I Hate My Family

I tell my family I love them, but the truth is I don’t. I can’t honestly say I love any of them. The ones I do see either overlook me or use me, & the rest I have no idea or care where they are. My father abandoned me nearly 30 years ago, & my mother uses me as her slave. She’s handicapped now, so I have to take care of her all the time plus still be able to work my job, which she keeps over half of my pay. She’s extremely mentally abusive to me, & has been my whole life. Nothing I ever do meets her expectations. I have a brother that didn’t want to deal with her anymore, so I’m stuck with all of it. He disowned the entire family, & I truthfully don’t really blame him. My other brother passed away 10 years ago. My extended family have always used me as either a maid, babysitter, servant, etc. I’ve just always been treated like I don’t matter, so eventually I don’t feel like I matter to anyone. They treat me as a nothing, therefore over time, I feel as though I am nothing. The last person in this family that made me feel wanted was my grandfather, & I miss him everyday. I really loved him & knew he loved me. I hate feeling like this. I feel like it makes me a bad person for not loving these people. I wish I could just run away from all of them, but they have such a tight hold on my well-being & finances that it will never be possible to escape. I will die here…

2 thoughts on “I Hate My Family

  1. Sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time. Why not get into therapy and figure this thing out. Until then, learn to be more assertive and stop allowing yourself to abused. Take care now and please let us know how things come out.

  2. I see you. Judging from what you wrote, I think you are a good person. You take care of your mother, even if she doesn’t appreciate it. You go to work and make a contribution to society (in some way, no matter how small it may seem). You obviously care, otherwise you’d just say “f*** it”, take off and become as self-absorbed as those around you. But you don’t because you’re different.

    Don’t sell yourself short. Recognize that as a person, you do have worth. Do something for yourself every now and then…and don’t feel guilty about it. We NEED to take time for ourselves sometimes or we’ll go crazy.

    I’m not sure about anything, but deep down I feel like there’s some…thing…or maybe some “one” keeping tabs on us. I’m not religious in that sense, I just feel it. (Maybe for you, it’s your grandfather watching over you from somewhere, so proud of who you are. I don’t know.) There are lots of times I feel exactly like what you described. I just hope we get our reward in the end.

    If nothing else, though…at least we can die at peace with ourselves, knowing we did what was right in our lives. Or at least we tried. Don’t give up caring just because everyone around you has. Every once in a while, I’m going to think about you…struggling just like me. And that will give me some strength to go on. Maybe you can do the same.

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