I can’t stop messing up

I’m 23 and I keep drinking to the point of blacking out. I wake up regretting everything and hating life. It’s driving my loved ones away. The longest in a couple years I’ve been sober was a month. I just have no idea what to do with myself sober. I hate everything about myself and am so uninterested in anything. I wouldn’t kill myself but I think about dying all the time.

8 thoughts on “I can’t stop messing up

  1. I feel like you need to go get yourself checked into a rehab center if it gets worse. If you don’t know what to do with yourself when sober, find a hobby – do something that you like, other than drinking your life away.

  2. Hi,
    I was in your exact position 2 years ago. I’m 2 years sober and 24 years old now. I understand how isolating and shameful it can feel, and I just wanted to say it can get better, as long as you’re willing to make the change. Look up your local AA meeting – I had reservations about religion etc, but it’s not religious, it’s spiritual, and it works. Also, go to reddit.com/stopdrinking – that’s where I first went when I was struggling. Make a post. People will help you. I went from utterly despairing, depressed, wanting to die, hating myself, drinking to blackout and regularly taking cocaine without being able to stop, to today having my own flat, a full-time job, in therapy and improved relationships throughout my life. Fundamentally, I’m okay with myself. I don’t wake up filled with dread. I can smile, and I am grateful to be alive. I feel like I’m a part of life, instead of on the outside looking in.

    If it got bad enough that you posted here, you likely have a problem with alcohol – they say if once you start drinking, you find it difficult to stop, then you’re probably alcoholic, but that’s only something you can decide for yourself.

    I really hope you try a meeting, and send you love and best wishes :) You are not alone, and you don’t have to feel that way.
    Take care of yourself.

  3. One life.. are u not going to give it ur all? Can a habit or euphoric state define u to such extent that you become so distant from urself ? No.. we form habits n we can break it.. we start our chain of thoughts n we can stop it. You are born to witness the power of being your true self. I dont know what that is but im giving life a tough fight to find out. Come on..lets do this together

    1. There are also alternatives to AA if 12-step programs don’t appeal to you. I drank a case of beer every night for about 12 years (and somehow managed to keep my job.) I was turned off of AA by the local addictions doctor who was a jerk. It took a while, but I found other alternatives. Start exploring and find a program that works for you.

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