Tired

Hello Strangers!
I am another human being coexisting with you in this planet and to tell you the truth, I don’t know if you feel the same, i want to leave the planet soon. But i am afraid of death and I don’t love life anymore. So, here I am with nothing to hold onto.
I was taught not to trust anyone, not even the one closest to you, so it took me three years to decide whether I should confess here or not. I came here as a last resort because i wanted to tell someone about the disturbance in my head. And i don’t want to share the same with my friends.
I hate myself. I am not satisfied with who I am and what I am doing. I hate myself for what I think, what I do, to be honest, I hate everything about myself. I am a coward. I am stupid.
Its not only me I hate. I hate the everything that’s around me. I have tried to sort my life, i have tried to develop some positive attitude but all in vain. Now all i want is to leave everything, vanish or die. But i can’t even do that because I am a coward person. I have no idea what to do with my life. I am so very tired of fighting myself and fighting everything.
many people ask me to be happy, to have patience and say that everything is going to be alright. But Its not easy. I want to cry so much. My chest pains because the freaking tears wouldn’t come out! leave it! Maybe that’s how stupid people are punished.

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