mother dearest
Posted by anonymous in Family on Feb 3rd, 2009 | 2 commentsi know i tell you everything, but today when you looked at me and said “i feel like there is a whole other side of you i dont know” …you were right. starting in 8th grade i began lying to you. telling you i was somewhere when i wasnt and all that. but then i stopped after 8th grade until the end of 9th. i wen to college partys with older friends i met through cheer. i hooked up with 19 and 20 year olds at 15. i let them finger me. you thought me and my boyfriend freshman year we so innocent but we werent…i would go to his house while you were still at work and we would do sexual things until his mom came home then i sneaked out and came home and said i was at a friends house. i got drunk for my first time at the end of freshman year. this past summer, i got drunk, high, did ectasy, shrooms, snuck out a few times a week. i was barely sober. i was never were i said i was. i lost m virginity with my ex. this year i was starting fresh…the other night i snuck out and went to a rave. me and my boyfriend have sex. i drink sometimes. smoke weed sometimes. bought a bong. and i know that we are a very christian family…but i feel like i lost touch in 7th grade..so i started all this. i broke up with my boyfriend cuz i lost interest and now like another guy and everyone hates me. im depressed. need to find god again..i know that…but i dont want to. i have no one. sorry im not the christian, perfect, cheerleader, surfer girl, track star, perfct boyfriend, and nice friends girl that you think i am. i think you know i lie to you…but you wont admit it because i tell you everything that isnt bad. and you love the thought of you being my bestfriend…but you would murder me if you knew the truth…but you dont care s long as i get good grades. i lerned this shit from dad.
love,
your 16 year old daughter
2 Responses to “ “mother dearest”
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this could have been written by me. except, you could be worse – i have had more sex than my parents, i think. and done more shit than imaginable. but it all started in 7th grade…and i’m 16 too. i hope your mom won’t find out, cus mine did, and now i’m in deep shit. be strong, crawl out of the shticircle. you can do this.
There are good things and there are bad things right? says who? what makes one thing good and another thing bad? then there are mixtures of pain and healing, like a shot that hurts to get but is full of the medicine you need.
You know deep down, like you said, that God is the center of all things. What we call good and bad was called good and bad by Him first. think about it. where else did the measurement come from? why dose doing “what you want” leave you with depression?
God never promised life would be easy. luckily he did say that the pain would be short and the result of the cure would be longer and more peaceful than you could ever imagine.
You lost touch with “Christianity” and it almost makes sense. I don’t know what your church situation is but I have seen a number of churches filled with plastic Christians who love gospel music and have no idea who Jesus is.
The fun deal is this: It is generally accepted that teenagers deal with a LOT of crap, so, use that expectation to your advantage. Does your church have a councilor? Tell your parents that you are dealing with some things that you would like to talk to them about but can’t yet. Talk to the councilor and get them to on your side and help you. Are you going to get in trouble? most likely. but you are getting older now and its time for you to buck up and take the pain of the shot that will lead to healing.
Think about where you will be in 20 years. if you are this depressed now, where will you mind and heart be then?
Know that you are loved.