My Parents are Driving me Away
Posted by Sick and Tired in Family on Apr 2nd, 2011 | 18 commentsDon’t get me wrong, I love them, but I’ve resigned today, I’ve officially lost the hope that they’ll ever listen to me. I’m sick and tired of hearing I’m wrong or stupid or a liar, and I’m done believing it. I’ve never had alcohol or drugs, I dont curse, Im a virgin and will be till marriage,I play piano at church every other week, and I get almost straight A’s but still my parents say I’m rebellious and malicious. I’d rather be stabbed in the heart than be called malicious. I can’t tell them how I feel without being judged and I’m not allowed to cry or show any feeling other than happiness and “contentment”. I’m honestly scared of talking to them, everything I say CAN and will be used against me. I’m just never good enough for them and I never will be! I feel like no one will care when I post this. it will be another of the million confessions. I just can’t take it anymore. they’re always right and I’m always wrong and if i try to protest then they tell me to shut up and that its just an excuse. But I’m done trying, because they’ll never care as long as I pretend. and no one does care.I’m 15 and I already dream of going to college away from this pressure
18 Responses to “ “My Parents are Driving me Away”
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I don’t know you or your situation, but I know that when I was a 15 year old girl, I felt like you did. My parents were against me, nothing was ever good enough for them, ect, ect. When I grew up I realized that wasn’t true at all. I think its like that for a most teenagers. As you grow up, you struggle to become your own person and you feel this (mostly imagined) tension with your parents. As I became an adult, I saw that for the most part I was imagining things, and even where I wasn’t it was because my parents loved and adored me and wanted the best for me, not because they were juding or controlling me. Now we have a wonderful relationship.
But that’s my experience, I really can’t say what the dynamics in your family are like. But if you can’t talk with them, try talking with a counselor or a pastor or another trusted adult. They can hear you out, and if things are in fact unhealthy with your parents, they can help step in.
thanks for the advise, I guess you’re right in a sense, but my parents never give me the benefit of the doubt and they don’t listen to me 90 percent of the time. I’m not the kind of person that tries to go against her parents, I actually try to listen to them, but I’m kind of a Preacher’s Kid so they always expect me to be perfect. It’s a lot of pressure to know everyone in the church expects you to be little Ms. Perfect you know? but I’ll get through it thanks
Tell your parents how you feel. If they don’t want to hear it, then you got it off your chest and the rest is up to them. You can’t change people. You only have control over your emotions and how you react to what others do to you. You should be able to look to them for support and guidance. They need to know how much their words hurt you and how damaging those words are. When they say those negative things to you tell them that’s it’s a shame they feel that way and maybe it’s a reflection how they truly feel about themselves and their inadequacies. See how they react. You don’t have to believe those awful things they say about you. Those words are just made up stories. You believe otherwise – that you are strong and confident. Empower yourself. You have a bright future ahead of you – don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are insignificant and worthless.
You just described my jr/sr high school years.
Some people are lucky and their relationships with their parents eventually improve.
I completely cut my own mother out of my life 6 years ago and have never been happier.
It would be great to share your thoughts with your folks, but from what you’ve described, they won’t listen anyway. And you’ll probably just get an angry response.
It seems like college is a world away now, but grad will sneak up on you in no time.
Hold on. Be strong.
Thanks I hope it will improve so I don’t have to cut my parents out of my life
My parents freak out over EVERYTHING I do. No matter how hard I try, I can’t convince them that I’m a good girl. My friends aren’t the “best” to hang around. But I live in a small town so I don’t have much to choose from… I was just at the lake with my girlfriends and this guy gave me a hug so now I’m “boy horny” according to my Father. And the weekend before that, I was “crazed lesbian” because of a silly truth or dare game. So, my consequences are I lose my phone, my ten year old sister baby sits me, no friends or swimming at the pool, and…worst of all… And all girl school. I leave everyone. And this was the last thing I could have asked for. But, I guess this is what my punishment is since I’m not a good girl… But, I’m trying harder to convince my parents that I’m a good person. They complain to each other that their devorced “messed me up” but that’s not true at all. And, when I can get my phone back, and people comment and read this, text me. This is my 13th birthday present…
If I were you, I would move away, be it for college or just to escape their negative behaviour. It sounds like they should be looking at themselves! Not you. Remember, you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends! Family are an accident of birth and are un-important if they make you feel inadequate! Be strong and proud of yourself, because if my three kids get A’s and have your morals I shall be very proud. I don’t know you but i’d be proud of a daughter like you! Good luck love
Your parents are delusional. Don’t worry too much about them, try to worry more about yourself.
