I’m disappearing.

Moving away next month, May 1st. Trying to start a new life. I’m not telling anyone where I am going because if things don’t work out I’m going to be ending my life. I was fired acouple weeks ago and not a single person seemed to notice my absence, and my family has not spoken to be in 7 years, so its not like me telling anyone I am moving would make a difference. Its not that I want to die, I just don’t want to live anymore, it sucks, its painful and exhausting.
Just wanted someone to know…..

32 thoughts on “I’m disappearing.

  1. Dear Poster —

    Sometimes hitting the “reset” button is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. This post was months ago, you may have moved already, or not. But a new place gives you a chance to be a new person. Sounds like the past you’re leaving has set you up to be someone new. Seize the day! Why not at least give it one more try?

    (And this is coming from someone in a deep depression herself!)

  2. Sounds like you need some close friends to fill the void of not having your fam to turn to…some of my friends are closer to me than my own sister. This is a chance for new beginning…reinvent yourself…if you were always quiet, speak up. If you were always a home body, get outside! If you don’t like your life then the beauty is you can change it!

  3. I wanted to do what you do, but I didn’t because a friend did everything to show me that at least someone cared enough about me to help. You also have a great friend who wants to help you too, so reach out to that person.

  4. Greatest mistake of all time. God has a purpose for your life that is worth living. Don’t give in to the depression and the lie that no one cares about you. God cares about you. There is a whole group of new friends and places to go and see. You are not worthless and a waste of time. Don’t make the mistake of ending your life. You need Jesus Christ He will guide you into new hope for a new day. I didn’t say you need religion you need a group of real Christians who will help you out of this pit you are in. Give God a chance to help you turn it around. Ask Jesus into your life and ask Him to lead you and He will I promise you that!

  5. Sometimes I have this thought.. “it’s not that I want to die, it’s just that I don’t want to live anymore.” But when I hear someone else say it, like you, I know there’s is something you can live life for. There is something for everyone. Please push yourself through the pain and exhaustion and find someone to help you. Maybe you even exist to change someone else’s life for the better. I hope you find a happier existence in the future my friend.

  6. Don’t make a permanent decision on a temporary problem. Get out of town, do something for your heart to be happy and have faith that you do, indeed, have a purpose.

  7. I went off the grid for almost 3 months, abusive drunken roommates and a horrible job and no family support meant I’d had enough! So I packed my shit and lived in a tent on free BLM campsites for months. I got better, not well but seriously better. **** the world do you off the grid but don’t just go out and end it, breath some fresh air first.

  8. I’m right there with you. A new place may be nice. I’m thinking of doing the same here very soon. But if I don’t wake tomorrow it will be a welcomed relieve

  9. Don’t end it . Life’s precious. You just seem lost. Know you’re not alone there’s so many of us like it. Please don’t end it before your time. Join some social group of stuff your interested in. Meet some new people. Make a new life. :)

  10. If we are depressed, medication helps to get us out of the dark hole by correcting the chemical imbalance. Then we can make better choices and see forward. We can’t even imagine too far into the future when we are in the dark hole but I can say from personal experience that the world, and people, and the future, seem so different on the other side.

  11. Don’t end your life, your life is precious, do something​ that’ll make you happy (dying/ending your life is not an option). I suffered from depression a lot over the years and just like you I wanted to move far away without anyone knowing so that I would die alone since it seem like no one would cared that I would be gone. I was hopeless, helpless, and kept feeling sorry for myself. I happen to be a Christian and I felt like even God wasn’t there anymore and that He had forsaken me. Even if you don’t believe there is a God or not, but I confess to you that I wouldn’t of made it without Him. To be honest I didn’t believe in him I would of committed suicide years ago. If there’s anything I know and believe by experience, if you give your life to Christ, you’ll always be able to get back on your feet because of Him. I’m not here to convert you or anything it’s just a little something I hope will help you renew your life in a way that you will be glad you decided to continue living instead of seeking death.

  12. I had to reply as I too have had the impulse to disappear, slowly rid myself of my possessions, ditch the apartment and leave. I think loneliness and depression are the lens that many of us wear fir different reasons and it’s been a very long road for me. I take comfort living in the ‘now’, start my days with positive affirmations and end them with thoughts of gratitude. Fill the time in between with authentic and kind interactions with others and your days will have meaning. Be kind to yourself WH even if no one else is, because in time, life will surprise and you’ll have to be open to accept it and appreciate it. I write this with good thoughts for you and as I’ve always said “never give up”. Fake it till you make it.

  13. All you need to do is meet new people and make new friends . First thing is you got to think more positive. Your so blessed that you r getting another chance. Moving to a new place is a wonderful chance. Number one think posotive. Number two, give yourself a new make over. You can chnage your hair color and buy new clothes and add some nice make up to ur lok. When you lok good, you will feel great. Number three get a job and socialize with people. Make new friends and build new contacts. Watch documnetrey related to poverty and people living in slums. I had rough times and I came across these people in slums documnetrey and trust me I felt sooo ashamed. Thos people live the worst life’ and still wake up with posotive thinking. Here we got everhting and soo many opportunities but still complain. Lastly, give, give and give. Give donations and help people with anything. You can even just make someone smile by telling a joke and trust me it will make your day. The more you give the more you talk from this world! I honslty even regret thinking about sucide.

