Trapped….

I have three wonderful children, and a man who loves me. Yet most days I think of running away. I love my family, but so often i feel trapped in a life I have control over. I care for them all without fail, and while I love what I am, I feel like I could be so much more! The guilt kills me, but I can’t help what I feel. Am I a horrible person?

7 thoughts on “Trapped….

  1. Wow so many unhappy parents I see here. The only thing I can say is thank god I got a divorce. I think if you feel trapped you should get away for those who you feel are trapping you so their lives can be better because frankly I do not care much for your well being. I think you are a horrible person and let me say why.

    I was someone who from a very early age never wanted children. I wanted to succeed in my career and make something of myself. In college I meet a beautiful woman and in time we would become married. She knew from the get that I did not want kids but since she did I was willing to give it the thought since I loved her more than anything in the world. At the age of 26 as my career was just taking off she got pregnant with twins. Even though this was something I was against at first there was no way I was going to let down the love of my life. So I practically killed myself among working 60 hours a week and making sure I was at every doctor’s appointment, classes or family function. Not to mention all the chores around the house. I Had to make her breakfast and prepare her lunch before I left to work. But I always did what I had to do and I was happy because this was the most important thing to me. She eventually gave birth to the twins and I saw all my hard work pay off as I first carried my healthy son and daughter.

    My schedule never changed I still work the same hours cooked most of the meals and the feeding and changing duties. But again I was happy because I had my family that I had always thought I never wanted.
    In about a Year and half my wife gives birth to my second daughter. I am still doing the same and I never stop doing what I have to do with my life.

    About four or five years down the line my wife comes to me with the same feeling you were having and I not wanting the person I love feeling trapped I tried to do everything I could to accommodate her. She would do her weekend and nighttime activities with her female friends and I would stay home and look after the kids. She then started to say that she wanted a Nine to Five job. While the twins were old enough for preschool the youngest was there yet and so I did the ultimate career sacrifice and quit to go into business for myself to take care of the kids so she could work.

    But even that was not enough for her she still felt trapped even though her job (which paid less than I was making at both my previous and current situations) kept her away from home more than my old job.

    She asked for a divorce. To say I was shocked was an understatement. In court she portrayed me as a workaholic who care more about my job then my family. Her feminist lawyer stated in court that I was an oppressor of women and that my ill behaved children was draining the life out of my wife.

    First my children are not ill behaved, second I did everything I could to make her life better. During the whole divorce processing I was taking care of the kids. The same kids I have never originality wanted but now they were the only thing i really had left in my life.

    The judge a single parent in her own right was able to see passed my now ex wife’s bullshit. Full custody of the kids and I got the house and most of the belongings. As my ex wife was the one with the nine to five the judge was I if I wanted child support and I refused. I wanted nothing to do with my no longer “trapped” ex wife. When I finally broke down it was my kids who were the one who help me back up.

    The next 14 years were the best years for me and my kids. I never told my children about the court proceedings but when they were still preteens they were able to find the transcripts at their mother’s house during a visit. They never forgave her. Going into business for myself in order for me to work form home turn out to be a good thing for me. I make more money currently than I ever could have dreamed and because I make my own hours, I never miss anything of my kids. The twins are now 19 and in college and the 17 about to enter college. All of them are on full rides and even if they did not I still would be able to afford it. I did not really start seriously dating again till a few years ago but my current girlfriend is only 26(which is now my lucky Number). not bad for a 45 year old man. As for my wife, she lost her job about a year after the divorce and has been going for job to job. She can’t keep a stable relationship for more than a few months and her kids hate her.

    So again if you are feeling trapped leave. It probably could be the greatest thing to happen to your husband and kids.

  2. I’m struggling with the same things, except I have two kids. It’s so difficult to tell people what you’re going through without judgment. Find a friend, you’ll be surprised how many women feel this way. Then figure out what you can change. That’s what I’m working on. I’m currently trying to get a career together. It’s a slow-go, which is very frustrating, but it’s what I have to do. From there, I’ll figure what to do next. I love being a mom, but sometimes I fantasize about what it would be like to co-parent.