Your parents want a model child they can flaunt in front of their friends and not worry about when they’re falling asleep, not what’s best for you. What is best for you is probably to be MORE ‘rebellious’, explore the world, other ideas, your own mind and body. That is what is so great about being young – even if you make mistakes, those are the mistakes you’ll learn and grow from. Start a conversation with a vegan or an atheist. Go to a dance party. Dye your hair. Trade music with someone who listens to different generes, and ask them what their favorite songs are and why they like them. Try to understand other people’s points of view. It will make you a more well-rounded, likeable, confident, intelligent person in the long run.
Don’t assume you’re better than kids your age who drink and have sex, and whatever you do, DO NOT save sex for marriage. If you meet someone who is sweet but not sexually compatible with you, your relationship is probably doomed. If you meet a great guy who isn’t into having sex with someone who has ‘saved herself’ (hasn’t been practicing), he will probably cheat on you or move on pretty quick. Safe sex is psychologically and physically healthy, plus it’s a lot of fun.
My parents already think I had sex. I wouldn’t dream of it, though. The worst that I’ve done is just make out with two guys before. This guy Kyle was flirting with me at the lake for one of my friend’s party’s and my Father automatically said he had his hands all over me. Gosh, I can’t stand him. Him and my Mother make me want to go hide in a closet and never come out. I just turned 13 and I’ll admit, I’ve snuck out once or twice, made out with a boy, flirted, dirty dancecd, and made nasty comments. They’re devorced and every time a curse word falls out of my mouth or I day dream about cussing, they freak out and just stare at each other. I don’t try to make them “un proud” of me, but I can’t stand being around them when I can’t relate with my own family…
My situation was much like yours. My parents were not supportive of my achievements but berated me for every flaw. I couldn’t wait to get out. Well here I am, I’m 20 years old and in college. I made it out, and so can you. Don’t let them depress you, focus on the things you love because it will get better, I promise you that. I am happier than I have ever been, and I finally feel accepted by someone. Keep going because you will be ok.
They’re already talking about sending me away to an all girl school. And, everyone I know always says how I’m so great at making friends but I have friends here. And my parents aren’t going to win by sending me away. And my Mother is already scared because of how I express myself. She says that I’m “out there” and that I can’t be weird. Everyone in my family acts like our Grandmother is perfect but I feel we should treat her the same as everyone else. So when I say “What’s up?” as a joke, they all flip because it’s not “lady like” and I just can’t stand them.
Hi. When I was 15 I was also playing piano in church. I lived with a preacher and his wife throughout my teen years (I was in foster care). I, too, did everything I could to be a good daughter. I mean, I really wanted a ‘normal’ family, so I tried so hard to be a good person. Like I said, I played piano in church. I did well at school. I didn’t go on dates, was a virgin, didn’t do drugs, was always respectful and always trying to help around the house. The list goes on and on. Despite that, I lived with years of verbal/psychological abuse. I was always accused of being vain (I got ready for school in 30 minutes and used to pray 30 minutes before that every morning-but was accused of taking an hour to get ready for school). I was made fun of for reading too much. I couldn’t walk through a room without an insult flying my way.
It had a profound affect on me that has lasted well into my adulthood.
It is so hard to be young and have no control over your life. It’s so hard to be treated like something less than a human being. So hard to be in a position where you are always wrong no matter what. It is so hard to not be able to feel comfortable enough to share your feelings. In essence, you don’t feel safe.
You’re 15 and the next few years will fly by so fast. Well…the years will but the days won’t feel like that at all.
You need to find someone you can talk to. If it can’t be your parents, maybe it can be a friend. Maybe it can be a counselor at school (if you trust that person not to repeat anything you’ve said).
It is so hard to be 15. We adults seem to forget that a lot. Hang in there. You’re not alone. Keep getting those good grades. Keep staying away from sex, and if you ever find you change your mind, like others have said…be safe!! Seriously. Being accepted by another person or group is never worth all the awful things that can happen if you have unprotected sex.
