I love my kids but hate my life since being a mom.

I have dedicated my life to being a good mom since having my three boys. They are all very strong willed which makes keeping behaviour very challenging. No one would understand this if they have compliant children. This temperament is something they are born with and it is not derived from parenting. No one understands this and when they see three unruly boys, I am automatically blamed as a poor parent. I have been given parenting tips from moms who have one child and it is a girl. I have always done my best to overachieve in life and accomplish really good results. I have tried many different strategies and doctors and I just can’t seem to make it better for our home. They are really rambunctious boys. I am beside myself. I at many times think that I hate being a mom, but I love my kids. And yes, I have seen a doctor and I am on antidepressants.

86 Responses to “ “I love my kids but hate my life since being a mom.”

  1. Zee says:

    You can only try your best, Mom!

    Maybe there is an activity that helps release some of that energy, a sport perhaps?

    • Anonymous says:

      Thanks!!

      Yes they are all in sports…

      • T says:

        I can certainly understand. I have a daughter with Aspergers, ODD and ADHD. I struggle everyday with other “people” blaming my parenting, pointing fingers etc…. Until u are in this situation it is hard to really say you understand. I work as a Social worker in a mental health agency and I have learned all the coping skills etc to deal with these behaviours but to no avail.

        Its really too bad that others feel the need to judge or pass the blame to the parent. I also dont enjoy being a mom because its so darn stressful when dealing with children who are more defiant than “normal” children.
        All I do is find ways to deal with my stress and fustration…and hope for the best!!

    • anon says:

      I can relate. I will tell you what I tell myself. SUCK IT UP! YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES!!

      • Anonymous says:

        Interesting. Of course I take care of my responsibilities. I just can’t stand my life while doing them. If you dont have kids that really stir it up you just can’t understand. It makes your life suck. There…

        • Anonymous says:

          I completely understand and feel there is no one I can express my frustrations to. My daughter has adhd and is adopted. from the outside all is rosy but inside our family is chaos and anger. I really feel we need to track down people nearby who understand. I’m going to contact a local adhd group to hopefully stop myself from going mad! This to me is a subtle disability that only those close to it get it, not even teachers or relatives. so find some support from those going through it and good luck from the uk xxx

      • Rose says:

        That was too harsh of a comment to say you have responsibilites suck it up. I dont agree. I can empathize with you, it seems like this other person cant.

      • Kelly says:

        What an asinine comment. Seriously.

    • john says:

      I feel the same. From the moment I come home from work, the kids act up in unison, causing me to scream, discipline, they are screaming and backtalking. It is horrible every day. —- wits end..

  2. Anonymous says:

    You should probably look into seeing if Supernanny can come to your home and help. I have watched the program many times and she has helped the most unruly of children.

    • Anonymous says:

      I have watched supernanny too and it is very obvious how staged it all is…

      Also, I work full time and have no nanny. My husband helps alot in the house but we are so busy just keeping up with what needs to be done, who can follow you kids and apply all the super strategies unless you block off school, work and everything else…. it is very unrealistic…

      Thanks for your comment though!

  3. AlphaMale says:

    WHere is the dad? IT is his fault. the moms job is to nurture, the dad’s job is to teach these boys to become men and set limits. I have heard of soo many stories with unruly children, and it’s always because of non-existant fathers or soft fathers. we need to bring the hard core discipline of the 50′s back into this world.

    If there is no man in your life, then find a nice soldier that will love you and will discipline these kids. one way to do it is to move into another home, so that it’s a fresh start for these rug rats, and you break up what they are normally used to. It’s called tear down an re-build. also, a few weeks away from their mommy, might help spawn a new image of you as they clearly don’t respect you. They need to see you not as the “warden” but as a provider.

  4. losingmymind says:

    I have 3 children, my youngest is 3 1/2 and very challenging. I am at my wits end. I am crying all the time out of pure frustration and I just can’t take it anymore. He threw his food at dinner tonight and took crackers out of the kitchen and crumbled them in the living room. He throws his toys at things and laughs. In the bathtub tonight he started throwing heaps of water onto the floor and toliet. I could go on and on. My older children never behaved this badly. I have tried everything even spanking which I use to not approve of at all. Nothing works. Nothing. I love him dearly but I am losing my mind here…

    • Anonymous says:

      I am in the same boat. I have three children two girls and a 3 1/2 yr old boy. My girls are so easy and my son is a monster. I do love him but OMG I don’t know how much more I can take. I have story after story too. I want to go to work full time and drop him in daycare to get away from it all. It is so hard.

      • Anonymous says:

        I hear you… I thought it would get better but it doesn’t they just get tougher and mouthier and my depression gets worse. I never imagined my life to be like this. I used to dream of getting married and having kids. Now I dream of how wonderful my life was before all that and I had no clue at the time. I hear you with story after story… I am so exhausted.

        • Anonymous says:

          I have the same problem. I feel like a failure. At times I want to walk away and leave my husband and the babies. I hate the up tight nut of a person I have become. I think we would all be better off if I leave. I can’t control my son. and I am out of ideas

          • Iloverabbits says:

            I tell people I don’t want kids and they act like I’m crazy. It seems i may not be so crazy after all. I’m sorry you’re all being dehumanized by your children…

          • A mother says:

            You are a wonderful person and mother, thankyou for confirming what many of us other mothers feel, you are not alone. We all love our families, but there are definately times when walking away seems like a solution. Hang in there, no man or woman is an island, yet that’s how many people treat each other.

          • Carol says:

            You have taken the words right out of my mouth. I write this with tears streaming down my face.

    • Lisa says:

      It’s funny you should say you cry all the time, my eyes are burning reading your story, I just finished crying. I came to read these stories to know I’m not alone. I too have a challenging situation, two kids ages 2 and 3 months, I think I’m going crazy. I often wonder why did I “rock the boat” so to speak and have another one. I love them dearly but man am I in a funk right now, wishing I could fast forward time. Does it get easier?

  5. KD says:

    I know what you are talking about! I have 4 and the youngest 3 constantly fight, break their glasses, windows, walls etc. It is hard to be nice to them with this going on everday (calls from school etc.). They are all around 10 years old.

  6. maggie says:

    I don’t have kids, so maybe I shouldn’t stick my oar in. But my cousin has three boys and a girl, and if her facebook status is any indication, she’s ready to pull her hair out some days too. Just remember that this won’t last forever. They will grow up, and it sounds like you’re doing fine, so the craziness will not last forever. Please hang in there.

