Tired

Hello Strangers!
I am another human being coexisting with you in this planet and to tell you the truth, I don’t know if you feel the same, i want to leave the planet soon. But i am afraid of death and I don’t love life anymore. So, here I am with nothing to hold onto.
I was taught not to trust anyone, not even the one closest to you, so it took me three years to decide whether I should confess here or not. I came here as a last resort because i wanted to tell someone about the disturbance in my head. And i don’t want to share the same with my friends.
I hate myself. I am not satisfied with who I am and what I am doing. I hate myself for what I think, what I do, to be honest, I hate everything about myself. I am a coward. I am stupid.
Its not only me I hate. I hate the everything that’s around me. I have tried to sort my life, i have tried to develop some positive attitude but all in vain. Now all i want is to leave everything, vanish or die. But i can’t even do that because I am a coward person. I have no idea what to do with my life. I am so very tired of fighting myself and fighting everything.
many people ask me to be happy, to have patience and say that everything is going to be alright. But Its not easy. I want to cry so much. My chest pains because the freaking tears wouldn’t come out! leave it! Maybe that’s how stupid people are punished.

37 thoughts on “Tired

  1. it’s sad to say, but we’re probably not the only ones who think this way. And yes, I did say “we”. It’s because I feel the same way. Have you ever felt like you wished you could take away someone’s cancer/tumor/disease and to have it be given to you instead? Just because you truy believe that that person would probably have so much more to live for? And our sacrifice wouldn’t mean much of a loss because we would actually be okay with leaving this world.

    This is the type of thing I think of every day. If such a technology allowed me to receive a disease in the place of someone else, I would do it in a heartbeat. I have nothing to live for, I am stupid, talentless, my friends don’t even act like they care about me as much as I do to them, and everything just feels like its in shambles.

    I feel like I have no one, so it’s a bit comforting to find out that there’s others like me. Well, not really comforting since it’s a bit sad how hard it is to stay happy nowadays, but that’s beside the point.

    I know it’s selfish to want euthanasia or to leave this world as soon as I can, but sometimes it’s just so frustrating how I feel like there’s nothing for me anymore.

    If you ever need a friend, and I do mean that, you can always talk to me. It’s always welcoming to have someone there who can listen to you rather than make everything about themselves all the time.

  2. Hello friend

    You do not deserve to be punished or in pain. I’m no expert in how to help but it sounds like I have shared many of your thoughts, feelings, and despair. I am happy to chat here with you. Also, I am providing a link to the suicide prevention page- they have an anonymous online chat option!
    https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

    Hope to hear from you!

  3. Please didn’t kill your self, Dear!
    I was once in the same Position as you are now, but I’m so glad that I didn’t do it, my life changed completely!
    Never lose hope my friend, I believe in you.

  4. I can relate. Two weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I can understand myself hatred and having no trust in others. The only person I thought i could trust has broken that trust into so many little pieces just for their friends…i always feel inferior in their heart compared to their friends. I just couldn’t take it anymore,swallowed around 30 or so ibuprofen,and cut my arms up until there was blood covering them plus my clothes. Texted my spouse “I’m sorry i can’t be better. Bye.” and meant that to be the end but they came home soon after and rushed me to the hospital. Don’t remember it really. Everyone around me doesn’t understand that being happy isn’t ******* easy and how can they say that suicide is selfish? I’m not saying it’s the right answer but if someone wants to end it why berate they? They are just tired and what have THEY done to help that person? Honestly, help is nice but there’s a difference between helping and berating someone…I don’t know how I feel about my attempt..i feel bad that i haven’t told my family. I feel bad my spouse had to take off from work. I feel bad that i’m wasting a psychologist’s time…but I can’t tell you if it’s a right or wrong answer or how i feel from it. Ever since the attempt i’ve felt lost..even more so than ever…i feel like a burden..i feel like nothing is real…some part of me feels like i died then..and i have times where things move..like glitches in reality and it freaks me out..i see bugs that no one else sees and it’s driving me crazy. Honestly, do what you will with this information but know it’s relate-able..
    -From A stranger who relates

