I feel like I am losing my mind
Posted by Luna in Family on Dec 15th, 2010 | 8 commentsI am so lonely…I am only 21 and it kills me to watch everyone I know go to college and go out and be young…I feel like an old woman…I have a 2 year old little girl that I love beyond belief but she drives me crazy…in my desperate attempt to cure this empty feeling building up I adopted a puppy and 2 cats…the worst mistake ever…it just added more work to my plate…I am in an awful relationship…my daughters father never helps and makes more messes then my 2 year old…he says really awful things or just plain ignores me…the only reason I have not left him is because I do not want to put her in daycare and I need a place to live..We broke up once…I tried dating but it seems like all the guys my age are assholes only looking for a one thing or they run the other way when i say I have a baby….I want to run away and never look back…I want romance and adventure…I want to go out Friday Night and act my age…I was going to join the peace corps….then I found out i was pregnant…I feel like all my dreams have been crushed and now my destiny is temper tantrums, doing countless dishes, and cleaning up s***…literally…It makes me sad when I go out in public…I feel fat and stretched out and ugly…wearing old ratty clothes my mom bought me in highschool while my daughter is wearing gap jeans (grandparents spoil her)…I used to be pretty…really i was…people looked at me once…now I am invisable…I have no friends…and when i do run into my old ones its the fake smile of pity and “Hiiii how have you been??? We should really hang out sometime! I MISS YOU! ” liar…you are staring at my old ratty t shirt from salvation army hoping I make some excuse to walk away from your new sorority sisters and prada bags…GOD I HATE WHAT I HAVE BECOME…I TRULY DISLIKE BEING A YOUNG LONELY MOTHER…Whats the f***ing Point anymore…I wish I would hurry up and get old and die
8 Responses to “ “I feel like I am losing my mind”
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I am so sorry hon. If the grandparents that spoil your daughter are your parents, then consider asking them for help. Maybe they will allow you to move back home so you can focus on your future. You don’t have a future with the father of your child. The way he treats you is unacceptable. Once you are free from his reins, you can get your life back on track (i.e. exercise, go to school, take better care of yourself, perhaps get a part-time job, and go out from time to time). Don’t give up on yourself. You are so young and you have so much to live for. I realize it seems grim right now because of what you’re going through, but you have to love yourself enough to say you deserve better and YOU DO.
i am a 21 yr. old male, i do not have any children, or a girlfriend, or friends, but i feel the same way, i dont know really what to tell you to make you feel better, but just letting you know that some one else feels the same type of feelings that you do everyday, for years now. sorry
I understand exactly how you feel. I am 25, 8 months preg, and have 2 young kids. I feel so lonely inside. I envy people my age who are out having the time of their lives. I have no friends, and its been impossible to find anyone who can relate to me. SOmetimes i just cry and cry in bed bc I feel like there is no point to get up bc i have no one to talk to, no where to go. I feel like the worst parent in the world, and wish i would have never had kids. I try to be perfect on the outside, such as keeping a nice house, cooking every meal..but i hate it! I feel so empty inside, and I have completely lost myself since becoming a mother. I have tried to find myself again, but honestly i just cant. Just so you know, your not alone.
You decided to keep the baby, grow up and be a mom or give the child to a better home. It’s not about you anymore.
I’m sorry that you feel this way – you have clearly been through a lot at a young age and it’s taking its toll on you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to run away – we all feel that due to various reasons sometimes.
I’m almost the same age as you and trust me, going out and ‘living life’ as a young person isn’t all it’s cracked up to me. It’s nice to go out now and again but most of the time it’s just gives you an empty feeling – everyone is getting drunk and being pretentious.
Just because you have the responsibility of a child it doesn’t mean you can’t still be the person you want to be. Yes, it might be harder to do what you want to do but if you put your mind to it then of course you can. When you’re going through a tough patch you feel things will never get better but I assure you they will; you will just be a stronger person at the end of it.
I really hate to be this way, because I truly feel like this is a place for people to come and not be judged… but with that said, I need to get this off my chest because I’d never say this to someone’s face.
I hope it’s worth it. I hope that this is everything you thought it would be when you decided to have sex and keep that baby. I think young girls think it’s so glamourous. The ultimate pet!
Good luck.
Trust me when I tell you that young adults who are out partying and living life are not living life as glamorously as you think they are. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side…ALWAYS. Life is what you make of it. Focus on your child…focus all your energy and love onto her. Get rid of the bad relationship too. It’s dragging you down even more. If you have to put your child in daycare then so be it. Most kids go to daycare. It doesn’t make you a bad mother. Get on birth control. Wait a long time before having anymore children. Get some control back in your life and situation. Make yourself as pretty as possible with what you have. You don’t need designer clothes for that. And if your “friends” judge you for what you are wearing, well, they are not your friends. Widen your circle and make some new friends. Tell your mom how you are feeling if she is not the judgmental type. Ask her to take you to the doctor to discuss your feelings. It sounds a lot like post pardom depression and medication can help with how you are feeling. AND KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF OTHERS OUT THERE FEELING EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.
Check the “hate being a mom” thread on this site. There are tons of other moms who feel the way you do. it helps me to know that I am not crazy when I see hundreds of posts from other moms like me, who truly hate being a mom.