream at me whenever she feels like it.
When I was in high school, she took great lengths in isolating me from my friends. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with them on weekends, or speak to them on the phone.
She likes to make promises, then turns right around and said she never made any promises. It really hurts when the person you’re supposed to trust lies right in your face.
After I entered university, she continues to hound me and tries to keep me at home by promising me superficial/trivial benefits (needless to say, I moved out). She eventually “convinced” me to move back by threatening to throw away my things. It was also during my college years that the name-calling upgraded to failure, a complete waste, and trash.
She said I’ll never have any accomplishment, and she should’ve stopped having kids after my sister was born. She made sure I know this everyday.
I am now 25. I currently live with my father. I have found my ideal career as a kindergarten teacher. I work and earn my own source of income, and I am working towards a postgraduate diploma in psychology. Eventually, I hope to further my education and get a Masters or even a Doctorate in education or psychology (meaning I better start saving money now, lol).
I haven’t spoken to my mother in almost 4 years, and I have no intention of contacting her. Last I heard, she lives alone, “working” as a freelance writer, and bounce from job to job (but could never hold a job for long because she couldn’t stand her co-workers). She has no stable income, and often borrows money from relatives.
Still think I’m a failure, mother?
14 Responses to “ “Who’s the failure now?”
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Hang on! I don’t remember writing this! But it’s all very familiar…
Chin up, you’ll go far!
BTW, I’m aiming for a masters in forensic psychology…;)
Hi, your mom sounds like my mom. My mom has borderline personality disorder. It helps me when dealing with her to know that she is the one with the problem, and I can stategize on how to handle situations that always come up. Good luck!
Thanks… and you may be right. Coincidentally, my professor talked about borderline personality disorder in one of my psych classes, and after listening to the symptoms and comparing some past events, I realized it fits many of my mother’s behaviors. While I don’t want to make assumptions until my mother has been properly diagnosed (which may never come), I take comfort knowing that all this may actually be due to her illness, and not because I’m a bad daughter.
Hope,
You have prevailed. There are more of us like you than you may even realize…you are not alone. Break the cycle, don’t let your upbringing determine how you will parent yours. I too, was a product of a dysfunctional parent. She never knew her grandchildren, she never got to see what I became, I refused her that privledge, she wasn’t deserving. Through research on the internet, I learned that my mother passed away over 4 years ago. I’m sure she was lonely and bitter and can only hope she had regrets. We are strong and have overcome….hold your head high and remember to never allow the cycle to continue.
Sounds like you have a narcissist for a mother, Look up “narcissits suck” its a great website that I came across afew years ago, and let me tell you, it explains alot. You and I sound alot alike, and I like you havent talked to my mother in years, nor do I want to, she tries everything in her power to get my attention, I just go about what I do and pretend she’s not even around. Check out that website, I promise you, once done reading some other ppl’s situations, you’ll see that WE ARE NOT ALONE…. Take Care
you….are awesome….crappy situation with you moms, i’m sorry you have to endure that drama all those years… YOU are true inspiration to remember to keep moving up and forward to rid the people that keep you down and out of you life…..good job for sure!
Right on, sister! I broke contact with my abusive family almost five years ago and have never been happier!
You…are…GREAT. I’m happy for you, but if I were you couldn’t help but try to rub some of that success in her face.
I read something on the Internet called victim of a narcissits it discribes my life like you would not belive!!!! I tried to forgive her for all the pain she caused me and then she started dateing a man that raped me and still feels like I should be apart of her miserable life and I’m determined to be like you strong ladies and never speek to that bitch again!! I can’t wate for him to make a complete ass of her and I can’t wate to get that phone call ” ahh yea ,,, ur mom passed ” it would be such a relief and that’s porbally the only way I could forgive her
Good for you. Now let it go. Life will be so much greater. I am happy to hear this story.
Your story sound sad. I’m sorry that your mother obviously had a lot of problems. It sounds as if you did the best thing for yourself by severing ties with her. Still though it seems as if part of you is concerned about her well being. Have you forgiven your mother so that you can make peace with her or with yourself or is this something you even want to do? You’ll decide for yourself what’s possible. I believe that our lives are much better without destructive people in them but at the same time, for me, harboring grudges doesn’t make me feel better about myself. I have let go of a few people with love, have forgiven them and feel content with our estrangment.
Well you just keep ur distance, Its better this way!!
Its been 7 years since I laid eyes on my mother. Sadly, these moms will never see their faults or the pain they cause others. You are bold and strong to disengage totally.
Best of luck to everyone who has walked or is mustering the courage to walk away.
Sometimes people have to walk away but it doesn’t sound as if her mind is settled about her mother. What she needs to do is make peace with the woman. Then maybe she can move on with her life completely. She is a very sad person who obviously needs years of therapy to work through the harm that has been done her. Moving on from her mother without adequate closure just might keep the pain alive indefinitely. What do you think?