  5. I feel the same way as you are. For the past few years I wanted to end my life but I’m as coward as you and afraid. I really tend to look on a positive way but it just end up disaster. when I talk to someone of my guilt, stress, sadness and anxiety I thought they could understand me and help me but their advice giving me wasn’t helping at all, now I’m just like an empty jar. Dead inside. I cry myself to sleep, even when I’m smiling in public I think about What is like to dead, what if i just disappear, their life should be better when I’m gone, I’m just as mistake. Its really sad to know that no one even your family and friends knows that you’re unhappy even your smiling. I know we should support each other and be positive but when you live in a place full of toxic and negative atmosphere its hard to be happy.

  6. it’s not your fault, none of it is your fault. i want you to try your hardest to stay alive, because there is always potential for it to get better. and there are so many things you can live for. think about all the things that make you happy. pets, hobbies, foods, whatever. that’s not a permanent solution though. reaching out needs to be your next step. if you are able to tell your parents about this and reach out to a doctor, that’s the best option. if you can’t, reach out to your friends. it’s not easy, but it’s necessary. they don’t want you to feel this way, especially not alone. friends can help you. last but not least, i, even a stranger, am here and i am rooting for you. if you need anyone to talk to, i am here. please stay strong.

  7. You are not god. So you can’t decide you have to live or die. Don’t do anything, which hurt any of the people at all. Don’t judge any god made things, because their’s things are always always best and also unique. You are also made by god so how can you be a stupid. Be kind and generous only that. Don’t care of any thing that hurt you, don’t mind especially that thing. If anything hurt you than thought that “I don’t care all that” or if you fail in any thing than you thought that “I will do it better next time”. Just only try to do your best.

  8. Perhaps life seems particularly difficult at the moment and it’s hard to find your place and your goal. However life is an ever changing space and yours is one you control. Don’t like your life? Change it! Don’t wish it away or wish yourself dead! Find someone worse off than you and help them.and through that help see yourself in a new light! You are capable and alive and able to change and challenge your future! Be the better you now!

  9. Yo dude, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not stupid. You’re not a coward. Trust me, you’re not the only one who feels the way you do. If you want to feel better, the first thing you need to do is not be afraid to express your emotions. If you feel the need to cry, do it. One thing that i’ve learned is that in this world, no matter what the media or anything else portrays, people are far more often good than they are bad. Even if you start crying in public, most people won’t judge you, and likely someone will come over and try to console you. Also, just talk to someone about these feelings. I would strongly reccomend getting professional help, but I realize that’s not always an option, so just talk to someone, anyone, about how you feel. I bet they can help. Second, Try doing positive and fun things. Meditation, Hell, just talking and going out with your friends, eating your favorite foods, long walks, anything that you enjoy doing just try and do it as much as possible and ride the wave of joy that you get from these activities as much as possible. If you don’t enjoy literally anything though, you should really get some help, because that’s a major sign of severe mental illness. Third, after you’ve gotten past the first two steps, try adapting a new attitude towards life. Love the small things. Beauty is literally everywhere in this world, embrace it. And most importantly, **** WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. Let me repeat that, MOTHERFUCK WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. As long as you aren’t screwing them over or causing harm, whether their opinion of you is valid or not is TOTALLY up to you. And you can’t give them that validation. If you’re a dude and you like wearing pink clothes, ******* do it if it makes you happy. If you like some cheesy 50’s song that nobody else knows, don’t be afraid to hide it. Just be yourself, and as long as you treat people nicely while doing that, you will attract the right people at some point. If you decide to be fake to try and get in with people, it’s not going to work, unless you’re very good at it, but even then you won’t be happy. Even if you attract a small group of friends when you’re being authentic, then who cares? as long as you enjoy their company and appreciate them and they appreciate you, then it doesn’t matter. Also, it’s okay to blow off a couple of responsibilities every once and a while if you’re really feeling down. But only occasionally.
    Another idea, if you can start smoking pot. Yes, i’m serious. BUT: if you do that, watch yourself, because you can become addicted to it (i’ve seen it happen before, it can happen). While a marijuana addiction is purely mental, not physical, like alcohol, cocaine, etc addictions, Iv’e seen people use marijuana to escape their problems, and have them become reliant on that to do so, and it get so bad that I would call it an addiction. Occasional Marijuana use is virtually harmless, but if you smoke multiple times a day every day for a while, you can kiss your short term memory and processing skills goodbye until you take an extended break. Anyways, what you should use pot for is to see the world in a different light, and to look at your problems from a more outside the box perspective. Weed is a psychadelic drug, so you can use it just like LSD and Magic Mushrooms to get a different perspective on everything, with much less risk. So my advice is to occasionally smoke (on the weekends or a couple times a week) to just see the world in a different light, to appreciate the beauty in everything, to think about your problems in a more in depth way. And if you do it right, you can take some aspects of you see the world when you’re high and make them permanent. I didn’t realize just how beautiful the world is until I started smoking pot. I had an ephiphone regarding my political beleifs when I was high once to, and it’s a very strong belief that I still carry to this day.