    • DailyGrind says:

      It seems nice of you to offer encouragement, but if you do not have children, you really do not have any credibility here. Yes, perhaps you should not interject your opinions in places such as this were moms dealing with daily hell are pouring their hearts out. Cliche statements like “it won’t last forever” are really not helpful at times like these. I need to get through today, tomorrow, & the next day, and the next month…

      • Laura O. says:

        She most certainly has credability because these are all the same people that will try to convince her to have kids, “because it’s all sooooo worth it.” I don’t have kids either (by choice) and never see anything that makes me regret my choice. If anything, I see things like this that remind me of the bullet I dodged. Whew! I would be on serious drugs too.

  7. Every parent of spirited children is with you. My wife is tough. I am tough (and a Marine to boot) and we still battle every day with those strong willed little wanna-be dictators.
    Take comfort in the fact that they will be very independent people one day, and FIGHT! We are with you!

  8. Anon says:

    I am on the same page! I often think “Why did I ever have kids?!” I love my kids, but it is so difficult to do everything! I work full time. I often wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t have children and I sometimes fantasize about taking off and never coming back. Yes, I too, am on anti-depressants and seeing a psychologist! Good luck everyone!

  9. Joe says:

    I can relate to your problems and then some. I have been a husband for 15 years and since 2000 we had 3 kids. The first wasn’t so tough, but the last 2 have been “different”. I love all the kids completely but am miserable at the same time. I think the big problem with parenting is that you get stuck. It is especially troubling if you have unfinished business in your personal life. I love my wife but hate my life. I have been a very ambitious dreamer since the day I was born. But I was also raised in a state that lacks opportunity and had parents who didn’t care. And I got married when I left home for the first time. You tend to find things out about yourself later on. And when kids get mixed with it, it tends to become an ugly situation. As much as I love my kids, they get in my way a lot. I think its necessary for some people to be allowed to live a self-serving life to find their place. Conformists have no sympathy for anyone who doesn’t follow the standard way of life. I am no conformist because it doesn’t treat everyone as unique. And that we are. I can tell you that you should park yourself wherever you need to be, regardless if its with or without the kids. If you spend your life being miserable, your kids will become the same way. Its better to put them with someone who doesn’t have the same needs you do.

    • BusyCrazyMom says:

      Joe, sounds to me like a cop-out especially the last line you wrote. I’m guessing you’re the either the divorced dad, the dad who is never around, or the dad who thinks he’s there when he’s actually not. I too am very ambitious, I too have unfinished business in my life, but I am here for my children. I have four, I am going to school, and my husband works two jobs. It’s real tough. Some days I just lock myself in a room for a few minutes to refill my cup, so to speak. My parents are dead and my husband’s parents are not as supportive as they believe themselves to be. It would be ideal if they were more supportive, but my husband and I brought these children into the world. Just like you, Joe, brought yours into the world. They did not ask to be here. It is your responsibility to love them, care for them, nurture them, teach them, support them, and guide them.

      • Kelly says:

        BusyCrazyMom:

        Not everyone is the same as you – remember that. I see nothing wrong with Joe’s honesty – if you can’t handle reading things that differ from your own personal view/experience, then refrain from doing so. And yes, I am a mother.

  10. Kay-See says:

    While the advice I was looking for was a little lacking… I don’t think I’ll be giving the kids away or hiring super nanny, It did help my mood to see that its not just me. I have a 4 yr old son and a 2 year old daughter. Everyday its the same constant whining, needing, fighting, screaming, crying, not to mention the HUGE messes they make over and over and over again. Glad to know I’m not alone in my frustrations.

    • Karen R says:

      I have 3 year old twin girls and a 7 year old girl. I was starting to think that it was just the dynamics between girls that made it so unbearable at times. I to are pulling my hair out and feel I can’t take it much longer, the fighting and whining and screaming is driving me crazy and at times feel quite depressed about waking up in the morning and having to go through it again. I was feeling that their behaviour was all my fault as I have become a cranky, angry and inpatient mother and I am starting to feel that they are reacting to me. It feel like a vicious circle, it feels comforting to hear that I’m not alone

  11. diane says:

    Hello all my fellow mothers

    i never realized that so many people struggle with parenting and self satisfaction, and happiness. I come from a family where we just don’t talk about our problems, never mind let people see we have problems.

    My sister has two kids and i swear its staged to look picture perfect and I look at myself with my daughter and i feel like a mess…

    i am struggling with myself so much, i have one daughter and i have days where i just hate being a mom i want to be able to have no ties and just be free with nothing to hold me back

    everything always end up being about watching out for her and my husband and i have no time for me… there are so many expectations and demands and sometimes i just wanna scream

    how can people keep up with the constant demand i am so high strung that i hate my life. i cant make my mind up about anything i am so lost i was a law student before and now i hate law i hate everything and i cant make up my mind i just don’t know what to do
    and all i can think about is that i need a better job and i feel that i cant be happy with anything, Im always mad and frustrated and pissed at the world.

    I have a great daughter why do i hate my life!!!!!!

    • D says:

      OMG I feel the same way! I love my kids but don’t know why I HATE everything! I feel very trapped and I actually have good kids. My daughter has asperger’s and I’m soooo tired of the challenge every single day. I daydream constantly about leaving and just being by myself. Working full time and coming home to an empty house every evening.

  12. Anon says:

    I have 3 boys, 7months, 4 years and 7 years.

    obviously the younger one isnt much troulbe yet..
    but Not only do I love my boys and hate my life but I dont feel like I have a partner anymore either…
    my boys also tear my house to pieces! and to make matters worse (though it SHUDNT) all 3 of my children have different dads…
    the 7 y/o’s dad and i broke up before i knew I was preggers and havnt seen him since!
    4 y/o’s dad has the boys every school holidays for the 1st half(the 7 y/o n 4 y/o) as he basically raised my eldest as his own, we split due to his unfaithfulness and lack of responsibility…
    and then I met my current partner of 3 yrs… before I fell preggers with my now 7 month old, My partner was great with the boys REALLY GREAT! then once bub came along he favours his own child seriously way more than then my older 2… to the point he snaps at them before they have even done ne thing…. im begining to despise him for it! and that feeling makes me feel even worse…

    I cry myself to sleep every night, my partner doesnt even kiss me anymore, we havnt “slept” together for 7 months… there is nothing but a house mate in our relationship…
    so that on top of my 2 eldest boys turning my house upside down, yelling at me telling me they hate me cuz they cant have a lolly or a toy or something like that and fighting amongst themselves… Im a huge big mess and feel so alone… I am on anti despressants and seeing a psycologist but stupid ole me doesnt want to burden anyone with my problems.. (funny how i ended up here doing just that)
    I would never give my boys away as no matter what I love them to pieces!!!! and even if I could afford a nanny… Its my responsibilty to raise my kids not sumone elses!
    I have my 2 youngest in daycare 1 day a week just so I can get my housework done… and I can barely afford that..

    well I guess Ive bored you all enough as it is.. I hope things do get better for all our sakes! cause im gonna end up in a nut house real soon otherwise..