What else? College is a great idea. Start planning for that future. Start dreaming and scheming and designing the life that awaits you when you leave home. It will help tremendously.
I hope your relationship with your parents gets better, but if it doesn’t, follow the advice people are giving here and you’ll make it.
Thanks Everyone. I especially liked beenthere’s advice. My parents are now trying to send me away to my grandma’s in Tijuana and I’m scared because it’s a really dangerous town… the thing is I’ve done nothing to deserve that punishment sure I’m not perfect but I try to do my best at everything!
Thanks for the update. You’ve been in my thoughts because your situation sounds so familiar. Unfortunately, even this sending you away tactic sounds familiar. In the family I talked about, that was the solution that used for my brother, who also didn’t do a fraction of what he was accused of doing. It messed him up a lot, and my other brother and I lost him years later when he was only 28. It was type 1 diabetes, but the fact is that he didn’t manage it as well as he could have. Of the three of us, he was probably the most gentle and forgiving, yet he got the lion’s share of the abuse. Go figure.
Super-religious families sometimes seem to be afraid of teenagers simply because they’re teenagers. The media feeds it because any story that makes teenagers out to be sex-crazed druggies is sensationalized. There’s a lot going on here. You ARE changing. Your body and mind are changing–as they should, because in a few short years you will be an adult. Odd though it may be, I think a lot of parents just freak out simply because of these changes. They also freak out when you exhibit any mind of your own, even if that mind isn’t interested in sex, drugs, rock n’ roll…what have you. Unfortunately, some parents are good at parenting young children who believe every word they hear and idolize their parents, and not so good at encouraging their children to grow up and become independent. To become an adult, a whole person, you will have to make your own sense of the world you live in. You may come to believe as your parents, or even agree with their actions at some point (doesn’t sound likely, but who knows?). Or, your path might be different. Whatever the case may be, none of us would be a whole person if we didn’t learn how to think for ourselves, to come to terms with the world as individuals. It sounds to me like your parents don’t know how to deal with this very normal and very important stage of your life, even though you are not doing anything irresponsible or reckless. They are operating out of fears, and it is neither fair nor wise on their part.
Yeah, I haven’t heard great things about Tijuana. I really wish I could help you beyond what I’ve already written. Unfortunately, it sounds like the only way you could avoid this is to pretend to be opinion-less and child-like. Not fun and not fair.
Please update again. I will write more later. Hang in there. You are in my thoughts.
you will you be storge.you knowning that you more more than confider..i don’t known what you going thourgh.i’ll known can make it.
I know what you are going through, because I went through it also. Not to say what you are going through isn’t terrible, but I had it a little worse than you. My parents were also physically abusive, and I was not allowed to go to school. I was ‘homeschooled,’ which basically meant I stayed at home. Any attempts I made to study or prepare for college were seriously hampered.
So I’ve never been to college, don’t have a GED, or a high school diploma. It really sucks. Because of this, I ran away from home with the first guy who was pretty nice to me. I regret it.
Hindsight is 20/20 they say, and I have some good advice for you. Since you are in school, that’s a start. Get a job, save your money. Use the time you have, and plan for later. Once you are in college, don’t get into the scene of spending all the money that comes your way. Save it.
If you have enough savings, then you won’t have to depend on your parents when you get out of college. Your parents should pay for your college, and I recommend taking summer classes, so you can finish your degree sooner. Put however much distance between yourself and your parents as you feel comfortable with.
I no longer speak with my parents, who spread lies about me as soon as I left home. My dad taught classes on the Bible, and how to live right. So I know all about keeping up appearances. It gets to you, and can actually be a deterrent from developing a true relationship with Christ. If your religious behavior is based on what other people expect of you, and not what you feel God wants you to do, you need to re-evaluate.
I am praying for you, and hope that things will get better. If you do get sent to Tijuana, pray, pray, pray. God will never allow you into a situation you can’t handle. And it might be better, since you won’t have to deal with your parents anymore. Grandparents tend to spoil kids, so maybe your life will improve.
Good luck, and God bless!
i’m 13 and feel like i wanna go to a boarding school where i don’t have to see my parents.
You want to? I don’t! I have to, though.