my parents will never know the impact they have on my life. on all aspects. from my social to my academic life they control everything. it hurts when they call me stupid and fat. it hurts even more when they mean every word. i always try to think that im blessed because some people dont have parents but it no longer works. i have pent up so much frustration at this point i cry myself to sleep. some people may not like school, but it is somewhere i feel accepted and appreciated. it makes me feel more relaxed, away from my parents. i try but my best is never good enough. nothing is ever good enough. i am scared of my parents, yet i never tell them to stop. i am not brave enough to tell my parents. the only things stopping me from harming myself and suicide are the thoughts of leaving my friends and the sad videos online. another thing stopping me is my grandfather. i care about him and i dont want to leave him before he one day leaves me. i am scared of death yet i welcome it upon me at times with open arms. i have given up trying to be an optimist and opted to be a pessimist because thats all i see. swimming is a way to relieve my anger but my parents already tried taking that away. saying no to my parents is one of the scariest things i have ever done. i dont think i will ever be okay again. my relationship with my parents is rough. i sometimes feel as if i am the verbal punching bag and that is why my parents havent divorced. it hurts me to say that this is most likely a first world problem and there are people scavenging for food but it stings.