    • anon1 says:

      I had to laugh at your last comment, I said the same thing to myself the other day, I am going to end up in a nut house real soon. Same problems, raising children, single mother, actually sole mother is more the case and little boys and I feel completely agitated overwhelmed and anxious stressed until bedtime and they are sleeping then I feel a moment of ok til 6am and it all starts again, groundhog day everyday and I am so highly strung and was never this person before children that I am now, I dont like myself now at all, I had dreams and ambitions once upon a time, now I just need to get through each day and cant even fathom thinking too far ahead, really its just hours I need to get through sometimes, just til lunch, just til nap time, just til bedtime, when will it end, when does it get easier when is it not a battle over everything to do anything and the constant whining griping crying tantrums complaining, even the good or easier days feel like a struggle now and still strung out on those days from the high stress all the time I cant ever relax! I keep saying one all in school it will be easier but I am starting to think thats a lie too! Help us all, I love my kids but seriously I’ll be in a nut house too soon, I dont care about anything anymore except getting them through the yrs and being on my own again in peace and quiet and alone, doing all I can to make them happy in their lives and get through school and love them, then I want to live on my own in peace with a cat and thank the lord I made it through.

      • Anonymous1988 says:

        Oh hell yes! You’ve just described how I feel and the true version of what being a mum is really like(the constant fights, struggle and battles just to get your children to comply eventhough you’re doing it for their own good and then getting hit for trying to help). In fact some times I just feel like commiting suicide but obviously I can’t because it would f*ck my daughter up.

    • Laura O. says:

      Why aren’t women more careful about who they chose to breed with? Seriously people! If he was a loser before you bred with him, having a baby with 3 men won’t change anything other than make you miserable. Duh!

      • Kelly says:

        Nice judgmental (not to mention useless) comment Laura O. Shouldn’t you be off doing something motherly rather than making snipey comments here?

  13. Anonymous says:

    Hi everyone.

    I am back and things are still the same…hmmmm… maybe worse. I really can’t believe that one day this will become better. It just seems that I am sentenced to a very unhappy and miserable life. I hope and pray that one day all these boys will mature to fine young men. So far, no maturity. They are rough and tough and don’t really care how much they upset me.

    I know this is not what it is supposed to be like.

  14. fedup says:

    I bet you are a fabulous Mom. I have kids like yours. No one else in my family gets it. They think they can parent circles around me. I say you haven’t parented until you’ve parented a strong willed child. Let’s see how they would do in our boots. One thing I know I would NOT do if I were in their shoes is offer unsolicited parenting tips. It’s rude and assuming and full of negative implications. These kids are bright and strong and will flourish one day. I too am on antidepressants by the way,lol. It’s all be worth it one day.
    You’re doing just fine.

  15. Katarina says:

    I had two cousins who were NIGHTMARE children as young boys, all the way up until they were in their late teens, then they finally gained better behavior. I’m so sorry about what you are going through :( Don’t give up, keep up your good parenting! Their brains are way too under developed at this stage, but they will come around.

  16. renae says:

    I got news for all of you, It NEVER GETS ANY BETTER. I have been a mother for 32 years. I have been widowed twice. I was widowed the first time when I was 7 months pregnant. Raised my son by myself, and he was a very loving child. I loved him very much . He had seizures. I had to stay up all night with him then go into work and work in a factory all day long. I thought I would go nuts. The older he got, the worse his behavior got. Then I remarried. That man wanted kids but did not want to raise them. Wanted me to be tied down to children so he could run around all over the place. I had two children by him. girls. Never had much trouble out of him till their dad died of a heart attack. It’s been hell ever since. Lord, Child rearing is a JOB! A thankless job. MOm comes out looking like the bad guy all the time. while dad looks like an angel.
    Kids don’t know how much we sacrifice for them until they are parents. my youngest will turn 18 soon, and she’s driving me nuts ! I still love her. I just have to try to be patient, but woe, I don’t know if my heart or my nerves can take much more. When she graduates in June, I am going on a long vacation. I do mean LONG!!!! It’s been a long time coming. 33 years of tantrums and teachers driving me nuts. and ball coaches, and band directors, and bus drivers and other people’s brats !!! all I can say is come on JUNE !!!!!
    I feel like I have been singing Gloom , despair and agony on me , deep dark depression excessive misery, If it weren’t for bad luck , i’d have no luck at all , gloom despair and agony on me for 33 years. those women that want many kids , I think they are NUTS! Oh well, Maybe I will be able to get on with my life after June. I love them all, but it’s time for a break. Peace to ya ladies. hang in there.

    • Joseph says:

      I am a single father of one very energetic 6 year old boy. I have been taking care of him on my own since his mother and I split when he was 14 months old. I too struggle with the day to day grind that comes with raising a child. My son is bull headed and full of energy from the time he wakes up and bedtime is nightmare.I have tried every type of discipline from time out to grounding to even spankings. They may work short term but never last and the behaviors resurface. Lost my job back in June and have spent twenty four seven with him since. It is trying at times and it does make you want to pull your hair out as some of you have stated.I don’t hate my son only the fact that his mother is too far away to give me a break sometimes. The statement that it takes a village to raise a child holds some truth but we are dealt the cards we get. We all sacrifice dreams and wants to be parents. You just got to make the best of it and realize that things happen for a reason and you are where you should be. I am certain that my child has ADHD but hating my life wont make that go away only make his worse.

