I hate my father.
Posted by Platypus in Family on Aug 16th, 2010 | 4 commentsHe abandoned me. I have never seen him in person, only in pictures and we have talked on the phone several times. He always talks about he regrets not seeing me growing up but doesn’t make an effort to see me now. I am angry and wish I could forgive him and move on with my life, but I can’t. I won’t forgive him because he doesn’t feel bad; he has told me he considers himself a good man who is going to die peacefully.
He hurt me really bad. I can’t trust men easily, I am afraid of commitment and marriage. I am an insecure person, timid, introverted; my self-steem is almost non-existent.
I feel unwanted and not capable of giving and receiving love.
4 Responses to “ “I hate my father.”
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This might not make sense… but forgiveness would benefit you more than it would him. Holding on to anger is destructive to your spirit, your body, and psyche.
I have a similar situation on my hands. Working on this….
If you forgive him, it does not mean you have to trust him. It does not mean you even have to love him. But what it will do, is make room for you to love and trust others.
Now that you are an adult, you can make choices. Choose how you want to interact with the world around you. You can be stronger than he was when he made the bad decisions he made (and continues to make).
Some people just don’t have what it takes to be parents, and in their mind they are doing the right thing by walking away and letting someone else do it.
I believe he does love you, and deep down really does want to see you, but he is someone who lacks courage and avoids confrontation at all costs, even if that cost is someone else’s.
Parenthood scared him into leaving, so no surprise that it is scaring him out of coming back. Forgive him, and move on. Life is too short. We are all human, and we are all fallible. Stress to your Dad that you don’t expect anything from him, that you are not looking for him to make emotional restitution for these last however many years, you just want to get to know him.
Once he sees that confrontation doesn’t await him at your door, he will let his guard down and the healing process can being, even if only for you. Or he could just be a total scumbag, who knows, I have no clue, but for most situations like this, this would be good advice. I wish you well.
“healing process can being, even if”
I meant to say healing process can begin, not being. Damn typos.
stop being a sook