My dream is too far fetched? … I’m thirteen I might have depression

I really want to be an intelligence officer for ASIS (Australian Secret Intelligence Service) Thats all I want in life. It is controlling everything I do grades, work ethic and health. I think I have severe depression. My parents are really involved in church and I feel like I never be able to make the decision to become a Christian if they keep dragging me to church things they want to because I want to go because I want to go. My best friend is 18 and she has a best friend and even though she is my best friend I feel like I’m not hers. My dad has anger issues and has hit me a few times. One day we got in a fight and he ended up grabbing me by the wrist and squeezing me not letting me go he had a mug of something in the other so I started kicking him. I really want to start boxing but I’m afraid of people but I NEED to hit something. I have lost so much weight and I don’t much only dinners. I have cut a few times. I don’t want anybody’s pity so I don’t tell anyone not a soul. These secrets die with me.

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