Caregiver wants it all to end
Posted by Caregiver on the edge in Family on May 23rd, 2011 | 10 commentsI have been caring for my terminally ill mother for the past three years and I think I’m about to break. I just turned 30, everyone else is starting careers and families and I spend my days wiping my bed-bound mothers ass. I think about crashing my car and just leaving all of this for my sister to figure out. I love my mother but her brain cancer has robbed her of mobility and personality. She looks to me as her mother now and I get so angry and tired. How could I ever have a child and go through this all again? I want it to end for me and her. What would be lost if we were gone?
10 Responses to “ “Caregiver wants it all to end”
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I’m sorry. Tell your sister you can’t do it anymore. Talk to family and let them know you need help. Maybe your mom needs to go to a home where you can visit her but others can do the 24/7 caretaking. Good Luck.
I’m sorry for all you’re going through, really I am. But you are doing the right thing. My mother has Alzheimer’s, I understand. Keep doing what you’re doing, she needs you right now. It’s not fair but it’s life. You’ll be so much stronger when this is over by knowing that you’ve done things right.
I know you didn’t ask to be born, but this is the thanks she gets for wiping your ass and taking care of you?
I like Anon’s advice too; you could use some help and a break for sure
call hospice
Call hospice, the Visting Nurses Association, your local hospital, or the American Cancer Society. They can all give you services to help take care of her. That is too much responsibility for one person and maybe it’s past time to get outside help. They will even just come over to watch her for a few hours so you can just get out of the house if that is all you want. They can also help provide all the hands on care that you have been doing. Also, check for a local caregivers support group and see if they have any other ideas to help you out.
YOU ARE A VERY RUDE AND SELFISH INDIVIDUAL. SOMEONE (YOUR MOTHER OF ALL THINGS) IS DYING AND YOU ARE WHINING ABOUT WHAT UR ‘FRIENDS’ GET TO DO AND U DONT?? I BET ULL LIKE THE HOUSE SHE LEAVES YOU, ETC. HOSPICE WILL TAKE CARE OF HER FOR FREE (OR TAKE ALL HER THINGS AND MONEY AND THEN DO IT) THUS, YOU HAVE CHOICES. GET OUT AND LEAVE HER TO DIE WITH THE DIGNITY AND RESPECT SHE DESERVES FROM PROFESSIONALS. I BROUGHT MY DAD HOME TO DIE AND ‘WIPED HIS BUTT’ DAILY TOO UNTIL THE END. I WOULD DO THE SAME FOR MY MOTHER IF IT COMES TO THAT. FOR SHAME THAT U DONT FEEL THE SAME. LEAVE, TELL SOCIAL SERVICES TO TAKE HER, AND GIVE HER SOME PEACE. THEN U CAN JOIN UR FRIENDS ALL YOU LIKE.
good god, anthony..
anyways
what is the RIGHT thing to do in this case?
i dont believe it is always the obvious, ‘selfless’ thing to do.
if your mother was in good mental/physical health, what would she really want for you?
I’m so sorry you feel this way.
I did the same for my mother, when I was 24, when she died of cancer. BUT, it was only for about a week. I can’t imagine what it must be like to do it for so long.
Do you put your life on hold to care for her? Will you be seen as a ‘bad daughter’ if you don’t do this? So many questions.
You have to kind of find the balance, perhaps you could arrange a hospice for her and visit when you can, or work something out to share the duties with your sister.
Either way, I hope you find peace soon.
I cared for my renal failure father for 4 years till he passed. It is not an easy task, depression has it you at this time. I suggest you make yourself a doctor appointment immediately. It always sucks to be in a situation like this but this is a part of life.