Selfish Thoughts
Posted by Anonymous in Family on Mar 2nd, 2010 | 3 commentsI have a great husband and three beautiful children. Sometimes I want to go back to being single and child free. The worst part is I went away for a week not that long ago and didn’t miss them much….
3 Responses to “ “Selfish Thoughts”
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It happens…you are not alone. Especially when, as a mother and a wife, you take on most of the workload. Taking care of the family, the home, and the hubby barely leave any ME time. Don’t feel guilty.
This is so true of SO many women.
Women are encouraged to sublimate their own personalities, needs, desires, wants, lives, etc. to be mothers and wives. Men very very rarely have this burden put on them. Even a man who feels like he’s being hijacked by his family into doing a job he hates won’t know what this feels like.
You may have given up a lot of yourself to give all you can to your family. This is a perfectly normal emotional response.
It’s clear you love your husband and children by the way you talk about them. But you have to look after yourself as well.
I suggest getting back to work (if you haven’t already) and making sure that you have adequate childcare support in any case. Perhaps an au-pair or a nanny or just a child-minder to look after the kids in or out of the house a few days a week could make a big difference.
Also if you don’t work and want to stay at home (and I understand that impulse, as much as I’d hate to lose my own identity I still want to be able to be a full-time mum until my children go to school when the time comes) I suggest hat you still look into childcare and start taking evening classes, or join a club (a social club that does something you’re interested in is a great thing. I go to knitting nights at a local knitting shop, but in the past I’ve also met up with friends who were interested in alternative spirituality, a book group, and a group for tired students who just wanted to get out of halls and socialise without having to talk about books and dissertations.)
Try and find something that happens on a regular basis and is just for you. Something that you don’t have to share with anyone.
Also consider talking to a counsellor that can help you work through these feelings and help you stop them from building into resentment.
If you keep going on you could eventually resent your family and this could result in you deciding to leave them one way or another. This may ultimately be the right thing for you but I suspect it’s not what you really want.
Try and get help before it gets that far.
Don’t feel guilty.