  3. you are not alone. and you are most certainly not a bad person. “trapped” the only word I would use while raising small children as well. mine are 7 and 3 and I long for the days I will have more freedom again. all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother, I had no idea I would be so unhappy in this life.

    please talk to someone – anyone you think may understand and not judge you. for me, therapy helped immensely. you cannot help what you feel. but your most important job is raising your children and making yourself hapoy first is in everyone’s best interest.

    best of luck to you.

  4. I kinda agree with most comments. We all make mistakes and we are all afriad of judgements from others most of all judgement by our own self.

    I think its typical for a family that one of the partners feels this way and its not because its the way it is.

    It is because marriage happened for the wrong reasons and problems were swept under the rug. Big changes like vacation, house, children were used as patch up to the marriage…

    And now that everything has been done you realise this shouldn’t have been yet you are trapped because you have three children who rely on you and the husband who assumes possibly that everything is ok.

    This is a typical situation that a lot of couples go through.

    My advice would be carefully trace out the outcomes of staying in the marriage vs not… as if you really want to be more than a trapped mother then you will have more resentment for the children and husband than anything else.

  5. Hey sweetie, I too am a mother of three. I’m not with my children’s father anymore but none the less I am still a parent.

    You’re not a bad person. Good and bad are things we’re taught when we’re young by parents who don’t have a clue. They’re both basic adjectives and they’re subjective. Every human being is neither completely one or the other.

    Okay, with that being said, let me say that I would bet money on that little nagging feeling being something called intuition. It is your intuition telling you that you were and are meant to lead a different sort of life. This doesn’t mean you can’t be a mother or a wife, it simply means that you’re missing a world of possibilities because of what you *think* being a mother and a wife means.

    I’m sure your family is wonderful, and though you and your husband have your issues, you’re happy in your marriage. Well, lets look at an example real quick: What happens with a lot of men who try to live monotonous lives and do the “right thing”? They cheat and/or they play fantasy football until they fade away into a mere resemblance of who they used to be. Most men are built to work and explore and have adventures, so when they enter into relationships when deep down inside they aren’t ready, they experience consequences… then we call them “bad people”. Sure, I cannot generalize all men into that one statement, but you understand what I’m trying to say. Well, what makes women so different? We do what we think is in our hearts to do, and we lead the lives society thinks we should lead, but we still feel empty inside… why? It is because we throw in the towel and make families all too quick, then we forget about ourselves. We abandon our autonomy and become “mom” and “wife”. We stop being creative and creating on our own, instead we devote every ounce of our worries to our family because we think that’s what we’re supposed to do. Well, that isn’t a way to live.

    You cannot abandon yourself, especially if you’re raising a daughter. You’ve got to teach her to be strong and follow her dreams. You are still a person outside of your family and this cannot be forgotten, because honestly sweetie when you die you will die alone. You won’t take your family with you, so when you’re on your death bed don’t you want to look back and know that YOUR full potential was given its go at life?

    I bet there is an amazing artist stirring inside of you struggling to get out, but your fears are holding her back. I bet there’s a woman inside of you who can lead your family to the next level of happy, independent existing, but for some reason you’re afraid to let that woman shine. Your life is not your husbands, or your children’s— It’s yours. You are simply sharing yourself with your husband and your children on this journey.

    Wake up! There are blogs you can write, books on Amazon you can order, You can do affirmations and start developing your intentions; there are steps you can take to bring out your full potential! Utilize them!

    Do not abandon yourself or else you will live with the unknown in your heart, and that is, to me, one of the worst things a human being on this planet can do to themselves.

    All the power to you :-)

  6. Dear Miss,

    No, you are fine person and you aren’t trapped in your current situation either.
    It sounds though as if you need to take some time to figure out what else you’d like to accomplish. Do you work or have completed training for some specific study? Are you interested in broadening your interests in some other way? If so, why not take some time to figure out what else you’d like to do or achieve. Then go for it. Once you do this, you probably will feel more fulfilled and no longer trapped. Take care now and be well.

  7. Don’t beat yourself up – It is common to think about what if or what could be. The reality is that you have something very valuable, but you are under pressure with the kids. Hang in there!

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