Secret Confessions

I cannot forgive you for the places you sent me when I was young just so you didnt have to deal with the “PROBLEM CHILD” You sent me away like a dirty sack of laundry!! You told everyone I was a uncontrollable teenager. The truth was, I dated BLACK MEN and you hated me for it!! You let your husband push me out of the house, he called me names, he treated my younger sister so much better then me. I was the outcast!! ANd still am!! Your husband heard me on the phone late one nite talking to a friend of mine He said I called you a bitch, Truth is I probably did!! He tells you what I have done and u take me to the bus station and buy me a ticket to my friends house and you leave me there…..all b/c I called you a bitch!! I was 17. You gave up custody of me when I was 15 to the state ..you signed a finns petition…you said I was unstable….. U sent me to live in Foster care!! You sent me to Rivendale(Rivenhell) all b/c you cldnt contol the fact I was dating black men!! I never did drugs ….I never drank….I just had BAD TASTE IN MEN…..so u sent me away!! And now iam 31 and you still treat me like I am the worst person in the world..u judge me…critisize me…..say iam not a good parent..and I still want ur approval!! At the same time I hate you for making me the nontrusting person that I am today, the person who hides behind her laughter!! The person that has a hard time even CRYING b/c she cldnt show her emotions around you and supressed them for so long that its hard to be this soft person that I want to be, and I hate myself!! Its affected my relationships with my friends and relationships Ive had with men!! Even My daugher will suffer b/c of the person I am inside…