  17. anonymous says:

    i loved this article. i have a 7 yr old daughter, and she is whiny, negative, and demanding. its exhausting trying to combat those traits. i get no help from my husband, who works full time, then comes home and parks his ass on the couch watching tv. i do love both my husband and my daughter very much, but i fantasize i live alone in my house, and travel extensively, and read good books, and drink good wine….and then the whining starts and im jolted back to reality. i knew parenting would be hard, but i had no idea how hard. i am so glad we stopped at one child (which i get slammed for, for heaven’s sake) because i couldn’t cope with more than one. then i feel guilty for feeling like this,when i watch the duggar family on tv, and how the hell are they doing it with 19 children? it all makes me feel inadequate and that i’m a terrible mother. i’m glad i am not the only one who feels this way, and i appreciate everyone’s comments here.

    • I feel the same way! says:

      I would love to read a good book and drink a glass of wine! Maybe in 18 years… blah!

    • jennyjen says:

      Why does this subject rarely come up…that you can have a kid who is born with a difficult personality? And that can happen to anyone?

      I read other posts about parent swooning away about the joys of motherhood…but I would bet you any money they don’t have children with “difficult” personality types. Or even just opposite one to what the parents have.

      My Mother is/ was a cuddly, squishy, kissy, neurotic, loud, in your face, attention seeking personality type…and my brother and I are solitary, rather distant, cool headed, quiet types who like to be alone and don’t like to be touched or physically manhandled. (we are both in our 30′s and married…so maybe we just didn’t like being touched by her…but there you go…)

      My mother has lived her entire parental life feeling rejected, shunned and unloved by us because we are simply so different than her and we can’t relate. And we were BORN this way. I hear stories about how I used to push her away and crawl into a cabinet to be alone before I could even walk.

      (for the record I help her and keep in contact with her as much as I can, I do try…but she still feels like a stranger sometimes (often) to me. I love her the best that I can. We still drive each other crazy. What can you do.)

      And we (my brother and I) were not bad types, we didn’t pull any of the stunts of viciousness and cruelty some of these kids do to the Mom’s I hear on these posts all of the time. I can’t even imagine what that must be like! We were just chilly,solitary, and couldn’t wait to grow up and get the ef out. My Mom says it was like living with tiny 40 year old roommates. She still despairs over what should have been the most cuddle filled years of her life, and instead she gave birth to two little adults who showed open disdain for her. I still feel bad about it…but I am not a monster, we are simply just WAY to different. I find her annoying, and loud…and have since birth apparently.

      I guess my point is, when someone starts in about parenting…each child is unique, and each parent / child connection and relationship is unique. A lot of miserable Moms (and Dads) I think maybe have strong willed,manipulative, defiant, difficult children that the advice dispensing uber-parents just don’t understand.

      All parenting is hard, and long, and often thankless. But some parents don’t even get the “i love you Mom” part, some kids are just born hard work.

      Ad sometimes…Shhh…you just won’t ever see eye to eye or really even like each other.

      • Anonymous1988 says:

        I think you get different types of mothers. I don’t want to come across as judging your mum or anything when I don’t know her but the constantly wanting to kiss you,hold you and cuddle you without putting you down sounds a bit like “smother love” mothering and mollycoddling. Some children just like to be independant and do things for themselves. My daughter is like that she wants to do everything by herself and explore by herself but she can’t do certain things yet like put her own nappy on. She’s two and not yet potty trained. When I try to change her she puts up such a fight, kicks and screams and I could be wrong but I think it’s because she doesn’t like me doing things for her eventhough she can’t yet do it herself.

  18. Anonymous says:

    I have given up my professional medical career as a pediatrician after noting that my son had been physically abused by our nanny. Having just a new baby and seeing my oldest son go through this convinced me that I had to stay home with my 3 children (ages 7 months, 2 years, 4 years).

    Since this time the feelings of nurturing, joy and satisfaction of being around my kids has quickly been replaced by feelings of resentment and anger at the children and my husband. My oldest son who was physically abused has been diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder and sensory integration dysfunction which basically means he’s a antisocial kid who needs constant supervision to keep himself out of trouble. He is on his 3rd preschool now due to no teacher being able to tolerate his defiance, energy level and strong will.

    I feel I will need to go back soon or our family will just implode. Our children have been the source of constant stress and very little joy. I don’t Think we are alone in feeling like this but certainly important for us to know that our feelings are not new.

    I am hoping that with a great teacher, new services and with a more regular way to get us as a couple away from the monsters that we will survive these years.

    We will see.

    • Anonymous says:

      I am really in awe of your note. I applaud you for leaving your career as a physician. It must have been horrifying to learn what happened to your son by the nanny. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you need to go back. I left a high power corporate management job when my first son was born. I wanted to be the best mom ever. I went back to work full time after seven years of being at home. I needed to for my sanity. I know that you need to have your sanity back by going back to your career and I truly understand. I would encourage you. Perhaps you can find a day care for your kids and maybe hire a child worker to offer one on one for your son to ease the burden on the day care while he works out the social issues? I am behind you and support how you feel and please know that you are a wonderful mom to try and help your son…hang in there!

    • adhd mom says:

      Remember . . . you are a smart and strong woman that can do ANYTHING! I am so sorry about your son and I so sympathize with your situation I recently left my 54th floor office at the largest law firm in a very large city to care for my 3 boys because of child care issues. Quite frankly, it sucks. Know that you are smart and you will make the right decision! My oldest has pretty extreme ADHD — it is very hard. I am sure you are experiencing the same with your oldest. WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO -YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Take a deep breath and live for today and tomorrow. That’s it — let the rest go. You can do this!

    • sk says:

      I am so sorry for what happened to your son. The first thing you have to remember is that it is not your fault. I can’t even imagine the anxiety you must feel when you have to leave your child with someone. Any mom without your added issues would feel stressed out with kids close in age (I have a 27month old and an 11 month old)

      Also, I can tell you love your family and not to sound preachy but don’t be afraid to punish your son if he is misbehaving in case you haven’t been as hard on him as you would have had this not happened. One of my siblings was abused by a family member who of course was trusted-when that ordeal was over my mother didn’t treat my sibling any different and that sibling is now happily married and pursuing a career in film.
      Also one of my sisters was over recently and left this verse on my bulletin board (as I’m the oldest anxious control freak sibling) I look to it whenever I’m feeling anxious-”I have told you these things, so that in me, you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have conquered the world!” John 16:33

      I hope you are able to find a child care provider or a family member you trust to take your son even if for a little while-and if it makes you a better mom to be at work then go back to work only you know what is best for your family.