    Anyways, I hope this helped. I wish you good luck in this journey called life

  10. Dang. You just described how I feel everyday.
    I’m not even kidding. The way you described yourself is exactly the way I describe myself.
    Not sure what else to say, since I want to spare you all the typical cliches…
    But hang in there. If you keep looking for the answer, I know you’ll be able to find it.

  11. hi
    we all feel like that most of the time, but it is an issue if you feel like that all the time. but what I sense from your spirit is that your secret is not really that you hate yourself, but I suspect you have done something you feel is so bad that no one in in their right mind should forgive you, if they were to know. I think if we first spoke of what really is that is bothering you, we might have a chance in enjoying tomorrow. but I am availing myself if you are willing to talk about it, right here on this space. and I guarantee you I am the worst when it comes to things I have done. at some point in my life I hoped those who knew what I had done, would all somehow disappear from this world. Hoping you are still in this world, and if so I am attaching a pinch of the spirit of JOY…I Hope you will allow yourself to receive it…….

  12. Hi I experienced something similar and I found out that I had a mental illness and I’m better now but I did hate me self I though the thoughts in my head meant I was a horrible vile person but I learned they where intrusive thoughts and then I began hating my self for things I did mean but I should have but the illness made me feel like I should so please go to a mental health doctor

  13. Hello brother. I feel you and I can relate of most of what you are saying. May you find the peace and forgive yourself, and may our inner divine presence forgive all our negative thoughts.
    A heartful hug from your brother

  14. I feel the same… I just want to cry , sometimes with no real reason just because i hate the reflection the mirror shows me and I’m a pretty girl… But somehow i still hate it , i hate myself …
    But i dont want to leave this world just yet and i dont think you should neither.
    If you’d like a friend to talk about how much life sucks and cry if you need to write me and we can Skype no judging .

  15. I feel the same. Actually exactly the same. but it might just be a punishment for all the awful stuff I did to others and myself in the past? I am not stupid just stuck.

  16. I feel the same. I’ve even tried to end my life once. It does get better, but it takes time….a lot of time. Maybe a change of scenery will work. I hate being around people too. If you wanna talk, you can always reply back.

  17. I feel the exact same way majority of the time this feeling does not make you stupid nor is it a punishment. Everything may never be okay but you’re here for a reason and you cant leave this world yet its not meant for you too.

  18. Woa sounds heavy, but I’ve been there too, and I managed to get out of it. The ticket out? Simple, talk to somebody about it, but since you have serious trust issues, find somebody anonymous who has gone through something similar, and keep it anonymous for as long as you need it to be, you don’t want trust issues to get in the way.
    There’s always a way out, no matter how deep or black the hole seems at the time.

