Trapped….
Posted by Anonymous in Family on Jan 11th, 2012 | 5 commentsI have three wonderful children, and a man who loves me. Yet most days I think of running away. I love my family, but so often i feel trapped in a life I have control over. I care for them all without fail, and while I love what I am, I feel like I could be so much more! The guilt kills me, but I can’t help what I feel. Am I a horrible person?
5 Responses to “ “Trapped….”
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Don’t beat yourself up – It is common to think about what if or what could be. The reality is that you have something very valuable, but you are under pressure with the kids. Hang in there!
Dear Miss,
No, you are fine person and you aren’t trapped in your current situation either.
It sounds though as if you need to take some time to figure out what else you’d like to accomplish. Do you work or have completed training for some specific study? Are you interested in broadening your interests in some other way? If so, why not take some time to figure out what else you’d like to do or achieve. Then go for it. Once you do this, you probably will feel more fulfilled and no longer trapped. Take care now and be well.
Hey sweetie, I too am a mother of three. I’m not with my children’s father anymore but none the less I am still a parent.
You’re not a bad person. Good and bad are things we’re taught when we’re young by parents who don’t have a clue. They’re both basic adjectives and they’re subjective. Every human being is neither completely one or the other.
Okay, with that being said, let me say that I would bet money on that little nagging feeling being something called intuition. It is your intuition telling you that you were and are meant to lead a different sort of life. This doesn’t mean you can’t be a mother or a wife, it simply means that you’re missing a world of possibilities because of what you *think* being a mother and a wife means.
I’m sure your family is wonderful, and though you and your husband have your issues, you’re happy in your marriage. Well, lets look at an example real quick: What happens with a lot of men who try to live monotonous lives and do the “right thing”? They cheat and/or they play fantasy football until they fade away into a mere resemblance of who they used to be. Most men are built to work and explore and have adventures, so when they enter into relationships when deep down inside they aren’t ready, they experience consequences… then we call them “bad people”. Sure, I cannot generalize all men into that one statement, but you understand what I’m trying to say. Well, what makes women so different? We do what we think is in our hearts to do, and we lead the lives society thinks we should lead, but we still feel empty inside… why? It is because we throw in the towel and make families all too quick, then we forget about ourselves. We abandon our autonomy and become “mom” and “wife”. We stop being creative and creating on our own, instead we devote every ounce of our worries to our family because we think that’s what we’re supposed to do. Well, that isn’t a way to live.
You cannot abandon yourself, especially if you’re raising a daughter. You’ve got to teach her to be strong and follow her dreams. You are still a person outside of your family and this cannot be forgotten, because honestly sweetie when you die you will die alone. You won’t take your family with you, so when you’re on your death bed don’t you want to look back and know that YOUR full potential was given its go at life?
I bet there is an amazing artist stirring inside of you struggling to get out, but your fears are holding her back. I bet there’s a woman inside of you who can lead your family to the next level of happy, independent existing, but for some reason you’re afraid to let that woman shine. Your life is not your husbands, or your children’s— It’s yours. You are simply sharing yourself with your husband and your children on this journey.
Wake up! There are blogs you can write, books on Amazon you can order, You can do affirmations and start developing your intentions; there are steps you can take to bring out your full potential! Utilize them!
Do not abandon yourself or else you will live with the unknown in your heart, and that is, to me, one of the worst things a human being on this planet can do to themselves.
All the power to you :-)
I kinda agree with most comments. We all make mistakes and we are all afriad of judgements from others most of all judgement by our own self.
I think its typical for a family that one of the partners feels this way and its not because its the way it is.
It is because marriage happened for the wrong reasons and problems were swept under the rug. Big changes like vacation, house, children were used as patch up to the marriage…
And now that everything has been done you realise this shouldn’t have been yet you are trapped because you have three children who rely on you and the husband who assumes possibly that everything is ok.
This is a typical situation that a lot of couples go through.
My advice would be carefully trace out the outcomes of staying in the marriage vs not… as if you really want to be more than a trapped mother then you will have more resentment for the children and husband than anything else.
you are not alone. and you are most certainly not a bad person. “trapped” the only word I would use while raising small children as well. mine are 7 and 3 and I long for the days I will have more freedom again. all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother, I had no idea I would be so unhappy in this life.
please talk to someone – anyone you think may understand and not judge you. for me, therapy helped immensely. you cannot help what you feel. but your most important job is raising your children and making yourself hapoy first is in everyone’s best interest.
best of luck to you.