Just waiting to die

When someone commits suicide, everyone says “if only they said something” or “if only they sought help”
Well I’ve been wishing for death for the last 12 months and trying to get help for the better part of 6 months. A colleague asked me what I was doing for lunch. I responded “walking into oncoming traffic” and they responded with “enjoy” without batting an eyelid. They didn’t think it was a joke, they just didn’t listen.
R U OK day is a crock of shit. People don’t care about other people unless someone is watching.
I’ve tried to get help and nobody seems to think I’m worth even listening to. I can’t do much more than what I’ve done.
I’ve tried to live. I’m done with it now. Let’s not blame those that commit suicide for not trying harder. When society keeps pushing the narrative that you are not worth anything, despite your best efforts, you can’t go on like that forever.

41 thoughts on “Just waiting to die

  1. I left a suicide note once years ago. A friend saw it and just used stories to make me laugh and it did help me with my depression. As you can see, I changed my mind.

  2. I’ve been wishing to die many times just because of my parents. I know it’s harsh, but the truth about the world is that no one will ever care about you. No one will ever care about another person. You need to accept this and live, or just die.
    People who kill themselfs aren’t “not trying hard enough”, they are trying too hard. These people realized the truth, but cannot accept it, it’s too scary for them. Most of them are so afraid that they die, that’s how the world works. The moment you accept it, you can live again.

  3. I know what that feels like.. the feelings arr sometimes so strong. I love to listen to people but others just wouldnt have it. They see me as unfit or whatever.. i have had it with life. But i have little girl and my beloved folks and i coudnt do this to the lot of them… If you ever need to talk like for real you can reach me here

  4. Hey man I’ve wanted to die for the last 6 years of my annoying existence let me tell you something if no one else cares I sure as f*** do. If I spoke up in the community maybe people would help us but I agree with you. Most people don’t care anymore about us, we only have each other now and i hope you met your girl and children and read this and understand how much I actually care to pull myself up by the bootstraps and write this for you. I mostly hope you found happiness and discovered that life may be worth living . Peace brother if you don’t read this maybe another depressed soul will and f any of them do I have love for them just the same!

  5. I feel the same way but people do care about me. I just feel like a burden to then, like they’d be better off without me here. Soon I’ll try again. I’m sorry you’re feeling the same pain that shoots through every thought of mine. Be well.

  6. you don’t need other people to tell you that you’re worth something . what i’m trying to say is that if you ‘don’t realize your worth , how do you expect others to ?
    instead of feeling sorry for yourself, go and do something, anything, to break your daily routine that is killing slowly. also you need to think about how your suicide will affect those closest to you

    sorry for the tough words but i’m kinda awkward and i really wanna help !

  7. My kid was in the psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks for suicidal ideation. I was aboslutely devistated – this kid means the whole world to me. His father and stepmother never even told me. Again, I adore this kid like he makes the sun rise for me . . . It was a very ugly ordeal, but my boy always knew I would love him – no matter what! He’s a skateborder and he is awesoeme!

    Listen “Just waiting to die” Someone loves you and you don’t even know it. . . Don’t break their heart and ruin their world! Hang on Man, hang on!

  8. People can be assholes, as well as ignorant or self obsessed. I can’t say much for them, or the people you have tried talking to… but I’m willing to listen if you ever need it, I believe everyone has a worth and it just takes a f****** decent person to understand that.


  10. Me too, friend. I get how you feel.

    I’ve got myself a case of “I don’t want to live but I’m too scared to die”, so I’m just stuck in this loop of absolute despair. Any time I get remotely close to the edge every possibility of what comes after flashes through my mind and I back down. Every time I talk to my therapist I always tell myself she’s only helping me because its her job and she’s getting paid for it, which probably is nothing shy from the truth. It really does feel like people only care when there’s a witness around.

    Anyways, I hope you’re doing well and I’m always open to listen.

  11. Dear Sir/Madam (excuse the formality, I’m just trying to be respectful.)
    I’m sorry to hear that your friend didn’t bat an eyelid when you said you were going to walk into oncoming traffic. That is so cold. Please book an appointment with your GP. There are organisations set up to help. First call after that could be the Samaritans.
    I can’t say that I can relate to your feelings of despair but on a humanitarian level, I’m reaching out to let you know that a stranger cares enough to encourage you to get professional help. I don’t do platitudes so I’m just going to wish you all the best. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. Not my saying, I heard it by a YouTuber in relation to a double teen suicide. You need help and support, not suicide. You are definitely worth something whether you feel it or not.

