RSSI Hate My Dad
Am 23 yrs old, and my problem is my parents, particularly my dad.
he left our family when i was 6 yrs old, but he support us fainancialy, and he thinks by his money he can control us. am still living with my mum because she has no one but me and she is getting old,and am a full time student and that makes my dad still supporting us. i know its its his duty to do so, but he has no right to control my life and my decisions that i make,but my mum keep telling me dont stand aganist him because he might stop his money! I hate it when i fell helpless and untill this age am told what to do, where to go and when, am not supposed to have a boyfriend or even get married (because am still young as he keep saying), i really HATE it. but its almost over and am going to finish school and have a job, i study pharmacy and i know i will get a good one. but i still feel that i dont have any personality and dont know how am going to face the world by myself.because i wasn’t indepedant even for a second in my life.
Do i have the right to hate my dad??!!!!
wiwi on April 3rd 2008 in Family
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY said on 06 Apr 2008 at 11:31 am # Quote
look we all were teenagers growing up not liking not agreeing to what our parents said ur situation is not easy mines isnt either but believe to say you HATE ur father isnt good hate is a word that has a powerful meaning and when it leaves ur mouth you cant ever take it back no matter how sorry you may be for saying it you can dislike but HATE isnt the way think abt it
hope this helps said on 10 Apr 2008 at 8:53 am # Quote
It caught my eye that you said “i still feel that i dont have any personality and dont know how am going to face the world by myself.because i wasn’t indepedant even for a second in my life” because I’ve felt so much the same–like no one could like me because I am no one, i’ve never been allowed to be myself so end up as nothing. But it’s not true.
You are somebody. Be whoever you want to be, and there will be people out there who will love you for it… no matter who you are. But to find people, you need to let them know who you are. Things will only get better. if you’re 23, as you leave home and get a job and find new people, you get to grow away from your parents and your relationship with them changes. And there are other people out there like you who feel like they don’t know how to live independantly because they haven’t had the chance (I’m one of them, but am starting to get over that). It’s kinda just part of this, and it’s harder if your relationship with your parents isn’t what you want it to be, but you are always somebody. Find something you can do that’s just yours–do you like what you do in school? can you help other people there? If you face yourself alone in the dark and figure you’re a good person, find out who you are, then it’s easier to forgive that parent’s have faults too. It hurts you more to hate them than forgive them.
wiwi said on 11 Apr 2008 at 1:02 am # Quote
Thanks for your comment and i realy want to belive what you wrote, and there is hope and i will be over it one day!!!! its not easy to forgive my dad,( i dont have issues with my mum), i tried but its realy hard and painfull.
thanks again.
hope this helps said on 11 Apr 2008 at 2:22 pm # Quote
no problem :)(I hope you don’t mind, i came back to see if anyone responded).
I was thinking about it after, and when I said it’s easier to forgive him, i didn’t mean it as this moral high road you are obligated to take, especially if its painful and difficult… It seems like he hasn’t fully lived up to fatherhood if he’s controlling and only financially supportive (although at least he’s done that, right?) and its pretty natural to be mad… nobody would expect you to like that, but you can begin to move on past being mad at him. He’s human, and a product of all his life circumstances that have brought him up to here where he’s not a model father.
What I mean is that it takes a whole lot of energy to hate someone, and you deserve that energy to put into YOUR life…which he is only a small part of. You’re plenty old enough to decide how to think, what you value, what kind of life you want to lead–all that apart from your dad. Maybe it makes sense for now to accept his financial support in exchange for recognize that it’s doing good things for you (like letting you get an education) but realize it’s a choice, you’re free. Hating someone keeps you tied to them, focused on them, and that’s no good if you need a little time for finding yourself (cheesy as it sounds).
Anonymous said on 12 Apr 2008 at 3:00 am # Quote
PLEASE PLEASE try to forgive him!
My father left us too and when he came back a year later, I hated him too! I stopped talking to him and avoided him at all costs!
6 years later, when I decided to forgive him, he died 2 months after I started talking to him again, I never got to tell him I forgave him or that I loved him, I cried for years later, I still cry, 10 years after his death. PLEASE!!!!!!!! Let this be a lesson!!
Anonymous said on 12 Aug 2008 at 12:43 pm # Quote
you poor thing today i was on the phone with my mom because my dad couldnt help me with my home work so she was telling me what to do and my dad was telling me off while i was on the phone with her so i tell him ” Dad im on the phone with mom So please wait” and he got pissed so i told my mom ill go home and do it there so i gave the phone to my dad and so she can tell him what i was going to do so while i was packing up he came to me and yelled at me and said ” never talk to me like that again, do that again and i will personally put my foot up your ass now get the hell out of here i dont wat to see you today” so i go home and there was a controller for a game that my brothers brought in my backpack.so he came all the way to my house for the controller.After i got it he said ” you were being a real ass back there” then as he was walking away he said “i hope your happy” i dont know what to do should i hate him but after i read your response i thought i still love him so thank you your reply changed my mind and now i think im going to try something to get him to change rather than staying mad all my life.
Anonymous 2 said on 12 Aug 2008 at 12:54 pm # Quote
this is the same anonymous of the last comment my dad has always been this way but e always loved me that counts for something….right just what he did was the last straw
Anonymous 2 said on 12 Aug 2008 at 12:55 pm # Quote
same anonymous by the way my name is Richard and i am 15 years old