      I am the oldest of 5 kids who as I previously said now has 2 of my own.
      And I contribute that to the fact that my parents always put their marriage first and us second-not that they chose themselves over us but that they came as a united front-something I myself am struggling with (As a type A mom I am constantly feeling anxious (my son has severe food allergies) about what is happening with the kids when they make funny noises etc and my hubbies always telling me to calm down or disregarding my worries until we’re in the ER again)

      As an attorney I am now staying at home most days with my children and doing per diem work. My husband works for himself between 6 and 7 days a week. Days especially between 4 and 7/8 wake up from naptime time/when hubbie gets home I actually feel my chest weighing down waiting for my husband to come home so I can finally breathe again while I try to calm kids nerves (their fussy time) cook dinner and feed/bathe clean up etc-not to mention when I’m trying to draft contracts or memoranda or make a phone call (which of course means one kid is screaming in the background). How many times a week can I clean the same thing before I say I’m too educated for this lol. It doesn’t help that both of my children are strong willed like their parents of course! But the best advice that I’ve gotten and keep getting is to appreciate time with them when they are young because you can never turn back the clock. One day their going to turn 13 and tell you they hate you(I did) even if they don’t. These moments are precious they are seeing the world for the first time and it will never happen again.

      My biggest gripe of parenting to all MOMS is that why don’t the husbands feel this constant need to make sure their children are safe, fed, happy, clean. My husband is a great dad and a great provider but it stresses me out that I have to put my career on hold because his is the one that pays the bills as he’s been in his career a lot longer than I’ve been in mine-he didn’t even take the time to go to college!!!

      On an aside-My pediatrician was working 3 days a week when she had her children but then had to leave work and didn’t return for 10 years because her husband’s job was too demanding for her to work and she was stressed out during this time too and can relate to what I’ve been feeling. She is an awesome pediatrician and I think what makes her awesome is her skills as a parent and as a working mother. Hang in there it will get better before you know it.
      Your welcome in advance for the brevity of my message:)

      • vp says:

        sk — I really felt better after reading your post. I am a professional myself but have not worked for almost the past year since we moved to a new state because my husband’s job requires him to work all hours as an emergency room doc. I have two kids; someone has to hold up the homefront. I will need to go back to work at some point soon for financial reasons because we are living in an area with a higher cost of living. I feel guilty about not working and it doesn’t help that I get comments from my parents, MIL, and others also. But I also used to feel so guilty about working and not being home with the kids. It was helpful to hear about your pediatrician, and to hear again about how much I should just treasure the time when they are young (and not worry much about what other people think. It feels like whatever you do as a mother, you’re going to feel guilty and worry about the kids. Men don’t seem to be as affected by this.

  19. Mom of Two says:

    I only have two children a 15 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. Both of my children are extremely strong willed and independent. I was a single parent for many years and their dad had nothing to do with them and still doesn’t to this day. My husband now works out of state so he is only a parent while at home which isn’t very often. My children fight and argue constantly with me and with each other. The more the fight the more chores I give them. So far so good!! My daughter still yells at my son, but only when he doesn’t do what he’s told. I put her in charge of him and him in charge of the chores. She knows if he doesn’t do it that she’ll have to. We live on a horse farm and there are a lot of chores. :-). This way I only have to keep tabs on my oldest and it makes my life so much simpler. I also try to spend as much girl time with my daughter as well that way we still have a very healthy mother daughter relationship. I also spend hours with my son playing video games to keep him happy. No I’m not a stay at home mom. I have a full time job not to mention I was in a really bad accident recently and can hardly get out of bed most days, but what I’ve done with these two has made one heck of a difference. As a matter of fact they enjoy being in charge of the farm and each other. It gives there strong willed minds something to think about. There is a light at the end of the tunnel ladies. Keep your chin up and just know that we are raising strong indepent children that will one day be very important people in this world. As strong as they are now they will definately be even stronger when they’re all grown up!

  20. veena says:

    I am so glad I stumbled upon this website. I am at my wit’s end. My two children ages 3 and 8 are simply driving me nuts, for different reasons. The 3 year old is a boy who is physically rambunctious in a way I still cannot fathom, and basically destroys our home every day. My 8 year old is temperamental and strong-willed and needs constant attention to do homework, practice her instrument, clean up etc. My husband and I are good, sane people and I think we were quite happy together before we had kids. I don’t want to feel like I”m just coping with my kids. I love them dearly, I just wish I could enjoy them as well.

  21. mum of 3 says:

    I am glad to see I am normal after all. I have a very intelligent 3 year old boy, a independant 2 year old girl and 7 week old baby girl. As each child was born I could see how different I become – (that is cranky, angry not so interested in all the mundane day to day sagas. even though I submit to all my motherley chores evey day) and I read peoples comments when I can find anytime, and this reassures me for another day that I am not the only one having all these mixed emotions. Recently when I had my 3rd my doctor and I had a joke if I need any antidepressants, she said most women are on them, I said I am not that much out of my mind YET!!!. What helped me with that was the reassurance of her mentioning what a great mother I am and this helped me yet again to face the daily grind and to look at all my beautiful children and who they have become without all the negative thoughts I do have. I think all of you are great people and good mums and a little bit of honesty and eating humble pie helps you to become even better parents. Would love to make a few more comments though my time has run out as I am on call again.

    Good luck and look forward to a sane life again one day

  22. Me says:

    I feel the same and Im so sick and tired of feeling guilty because Im “supposed” to be all happy and nurturing. My kids are 2.5 and 10 mos old and I absolutely hate being a stay at home mom. Im so sick of doing laundry all the time, my existence has been reduced to cleaning everyone’s shit and Im expected to do it with a smile on my face. Im 31yo, I feel 95. I dread waking up in the mornings, its like Im stuck on a horrible merry-go-round. Dont get me wrong, I love my children. I just really over playing a brain numbing game of “house”!