  12. If you want life then you have to go where life is, regardless of how it repulses or offends you. People in your state didn’t just wake up one morning seeing death as relief. They arrived after walking a path that steadily let them down. Instead of turning directions they kept investing into the bankrupt philosophy. Some of these people know what is right and some have no clue. But they join in ignoring the truth of their lifeless path (knowing and doing are two different things). When you live in a culture of death the culture of life is demonized, attacked and thoroughly lied about. That goofy, silly path that has brushed your mind but you’ve ignored because it’s not on the acceptably sophisticated list, even though it is the only existential link to intellectualism, truth and freedom – reconsider. I’m not talking about idiotic disingenuous renditions. So – seek. Really seek. What have you got to lose? If you’re about to give it up then let loose in an open search into the lovely ridiculous. It takes time because there’s so much garbage. But so what – you have the rest of your life to spend on it.

  13. I know I don’t know you, but I do care. You probably don’t care about what some stranger on the internet thinks, but it absolutely breaks my heart to know that people feel so lonely and broken. I know the feeling all to well to let it go unnoticed in other people. I really really hope someone you know can see through it and give you the love you need. I’m so sorry you have to go through this alone.

  14. so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you are feeling better now. I have PTSD, depression and anxiety. it is difficult to even get the doctor to take you seriously. please seek counseling and do not leave until they talk to you or check yourself into a facility. hope you find peace in life.

  15. Volunteer your time and attention to someone else, preferably who is in need. Selfless acts not only make you feel better about yourself but make your time on Earth worth living and you’ll end up being someone other people want to be around. Cultivate relationships in a positive way rather than feeding self pity but if you do feel prolonged periods of despair seek professional help right away. Everybody hurts sometimes as the song says but hold on…

  16. hey are you still alive? we could relate our problems alright? just mail me up and we can start talking over whatsapp or instagram. We are sailing in the same boat most probably.

  17. I hope I am not too late but I care if you kill yourself. I don’t know what you do or where you live but I know that suicide is a waste of your life. Maybe one day you’ll impact someones life in a way that neither of you expect but you’ll never have the chance if you you’re not here. Living is hard, and life is hard, and I won’t lie to you and tell you that by trusting in god or the universe that everything will be alright. Sometimes it will and sometimes it won’t but with your own two hands you have the power to shape your destiny. If you don’t like your situation then change it, if you need help or someone to talk to then find like minded people to be around, either online or in person. None of it is easy and people don’t live because it’s easy, they live because they want toor because there is something they want to do. I want to map the oceans of the world and I want to live long enough to accomplish that goal. There is no reason to live. You give yourself a reason to live because if it comes from anywhere else then it has the potential to fail you. Take this time to find your reason to live even if it’s something like “I want to see the sun rise everyday”, your reason and your life belongs to you. Don’t let anything influence you to give it up.

  18. I don’t know if this comment will reach you, but I hope you are alive to read it. I don’t have anything to offer more than meaningless words, really. Things will get better and yadidah. I lost a friend a few years ago to suicide and even though we weren’t all that close, it still affects me today. I have been suicidal myself and pulled through, same with my mother and my sister. If losing a friend is this hard, losing someone I love.. it must be so much harder. I wish I could reach out to you, as a distant, online aquaintance, so I can try to be there if you just need to vent. But all I can do is say that I hope you find this, and know that there are people out there who would care and who are concerned.

  19. You matter, you have value, and how you finish your story is extremely important to the world if not just one person. Though you may have lost hope in humanity, don’t lose hope that your life has a purpose and that your life can and will change. You know, Compassion isn’t just feeling for, but by definition is to suffer with. The people closest to you may not realize that, but there are many who do. Many who are willing to suffer with you in this dark time, and rejoice with you as you begin to live again. Find a place that cultivates hope within you and know that there is one who came to suffer with all for all. Life can be overwhelming. We were never meant to go through it alone!

  20. My dear, my heart reaches out to your note. So much truth in what you said, but what if we held on a while longer, meet the right person that actually wants to help. I don’t think its really a case of people not caring but rather people are so taken up in their own lives and troubles they hardly have time to notice. And anorher thing, we make sarcastic remarks so much that it becomes nothing when heard. (The boy that cried wolf wolf have become us)