  19. Hi, I don’t know who you are or where you are from but don’t stop fighting until the game is over. It’s better living a life you know than venturing into the unknown. I hope this makes sense to you. I suffered from depression also to the point where I felt suicidal. I can’t sit here and say life is easy or things will get better because I honestly don’t know, but what I do know is I was saved through the idea of possibility. You never know what life could bring and how things could turn around. I now live on faith, I’m not talking the religious type but the type that keeps me going every day. If you can afford a therapist invest in one, or even a friend that’s going through similar things that you can talk to. Good luck and all the best. I hope you keep going.

  20. I feel your pain. I’m there with you as are millions suffering with major depressive disorder. I have a few good days a month and everything else in between is just existing. Like you i feel the overwhelming desire to just die or leave but the cowardliness in me keeps me locked in my miserable existence. I tried antidepressants for while and it helped me over my most difficult period but after a while I couldn’t handle the side effects so I quit them which was an ordeal in of itself. But since then I’ve learned to acknowledge that it’s not me but the illness and I refuse to give into it.
    I can’t promise you that it will get better but if we don’t stick around we will never know.

  21. I have been there many times. Last year I didnt go a single day without imaging 12 ways of ending it for about 7months straight. And it wasnt the first times Id considered it .. but it was the longest time straightm. My life was fine… beautiful house… two great kids… loving spouse… financially independent. Whats not to love about life right? I was just so done with existance and how over rated it all is. Tired of forming myself into this stupid pathetic cleche house wife. Tired of not being everything I always dreamed of being and days passing with no meaning. But… I made a few changes. And now Im happier. I mean.. I didnt find some mystical wonderful way to be suddenly happy again… but I am happier now. I still get down… still have days where I dont see the point in getting out of bed .. but it only goes that far now. I dont want to get out of bed feels a lot better then “I dont want to exist” All I can say is time and change. For me… I just needed to change the things about me I didnt like. I had to like myself again. And I mean.. Im not the kimd hearted never angry image of health and beauty I want to be … but I am kinder and more patient and I am healthier then I wad and making those changes to myself helpd me. I hope you can find what can help you…. whatever it is that is the reason for you. And I hope you can be happy again and from someone who has been there… someone who has lived in that state for a very long time.. I empathise with you. But be patient and do what you must to find your will to stay.

  22. Hey you’re not alone I feel the same way dumb and mentally tired of my own mess-ups. I’ve complained enough about my situation, had my ugly cries and I just feel completely useless and even though I really want to change for the better. I’m just really tired and worried about falling backwards again.

  23. Hi, I totally understand you. I used to feel the same way. I didn’t know what made me wanna wake up another morning, I didn’t see the point of going on anymore either. But first of all, I figured death is the one thing that actually scares me the most. The fact that the world will end and time will go on for eternity and I won’t think or feel anything, I won’t exist, it scares the hell out of me. It makes me realize that the value of life lies in simple things, the ability of loving and feeling hapiness. And even the bad things like hurting and hating, it’s what life gave us that makes us human.

    Secondly, though I’m still quite young, I’ve seen some of the darker sides of life, I’ve met people who suffered ten times worse than me and still carry on with their lifes. They taught me that it’s the big things that break you down and the small things that build you up again. It takes time, not to heal, but to get used to the pain. And you’ll get hit by many more bullets in the future, but you’ll also grow stronger everyday.

    Thirdly, human beings aren’t perfect. And still, we all tend to strive for perfection nowadays (partly because of social media), but know that flaws only accentuate your beauty. Besides, everybody has their own definition of perfection, so even though you can’t be the bravest, the smartest or the prettiest, you’re still a perfect human being.

    I know you might feel lonely. I know what it’s like to hurt so bad that you’re starting to struggle breathing. I may be a complete stranger to you, but I’d give anything to be there for you and for all who are suffering the same feelings. And so are many, many other people. Whatever happens, please. Know that you’re not alone.

