My heart is sad

So I was diagnosed with depression by my doc when i was 16, and took meds till 18 when health insurance wouldnt pay for it no more and it became a real hassle. I am 20 now. I try everyday to stay positive, and have worked to live happy and carefree. The only time i struggle is on holidays for some reason. I decided to throw a new years party to avoid the full on assault. Pay for big party lots of food and invite 30 of my dearest friends and family. The only one to show up was my best friend and his girlfriend for an hour. Im grateful for them but it hurt when no one else came or called to tell me they weren’t going to show up. What is wrong with me? Am i stupid to set myself up for failure like that? Is it just me?

7 thoughts on “My heart is sad

  1. I’ve noticed the older I get, the smaller my circle of friends becomes. I don’t look at it as a bad thing; I look at it more like good jewelry; I don’t have much, but what I have, I love.

    Your depression around the holidays is also very common Seasonal Affective Disorder is real and I have it too. Medication can help, but also so does doing some things such as ensuring you get enough exercise and exposure to Vitamin D via the sun; it really does make a massive difference with hormone levels and brain cognition.

  2. it sounds like ur doing good on trying to stay positive so good for u !! its just one party right. its their loss for missing out on an awesome party. and also sometimes it only takes one person to cheer u up and u should be grateful even if u only have one person because its a lot better than having none

  3. Nothing is necessarily wrong with you except you don’t perhaps have a large supportive network of people around you. Establishing this may take some work. For now, try to take care of yourself and your depression. Greater gains will come in time. Be patient and keep working to improve your life. Be well now.

  4. I had a similar experience with a birthday party once. Although people turned up, a lot of people didn’t turn up who said they would. Some didn’t RSVP at all. There is a story in the bible about God sending out invitations and no one turning up, so he sent his messengers out to invite out to all the poor instead.

    There is nothing wrong with God. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with you either. Sometimes people are just thoughtless.

    You are awesome. You deserve to have friends and family turn up.

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