  21. Hi there, i felt really sad when i read this, there is a real feeling of aloness. I’m sorry that you don’t have anyone around you that has picked up on how depressed you are. My son tried to commit suicide a couple of weeks and i hadn’t picked up on the little things he was saying and the ‘jokes’ he would make about suicide. On the outside he seemed to be doing quiet well although he has always been a deep thinker despairing at the state of the world, and questioning the purpose of existence. So what i want to say is yes alot of social interactions can be so shallow, ‘im fine’ is the expected response, and sometimes people don’t listen or care, that is a fact. But that’s not true of everyone. Have you actually told anyone that you feel like dying? Do you have anyone you can tell? I hope you do. If not there are lots of websites with phone numbers where you can talk to people that will listen and do care. Sometimes when you get to a very dark place you can feel like the world is a cold place and no one cares, and we can all find proof of this, but also be sure there is love out there, but you do have to be brave and allow it in, in whichever way it comes, even it is a stranger you will never meet who sends a reply to your comment. Don’t give up getting help, you obviously want it. Underneath the wish to die you want to be met and heard. Depression and suicidal feelings are tough things to go through, it takes courage to meet these feelings and underlying thoughts that drive them. I hope you don’t give up. I myself have journeyed through much darkness , i have self harmed and wished i would die, there were times i just couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. But i hope this doesn’t sound trite or corny but really finding how to love yourself, how to love others and receive love and really BELIEVE YOU ARE WORTH LOVE (because more often than not it is our unexamined beliefs that keep us locked in misery) can really start to bring light back into your life. So again please get some help, you may need some medication for a bit if you have gotten very low, find someone to talk to and something that also helped me was meditation. Much love to you.

  22. Please dont do it, am sure your family loves you, and many other plenty of people..i tried to commit suicide once..had some bad shit going on.. but thinking about my family forget the fake friends and the fake colleagues think about the people who make you smile, a little..dont DO IT

  23. it’s true that nobody cares. But what to do. What will happen if you die? Are you sure things are going to get better? At least you can do something about life. Who knows what happens after death. Friend, I hope you are still alive. Death is very tempting, I understand that. But your pain and your happiness doesn’t need anyone’s approval for validation. If they don’t bat an eye, you know they are not worth your time. For the one who truly loves you will hug you even if you shed one single drop of water. Love is a very rare thing, and we must all search for it. you cannot get it from everybody, keep searching but never give up. I suggest you share your problem. so that we can help. don’t worry about others, let’s heal.

  24. I’m tired of my life nobody loves me I’m alone my mom and dad are in Pakistan I live in Australia since 2012 after my marriage he is abusing me and I have no body to tell my secrets no one

  25. Sadly, I agree and feel the same. Even when people think they care, it’s always with the condition that it never has to be uncomfortable for them. Once that happens, bye.

  26. Everyone is worth the life they live. I am an outgoing person and have many friends and even I often feel alone despite having a wife and 3 children. Taking ones own life will never solve the problem, it is the easy way out. Please go see a professional, they’re are many ways in which they can hep you. I know this first hand as I have a son who battles from depression and anxiety.

    I know that you state that nobody listens or hears you, but maybe your co-worker was asking what you were doing because he wanted to have lunch with you. I know you don’t think it was a joke, but most people don’t think someone is serious when they make a statement like you did and that person may have thought you were joking!

    Please go talk to a professional, you would be amazed at how much they can help!

  27. There’s nothing wrong with suicide. Life is yours and you can do with it as you please.
    However it seems to me that what sucks is not your life per se, but what surrounds it. Get rid of this society, which makes you feel worthless but also tags you as coward and blasphemous for not wanting a worthless thing. This christian narrative is BS.
    Take all your savings and a backpack and leave. How bad can it be? Worse than jumping off a building? If making a new life in a new place proves too hard, or not worth the effort, you can move on again… or I’m pretty sure they’ll have tall enough buildings there too.

  28. Hope your still around to read this. You need to get help now. Life is hard a daily struggle but it’s also wonderful. It’s up to you to make the best of it. I don’t know how old you are but as you get older life gets better whether you accomplish your goals or not. You learn to accept yourself for what you are not what you wanted to be. The things that your in pain over will one day seem so trivial you’ll wonder why you stressed out over them. You need to get proffesional help to get you through this temporary period of pain and when you get through it you will be so much stronger for it. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Remember I care for you deeply though we’ve never met and never will you are a fellow traveler on this journey through life and I wish you the strength to carry on. You will be in my prayers. Love you now go rescue yourself.

  29. Everything in your comment I agree with about this cold and vexing world of ours. I have been a prison counselor for 20 years and have often felt like you do. I will tell you something I found to be true, God loves you. It is a fact, you are not unloved my friend.

  30. I totally understand the way you feel dude, I was suicidal for months on end. But I know it’s better to live and experience as much as you can while you can. I would recommend trying to reach out to talk to a crisis text line or therapist, it’s whats helped me a lot through really tough times when I was barely just a bullet away from ending it all.

    Best of luck, JC

  31. Please don’t do it… It makes me so sad knowing that people suffer that much.
    Aren’t there any other solution?
    These people around you are so negative, but trust me there are also people who care… You should replace those negative people with good people, even if you have to escape and start a new life with better people.
    Just don’t give up now.

  32. Hi,
    You came on this site, you must think that someone would listen or you would not have come here? What is it that makes your life a waste of time or that you are not worth it? …..I’m willing to listen!

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