  24. Dear Tired,

    I never come to this website, and out of nowhere I come and see your post.
    I’ll start by saying that you are NOT worthless. You may have identified areas that you feel less than others, but I guarantee you have at least one gift if not many talents that others struggle to have. Maybe it’s music, maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s just being able to breathe! Yes, that’s right. Some people would trade places with you.

    So, my advice if you care to read it, is to start your day with a list of things you can be grateful for. Even if the best you can muster for your list is that you’re breathing, or have a computer to type on, etc.

    And I would tell you that your focus is what you become. If you think you’re worthless, you’ll feel worthless. If you think you’re fortunate, you’ll feel fortunate. You may have nobody who is supporting you or feel like nobody cares about you, but you are precious and your life is precious. Try to do one thing that makes someone else feel better and you’ll feel better too.

    Try reading or listening to these books:
    Unlimited Power – by Anthony Robbins
    Awareness – by Anthony DeMello

  25. Listen first of all stop thinking like this imediately. You have to know that life is worth of living. Before everything i will recommand you to go on internet page youtube, and watch an video, unbroken is name, please do this, and look few of them on same topic. You dont want to die cause more than everything is our extraordinary life. You can change, always. I dont now, how old are y, but its never to late to change. And to feel good again. You have to think positive, believe me.

  26. 1-800-273-8255 (someone to talk to, and trust me, they’ll listen and won’t judge).

    Hey,
    I know how you feel. Maybe not exactly. But I have the same kind of thoughts. I talk to myself very poorly. It’s okay. Life sucks sometimes. I hate my job. I’m alone. No friends or family. But none of those things equal my personal worth… or yours. You are here. You are still breathing. You still have purpose. You still have POWER. Your mere physical presence will leave an unimaginably lasting affect on people and the world around you.

    Even though you feel useless, stupid, and discouraged. Try to imagine the ways your existence has positively affected those around you. Count your blessings. Maybe talk to God, if that’s your thing. It helps me.

    I’ll pray for you, my friend.

    – Anon “Matt”

  27. My heart goes out to you! I came here for a stupid selfish confession, but I just read your pain. All I can say is I hope you can find a light in the darkness to keep going. Sometimes you don’t have to be happy, but I hope you can start to find one thing that makes you happier. One thing you like about yourself.
    You’re not a coward, it’s just that deep down, waaay deep perhaps, you know there’s something to hold on to. You just need to find it. You’re not stupid to hate, yourself or everything around you. Cry cry cry it out and then just look for that glimmer of something. Hold on to it, and focus on it and maybe it can grow into something to fight for and pull you out. You need to trust in someone, there’s someone out there worth trusting. Believe me.

  28. I have no idea when you posted this but I really hope you’re still on this earth. I realize I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I’d like to help. You said you aren’t satisfied with your situation, are you married? In a job you hate? Do you have kids? You don’t have to tell me the answers to these but please think about them. If you have kids, please don’t leave them. Growing up with one parent sucks. If you’re in a marriage and you love this person then think about them and if you don’t love them then get a divorce. As for the job, take a vacation. Go explore the world and try new things. Try to expand your mind to the wonders that this world gives, maybe not directly to you but it tries. I know this might not mean anything to you but know that someone cares, I care. I don’t care that I don’t know who you are I care that you continue on in this world because life is worth living.

  29. Yo dude, its ok having a thought like this is ok. Don’t hate yourself if you don’t like yourself then start changing for who you want to be you dont need to care abt wat other are thinking about you. Tbh i wanted to help you more since i have gone though this myself before but i recommend you talk to someone that you can trust and i’m sure that that person will help you because this kinda of metal health issue like depression is serious you need to let it all out there’s no point of keeping it

    one last thing i need you to me a favor
    talk to someone abt this and it will help you so much more, if you dont have any one to trust well then you need to start trusting some of your friends more…

  30. holy shit man.
    that sucks.
    The world isn’t all roses and rainbows, but it isn’t all crap and pain either.
    You can find what you look for. Though it may be hard, especially in the beginning, if you start looking for the good things, they get easier to spot and focus on.