    • D says:

      Thank you for making me laugh with your last comment about being OVER playing a brain numbing game of “house”. That is exactly how I feel. My kids are 23, 9 and 7. I love them dearly. I was a single mom for my 23 year old who Thank God has just graduated college and is a great young woman! I had her at 20 yrs old and never felt regret and exhaustion like I do with my 9 and 7 year olds. I often wonder WHY WHY WHY I got remarried and actually thought I wanted to more children. I feel bad saying this they are actually great kids. It’s just I have COMPLETELY lost myself in the day to day hum-drum of PARENTHOOD. I hate my life! I know it’s sounds selfish but I want my life back before I had my 2 younger kids. I want to go to work, come home and actually be able to cook a great healthy dinner that I KNOW I WILL LIKE and NO ONE will be complaining about. Read a book, go to the MOVIES on the weekends and basically DO WHATEVER the HECK I want. I was DONE why did I start over? Plus my husband travels CONSTANTLY so I am basically a single mom AGAIN and this time I have two kids and the older one has asperger’s. So there is the constant stress of that. Another thing I always feel annoyed by is that I cannot spend any FUN time with my older daughter now because I’m always stuck with my kids. I love schooldays I really LOVE them but I dread the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong you’d be amazed I’m a great mom I play with them, I feed them healthy, make their lunches etc etc etc but inside I’m falling apart. I’ve completely lost who i am.

    • sk says:

      I have two kids the same age and two is so much harder. Especially when you’re a mom who tries to do everything and be everything to everyone! And the most aggravating thing about being home is that people think you have all this “time” and your so lucky.

      I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make sure dinner is on the table and the house is clean-I personally like it that way but sometimes we have to let some stuff go.

      My one tip that I try to implement when I’m really going crazy with the mundane chores is to take time to really enjoy the kids and not worry about the house or cleaning because it will get done even if it means at night…and sometimes I purposely don’t wash my husband’s whites(his socks undies etc-which he can’t wear dirty) and tell him to do a load if he doesn’t have what he needs lol…maybe I’m mean but it makes me happy to let him do his own laundry once in a while:)

      If it makes you feel better most of my friends are professionals and moms and they are just as stressed-they are the ones preparing their children for day care, pumping in the office space every few hours while trying to juggle work, trying to rush home and not be late for day care and make food or something before they start all over again.

      Everyone with young children is in the same position some of course are worse off than others due to different circumstances but in the same boat about feeling overwhelmed. However, children are only young once-forget the laundry for a day and go out and enjoy them at the park or the library and enjoy their curiousity about how and why the world works. Everytime they smile or say I love you mommy you can’t replace that with any happiness you’ve felt dancing at a club or getting a massage. But
      You need a day off to recharge pay a babysitter or if you can’t afford one go out one night when your husband gets home even if its late I do like once a week and sometimes even to go to BJ’s and just enjoy the solace and shopping and samples:) A happy mommy makes a happy home hang in there!

    • Anonymous1988 says:

      You hit the nail on the head! The worst bit is cleaning up your child’s mess and shit all day and sometimes I feel she does it on purpose just to piss me off because she finds it funny when I’m wound up. I also hate this idea of you’re sacrificing all your needs, dreams, desires, your whole life for everybody else and you’re supposed to be happy about it?! The man gets to keep his career and social evenings playing football, going out with mates drinking all night and he’s not frowned upon by fuddy duddys for being a bad father. However try to do that if you’re a mother? Watch out for the wagging tongues and pointing fingers. I remember as a child hearing my Gran bitch and moan about a mother who’d gone out boozing all night, leaving the father to look after the kids, saying how disgusting it was. I remember thinking why? That was probably the first time she’d been out since getting pregnant and having kids. What’s wrong with the father looking after them that one time? He probably went out all the time and now it’s her turn to have a bit of fun. Sorry this turned into a rant.

  23. FabesLoxely says:

    Wow! I did a Google for “I hate my life since kids”. I’m glad to know I am not alone, but I am already at my wits end. I feel as though I died with the birth of my children now 2 and 3. My 2 year old is extremely smart and defiant. She does everything she knows is naughty with a smile. I absolutely hate being a mother and I have a tremendous level of guilt over it. I love my kids, but my husband takes for granite what I do. I resent him for not being able to keep a job, having to make the decision to choose between my Master’s program and picking up his slack- he is never around to care for the children and has no job. Moreover, I keep a professional, well paying job. If it weren’t for me who knows where we would be. I refuse to be a single mother as a married women. I am spread so thin, everything is suffering. I use to be a top achiever with less effort and exercise regularly. I can’t keep anything straight anymore. I absolutely hate my life and wish I could be alone again. I have thought about just walking away, but I worry about my children. I suck at balancing parenthood and life. Maybe my kids would be better off without a sad mom?

    • Anonymous says:

      How are you doing with the one that smiles and still acts out? I ask because I have one of those myself, lol. A girl as well, haha. Moms walk a fine line between sacrifice and survival, that’s for sure and I feel better when I’m at least getting the good feedback I deserve from my family and friends “Your a great mommy, etc.” and when I take the time to say “No. It’s your turn to take care of her for a few hours.” then I always tell her I love her and I don’t let myself feel guilty for taking a few for myself. After all, SURVIVAL is the word, right? I also try to remember that the reason I get so frustrated sometimes is because I love my daughter so much. I want her to have a great life, a nice house, a sane mom, lol, and some days are harder than others to provide that. And I hope the next day is better or that I can get grandma to watch for a bit while I MAKE IT BETTER!! I hope you get the opportunity to make it better for you so it’s better for all of you.

  24. adhd mom says:

    Wow . . . many of you all need to seek help for depression. If you are that overwhelmingly sad about having kids on a regular basis . . . you need to seek professional help. PLEASE do no sit back and go on like this. Life is fabulous, but challenging. I KNOW — i have 3 boys and 2 have been diagnosed with ADHD. It is very challenging, but this is life. It can be fun, quirky, loud . . . roll with it. If you are sad everyday, seek help. NOW!

    • Anonymous says:

      Definitely depressed. Am on antidepressants. This doesn’t make every tormenting day go away. Yes life is hard.. it sure is… worse than ever hard. I hope that when these boys get older I will feel some joy that a mother should feel.

      • Susan says:

        How are you disciplining your children? From all the stories I am reading, it just sounds like your children don’t know the proper consequences of their actions. Do you make empty threats (“if you touch that, you’ll be sent to your room for 30 minutes” but don’t follow up on it).

        I have rambunctious boys but they know where they can / can’t cross the line. If they fight, they know they won’t have TV for the next night so it really sets a system of reward and discipline.