  14. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things will get better! Laura offered excellent advice for moving forward with a positive attitude. Don’t let go of that! I’ve had tons of shitty jobs and shitty employers and shitty friends and family. Some days are still pretty shitty but I try to keep focused on the big picture. Be your own best friend! No one knows you better. :-) Get a dog or a cat when you get where you are going. Someone who needs you every day and will give you a reason to keep going. Develop friends who share common interests.

  15. My friend, I don’t know you but I don’t want you to die. People will never notice you existed anyway. Please, just don’t die.

  16. Please go to your nearest hospital emergency room and get treatment for your social isolation, depressive and suicidal feelings. Once this is done, try to reconnect with your family and friends. Loneliness is the thing that seems to be “killing” you. We are social creatures and need one another. Hope this helps and that you feel better soon. Take care now.

  17. There is more to life than you can ever imagine. Breath deep, its not the end of the world. there is a lot you can still do, getting fires may turn out to be a blessing in disguise…

  18. You can come back from anything. I did….if I can do it, so can you. I’m nothing special and was circling the drain. The only thing I can tell you is that you can’t do it alone.

  19. Theres allot of pointless death in the world, it would be a sad thing to add to it. Also consider that once it is too late theres a chance you might change your mind, the brain goes haywire when your dying and gives people a perspective change/epithany allot of the time. Theres reasons for killing yourself but theres also lost for not killing yourself. Besides if you can hold in there, no matter how bad things are, there is the chance you might look back in the future and be glad you didnt do it. Things will change.

  20. I can’t say I know what you are feeling. But I have thought the same things for a while now. I have people I know I can rely on now, but that’s mainly because I made an effort to care about them. I’m just saying the new place you are going to.. make a difference, don’t just exist. Live.
    Make a list of things you want to do, and make them a reality. Lists have saved me more than once, and I am grateful for them.
    Also, in the end, you live for yourself, and you have tout yourself first, and there is a joy in living life, doing what makes you happy. It doesn’t have to be the big things, really small ones count the most.

    And my biggest advice to you, get a dog. They are amazing creatures, and they give you their absolute love, and I have a feeling you need it.

    About your family, it all comes down to the simple question, do you want them in your life?
    If you do, make a call. Seven years is nothing in family years.

  21. If you don’t want to die then don’t do it! The fact that you’re moving and starting over is already a step in the right direction! Now you have to work on your perspective and expect amazing things to happen! Saying “if it doesn’t work out I will do this” is not a move in the right direction…why contemplate failure? Think what if I meet GOOD people; what if I find a purpose? What you give out into the world (positive or negative) is what you will attract so I beg you to change your attitude! May first is my baby’s 3rd birthday so I will just let you know off the bat that you chose a great day to start a your new life! I wish you the best but your life is what you make of it, remember that…good luck!

    1. I’m moving for a change of scenery. Be around new people, see new places, apparently where I am moving to is quite beautiful, but the amount of work that i’ll have to do to start my new life drains me just thinking about it. I plan on failing because I always have, I have a magical ability to **** up any task. A part of me wants to fail so i’ll just have an excuse to end it. My ordinal plan was to do it once I was fired, but a part of me wants to try again. But I can’t live where I am anymore. On what I said, I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live, sadly there isn’t many choices… I want to be happy, but so far my entire life has been 1 shit show after another, I’m just so tired.

    2. I admire you for being brave enough to just leave. I secretly dream about doing the same. Start again, be happy… I believe you’ll be fine. Thanks for being an inspiration!

  22. I feel the same that my life is worthless for different reasons but your blog makes me want to reach out to you because I care and if I do still feel something as I’m still caring amidst my chaotic emotional rollercoaster ride then life must be worth living and fighting for – please hang on in there, you have just given me purpose so you are valuable and worth living more than you know

    1. Isnt it an interesting fact that although our own lives can sometimes feel like “not” worth living, but as soon as we use our empathy for another human in a similar situation we feel, pity. And actually, want to help them, even if we don’t know them? But we are often unable to do it for our selfs. With me it is the same, I very often just want to end this curs curs curs life of mine…but then I find others I can help and after that I want to end it again…

  23. theres loads of things i considered saying to you but i dont think any of them will make much difference, but there is one thing i heard once that has been a tiny comfort for me, it was this: the natural state of existence is nothing, for an indefinite amount of time before all of this existed there was nothing, and after all of this has existed things will return to nothing.

    Theres no way of knowing if this is true or not but for some reason it gives me a little bit of comfort. I havent suffered much in my life so i cant speak for anyone but for me this puts allot of my problems into perspective and makes it easier to let them drift away

  24. Sounds like you are suffering depression… Please go to a doctor he can prescribe you medicine that will make you feel alone be again and will help you.

    1. Drugs are NOT the answer…who wouldn’t feel shitty if no one seemed to notice our abscense? This person’s feelings are understandable and validated …I think maybe getting fired was exactly what needed to happen for this person to get out of that monotonous atmosphere and change their life for the best!

    2. I was on antidepressants. My work covered it, and now I can’t afford it. Its not like they did much, if anything they ruined my ability to sleep and just function in general.

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