    sometimes you need a different perspective. Sometimes you need professional/medical help.
    Understand that the pain and unhappiness, that passes. don’t do anything extreme.
    talk to a professional. know that it takes time, but once you get a healthier outlook, life gets more fun.
    It’s work. but it’s worthy work. that pays off in the end.
    Hang in there. and work on getting yourself healthier.
    *fist bump*

  31. Hey stranger. You sound exactly like I did awhile ago. And here’s what im going to tell you. First off, don’t kill yourself. Im so ******* grateful I didnt die. And you will be too someday though it might take awhile. Second off, get out. Go for a drive and get lost. Sometimes people just need to do that. You will find your way back edventually. Third off, you know you need to tell someone. Not everyone is going to tell on you. I told my sisters. And they are my life support now and I am theirs. I never thought that would happen. People can surprise you. I think you will find someone to tell. And just remeber that it’s only for a second. You have other choices, most of them you just can’t see right now. I was trapped, and now I’m free. There’s always an alternate way in life. Go find it Stranger. We both know you can<3

    PS Cry. It does a lot more help than you think it does. You are an amazing person. Always remeber that. Good luck my friend

  32. You can cling to my life raft, buddy-o. I get sad too. You seem pretty smart and capable to me. It sounds silly, but looking at pictures of wild animals and plants helps me. Looking at real wild animals and plants – even better.

  33. You are not alone.
    I don’t know what has happened in your life, I don’t know you even, but I can tell you that the self-hatred isn’t you, the despair isn’t where you have to stay. I have sunk down into despair and had to find an outlet, someone to talk to. Medication helps too, worth a try. Please, please talk to someone who can help get the chemicals inside your brain back into alignment, so you’re you again. Go to a doctor and ask if there’s anything they can do to help you feel better, tell them you don’t want to be alive right now and the thoughts you’ve been having. Try a few counseling sessions if you can (worth it, I promise. Really helped me work through some old stuff that was coming back to haunt me and messing me up).
    Feeling this way isn’t your fault. You are not wrong to have feelings like this; sometimes it just happens, for a lot of different reasons, brain chemistry included. However, it CAN get better!
    Here’s a start. I know it might be hard, since it took a while for you to get up the courage to post here, but this is a hotline that can hook you up with resources in your area, called LifeLine: 1 800-273-8255
    Call it.
    Or you can text “home” or “hello” to 741741. It’s a crisis text line that is basically someone there, all the time, to help you through a really hard moment and potentially to refer you to someone who can help more if need be. It’s not a replacement for therapy, but it’s there to get you through and get you help. If you want to read more about how it works, there’s a link below:
    https://www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/
    (The home page of that site has some interesting stuff about how to cope in a crisis, as well.)
    I hope you don’t mind me replying to you. I hope nothing has come across as condescending, or presumptive, because I’m not in your place, and of course I don’t know exactly how you feel, or understand everything. I just want you to know that I care about you; I looked this stuff up because I care about you (even if I presented it awkwardly- hope I didn’t). Reach out to one of these resources or something you know of locally; you can do it!!!! You did it today. You are not a coward at all… You are really brave. You spoke to strangers and you made your pain known. And just know, there are many, many people -thousands!- who have had thoughts and feelings similar to yours, waded through darkness for months and years, and many who have reached out for help and gotten much better. I don’t say this to cheapen your own experience, but hopefully to express a little encouragement. I don’t believe this will be the end of you, I believe it will be the beginning. I’m cheering you on! I’m a stranger, maybe on the other side of the world, but I CARE about you. And if I do, a hell of a lot more strangers -and probably a few people who aren’t strangers!- do too. Don’t let go yet. Reach out.
    Much love to you, wherever you are. I’m sending love your way. I’m standing by you.

  34. Dear Friend,
    Sorry to read that you’re having such a hard time. Disappearing will not improve your life or condition however. Call your doctor today and show him or her your post. Then get into therapy so that you can work out your problems. Things will change for the better in your life. It’s worth a try. Take care and let us know how things are going. Be well now.

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