  25. Fed up aussie says:

    Wow, I too am amazed at how many are feeling similar too me and it is good to know that I am not just being selfish or ungrateful. I have a 15yr grl and 13yr boy (he has asperges & add)who as well as their dad drive me absolutely bloody bonkers most of the time. I had Post Natal Depression diagnosed 15yrs ago and severely after the second child, and I dont think it has ever gone away as I am still taking ant-depressents, I just want to bugger off and leave it all behind, I just can’t stop crying. I am a on the ‘I hate the world and everyone in it’( except the trees and wildlife) trip at the moment,everyone annoys the shit out of me(even at work) no-one wants to listen, I mean really listen too me. Every day after work I come home to this roundabout of washing,cleaning,cooking, sport training, music lessons…blah blah blah and then spending my precious bloody weekends doing the same thing while in the background… ‘can you take me for a surf or movies or whatever..’ And if I ask for help I have to scream and throw a tantrum, yeah I’m fed up! Then come Mothers day they treat me like royalty and I feel bad, so bad for being a selfish bitch! Yes I am on a downer and don’t know why, I have everything acerage home, a loyal and loving partner, healthy kids,good job, and although I am very greatful,I am so bloody miserable and really hate my life and myself for having my kids grow up seeing me like this, as I do love them.

  26. Irritated and Frustrated says:

    I have a 2 year old boy, 10 yr old girl. The boy never stops yelling and bouncing around, My daughter argues and needs help with everything, she is soooooooo needy. My husband is laid back and thinks nothing is wrong, yesterday I made him take the kids to his moms for Sunday dinner before I rocket myself through the roof in irritability. I started to relax, and as soon as I heard them coming up the steps (arguing, yelling whatever, dogs barking!!) exactly 90 minutes later, yes I counted, my anxiety returned, I am so miserable, LOVE THEM SO MUCH but I am so irritated these days, I loathe myself for feeling this was but cannot control it, glad to know I am not alone.

  27. DailyGrind says:

    I have read the majority of the posts here and on the “hate being a mom” thread on this site too. I have commented, as have many, many others, that I wish someone had been this brutally honest with me, when we were thinking about having kids. I did not go into this blissfully ignorant, thinking that I would be supermom and love it everyday. But I had no idea how much I would hate it, everyday.
    I wish that there was some more mainstream ways to share our experiences and perspectives…that some of us are not cut out for motherhood (I AM cut out for better things!). There is so much of the opposite side-the joy of parenthood side out there….and criticizm or judement of women who choose to remain child-FREE (I emphasize the FREE, the freedom they have!). It angers me to read posts from women who have been judged or looked down on because they were smart enough to NOT want kids!
    I have a dream that stories and experiences from women (and men) like us who regret having kids will be part of high school curriculum (though I love and care for my 2 kids, everyday). And rather than do those fake babycare experiences, with a doll, the students actually get to relieve some volunteer parents and care for a baby all day and ALL NIGHT for at least a couple weeks-long enough for sleep-deprivation to set in (a fussy, screammer like mine would be perfect!)
    And I have a dream that doctors and ob/gyns would be required to provide the literature which shows that parents with kids are NOT happier that childfree couples…that show the truth from the majority of parents who say that if they “could go back and do it all over again”, they would NOT have kids.

    • Ruined says:

      totally agree. I am so bitter at the conspiracy of silence about how mindnumbing and awful motherhood is, and how it will take your identity, smash it to bits, leave nothing behind and ruin your life I can’t say. Why is it only NOW that my friends come clean? Why weren’t they honest BEFORE? I could have done with the reality check.

      Women do other women a complete disservice by not being honest in the mainstream. My 9 month daughter and I are sitting watching Star Trek because there’s nothing else to do today, as with every other day now, and I have had a conversation with her to tell her NOT to have children under any circumstances, that I don’t want grandchildren and she must stay free and happy…

    • anon1 says:

      yes I agree, people should be more informed, and mothers who act like stepford hags and that its rosy cheeks and smily happy faces and not tears and stress and misery a lot of the time. If more mothers stepped up and told the truth people may at least realise how hard it is, wait til they can afford help with kids are near family, it takes a village to raise a child, would have more idea that you need outside support, some kids are so strong willed and its nothing to do with parenting, some dont sleep for 3 yrs and get up all night every night for yrs. Some gripe and winge or are rougher and just stronger and harder regardless of time outs, or toys taking away or consistency still delivers the same results, time is the only real thing that helps as each stage is different and once once thing works that goes out the window anyway. I love my kids, but if I had known the monstrosity of the task, I would have been closer to family, would never of had more than one. And even that is a task unto itself. It takes a village and mothers are going out of their mind because today its all about money husbands partners work ridiculous hours or come home dont help, bigger houses and less family around to help with child raising. I believe it takes a village, I believe some kids are easier then others and if you have a strong willed child and little outside help, thats why we’re all on antidepressant, its isolating being a mother and more isolating and stressful and miserable when you need help and there is none. I know Ill get there but I just wish more mothers were honest and said this is hard, really hard so mothers could at least count on support from other mothers and not feel hopeless!

      • momof2 says:

        Oh, this is so true. If someone had really been straight with me and told me what happens to your life after you have kids, that you will mostly be exhausted and miserable fighting big and small battles all day, I don’t know if I’d be in this situation. I mean, I love my kids with all my heart and give my life to them, but I don’t know if I’d be so willing to sign over decades of my life. The worst part is, you can’t tell anyone how you feel. And yes, it is an isolating and lonely experience raising kids in this day and age.

