I just want her to love me.

My older sister has anger problems that make it impossible to have a close, trusting relationship. She goes crazy, like a feral animal, screaming and clawing, and screeching hateful bitter words at anyone who even seems to be opposing her. The entire family lives in fear of setting her off. She might seem ashamed of herself later, but she never tries to make it right or ask for forgiveness. She’s graduated college and has finally moved out of the house, but it’s still a problem whenever she’s with family.

We’re eighteen months apart; we grew up together, even more than usual since we were homeschooled and lived in an isolated rural area. It’s indescribably painful to be so intimately tied to someone that has hurt me deeply and repeatedly.

I love her, but I can’t forgive her. I’ve ended up pretty screwed up, too, and I know I’ll never feel adequate as a human being, because my big sister hates me. My helplessness eats at me. I’m too small to fix this. I want her to, but I know she can’t either. I’m tired, and frustrated, and angry, and hurt, and lonely. I wish I could just let it go, but I can’t. It’s slowly killing me.

5 thoughts on “I just want her to love me.

  1. It sounds like she may need professional help, therapy and medication. She will obviously not listen to you but maybe if your parents tell her she can not come around until she gets help. Most people do not realize they need help and many of those who are told refuse to believe that they do. You may want a therapist to help you talk through things, I can not stress enough the importance of having a person who is not intimately involved with all parties and is trained to help with things like this. My sister hates me too.

  2. i would seek professional help if i were you, i had a sister like this and mine never changed. as adults now, we have no contact with each other (and i’m glad, actually) you need to understand that your sisters’ behavior isn’t your fault and you can’t let it affect you.
    make some good friends instead. you can’t pick your family but you can pick your friends. you’re not going to change your sister, believe me, i know..

  3. try make her comfy with you little by little then gain her trust slowly. you can either start by looking at her and smile then go on with your chores after, do it consistently every time you have the chance till she response positively. oy you can give her something as a gift by leaving it where she can find it with a note, saying you love her and youll be there fir her. you can’t expect some one to trust you especially with they have issue with their selves. do it little by little coz love and trust should be gain not collected. hope this gives you a bit of an idea and goodluck.

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