    • Kelly says:

      Thank you for this great post. It is best for people to be completely honest about parenthood rather than glossing over the harsh realities of it.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Well I’m really glad to know that I’m not the only one who gets fed up or hates my life sometimes. The problem is so many mothers are judged by mostly other “perfect earth mothers”, if they are honest about their feelings and dare to paint a less than perfect image about motherhood and their children. Why aren’t you allowed to say your children annoy the hell out of you, without somebody else frowning down at you. Babies and children are annoying, it’s the truth. Maybe not all the time but they have their moments most of the time. I know they can’t help it, I know they don’t do it on purpose as so many smart arses have told me but it does not make it any less annoying. The loud, ear-shattering screeches and screams and whining still grate on you whether they do it on purpose or not. It still makes your teeth grit when they will not do as they are told whether they can understand you or not, because you are trying to help them for their own benefit but you feel like they are throwing it back in your face all the time. You don’t feel appreciated when they are smacking you, pushing your face away when you try to kiss them or show them affection, pinching you etc. My partner sometimes tells me off for the house being a mess or the housework not being done but do you know how hard it is when your little one demands constant attention literally all the time and gets under your feet and follows you everywhere. The answer very difficult. Plus you tidy something away ten minutes later it’s all pulled out again and strewn everywhere. So what is the point? My partner works that’s all that’s expected of him. I look after our child. If I was to cook, clean, tidy all the time. I would be doing more than him. I’d be trying to take care of the house as well as the child. It’s funny nowadays isn’t it how a woman is expected to do everything go to work, look after the children, clean the house and cook. A man is only expected to bring in the money. An equal share would be man works, woman looks after or the the children/babies or vice versa, man and woman both contribute to cleaning the house and take it in turns to cook each others tea. After all parenting is a full time job as well only you’re not paid for it. It’s probably the least recognised job there is. It’s assumed full time mothers are lazy. I assume these people on their high horses actually look after a screaming crying baby all the time day and night by themselves and see how well they cope. It annoys me as well when you run around like a headless chicken, try to comfort them, do everything you can and they still scream and cry. Sometimes it looks like they’re just doing it for no reason at all. So all you can do is just let them finish their screaming fit. Then you have other goody two shoes saying “oh it’s awful to let your children cry!” Sometimes that’s all you can do.

  29. vp says:

    To all of you: it’s so good to hear other people are struggling with the same issues I am. I know we should keep a stiff upper lip and never complain because our children are blessings, but for God’s sakes, did any of us really know what this would really be like? Nobody ever tells the truth, so this forum is a breath of fresh air. I love my children more than my life, but they do drive me nuts! I just have to keep grinning and bearing this chaos until they get a little older, I guess.

  30. Angiebabe says:

    Hello everyone. My two children are now 18 and 16 and my life is definately easier now that they have grown up. But I clearly remember lying on the couch sobbing uncontrollably when they were about 4 and 2. Like most of you here, I hated my life when my kids were little but if I said to my husband “if I have my time over again, I would not have children” I was chastised by him. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children (young adults) to bits, but your life changes forever once you have children and I know that more than once, when they were little, I questioned my sanity and even secretly coveted the idea of getting a divorce just so I only had to look after them for half of the time. But sadly as the saying goes “be careful what you wish for” because now I am divorced. My husband had an affair with my best friend and now my daughter lives with him in another country and I only get to see her a few times per year.

    Take care everyone.

  31. sarahb says:

    im a young single mother of two (4 and 6 years) the father comes in and out of their lives when ever he pleases and gives me abuse when he does bother to come see them calling me useless and lazy and how ive ruined his life even though his life seems perfect and im left to struggle to take care of our children on my own i have no family around to help me and my friends are all still young and enjoying life so i wouldnt ask them for help people say i should stop access all together after everything hes done to me and how he constantly lets the kids down but im gratefull for the break and hes a good dad when he bothers to show up, i want my children to have a father but hes not stepping up to the mark… im currently studying two courses at college and doing a work placement for my uni application i am at my witts end my children are so naughty and do not listen to me at all they have wrecked everything i own i punish them with time outs no playing out no tv or any goodies and sending to bedroom i sometimes spank ther bottom if they are really naughty but still they sneak about trashing my home drawing on walls with my makeup pens permanent markers etc (which i hide) and not listening to me i dont no what im doing wrong i love them to pieces they are my world but they make life so hard im normally a strong woman and people dont see me struggle i put a front on so im glad ive come accross this where i can talk freely. i feel like such a failure :(

  32. Joe says:

    You sound like a good Mom to me but you are a bit hard on yourself. Why not look into accomplishing something else too which will complement being a parent? Have you worked or finished your education? Maybe you need something more to do for yourself so as to balance your life. Parenting courses and books are available to make parenting easier as well. Sure hope that you find out if doing something else will make your life feel more purposeful.

  33. jennifer says:

    I am not in a similar situation-I have 2 girls, both quite challenging and loud! I am SO tired of answering questions and receiving unsolicited advice. I can really feel for what you’re going through!Hang in there!

  34. Womanizer says:

    My motto about women is:

    Hit em, Quit em, and forget em, all women do is try to put men under the thumb, I’ve seen people turn into shadows of their former selves as soon as their girlfriend gets her claws in.

  35. Anonymous says:

    Oh boy, I have three sons myself and they are a handful. I also have to stepdaughters. I work full time outside the home. It’s not easy and i’m stressed a lot. My oldest has ADHD and a growth deficiency, my youngest get lasers tx’s for his hand. Husbands are not always as helpful as they could be. This is my second marriage, so add baby mama drama and my two oldest father rarely see’s them. I have not received child support in a year, my sons meds are 12000 every three months and the new insurance will not pay. I understand what you mean.

  36. angry mother says:

    it is because they are boys. boys are revolting and ungrateful turds

  37. Anonmymous says:

    OMG I literally cried when I read this. I too am a mom of 3 boys on antidepressants and in therapy. I want to leave so badly. I absolutely hate being their mom but I love them to pieces. I hate being tired, fat, unappreciated, trapped, isolated and no time for myself. I’m such a wacko now. I hate it, hate it, hate it! the only thing getting me through is a I love them and I know they will grow up and leave one day and I may again have my life back.

  38. DeterminedMom says:

    I am also at my wits end, very depressed & losing hope. It’s true that boys are different. I have two boys 4 & 2 years old. They are always wrestling & punching. I have tried so many things. I also have gotten awful looks from strangers judging me as a mother. I don’t get anything done, ever. I barely even get a meal on the table cause I am going to the other room to break up fights every five minutes. My husband works a lot, but he is a little helpful when he is here. The only thing that keeps me going are the rare times the boys act like best friends & are lovin each other. Also, whenever I find myself saying, “I can’t do this anymore”, I have to ask myself what the alternative is. Give up my kids? Absolutely Not!!! I love them so much & there are good times. I just have to remember that & try harder to be a good mom.

  39. Joe says:

    Dear Determined Mom,

    May I suggest that you read as much as possible on effective parenting, take a parenting course, ask your husband for more support and find support among friends and family willing to help with your young ones. Try also getting some “Me” time for yourself more often. All parents need a break from their children. Remember that you are a good parent and doing your best right now. Maybe in the future you can do better. Take care now and hope this helps a bit.