Why do I not care that I was raped again?
Posted by Tonya in Confused on Mar 8th, 2011 | 15 commentsWhen I was 12 years old I was raped by a friend of a friend. I would honestly say im not sure how I dealt with that or felt about it but I remember alot of anger more than anything. Again at 19 year old I was raped by a date and this did effect me in many ways. Now 30 years old my boyfriend’s brother rapes me at there home while my boyfriend is out of town on business for a few days. I stopped by to clean up before he returned and his brother forced himself on me. I was upset at first but as a little time went on, I lack the ability to be upset or really feel anything about it. I am not angry at his brother at all, in fact we are fine around one another. I only feel slight discomfort around him sometimes. But my question is, why am I not able to be upset by what happened? It was a clear cut & dry case of rape, but my lack of sadnes or any emotion at all makes me question whether he raped me at all!
15 Responses to “ “Why do I not care that I was raped again?”
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Sorry to hear that. Maybe you’re still in shock? Maybe you’re just a really strong woman who isn’t letting it bring you down. Regardless of why you aren’t feeling much right now, you MUST speak up about this.. you MUST report your boyfriend’s brother. Maybe being raped doesn’t affect you much, but it hurts others.. and maybe that creep is doing it to other people. He needs to be stopped
And you are giving the boyfriend’s brother permission to rapes you again by not saying anything about it.
Have you reported any of these rapes? You have a reaponsibility to so it doesnt happen to anyone else. They should have thought about the consequences before doing something so deplorable, and second only to murder. So dont feel bad about it, or them. And the fact that he’s your bf’s brother is beside the point and doesnt change a thing.
I suspect its a few things: numb for it happening not once, but three times. The first one being so young, and nothing being done, you might have slightly been conditioned to being complacent about it on aome level, this also might be why youve had repeat offences. Predators can sense it. Get some professional psych/counselling help to work through the trauma. The more you do, the less numb you’ll be as you wont feel so overwhelmed; which is why you feel numb in tr first place – as a coping mechanism for overload. You’ll also get to a place where you’ll never let it happen to you again because your worth you making aure it doesnt by taking necessary precautions.
Its not your fault, you didnt do anything wrong. None of them should have done it to you in the first place. It ahouls never happen to anyone.
Then again i could be wrong about all of this. I hope you work it out.
Because your self-esteem is gone and probably has been for awhile. You need to tell on him because he will hurt someone else badly if he gets away with it this time..
I used to work in a rape crisis center and being attached from your emotions is a common response to trauma/abuse, especially if you were raped/abused as a child. Your mind tries to protect you, so it adapts and often gives you a false sense of security in unsafe situations and vice versa. You’re emotional compass was totally knocked off balance.
Some women came into the crisis center 10-20 years after they were raped who never believed it had such a big impact and all of a sudden it hit them all at once. The brain is an amazing tool but defense mechanisms such as detachment to emotion are only supposed to get you through the crisis period until you are capable of dealing with the depth of the trauma. If you don’t deal with it, you will continue to have emotional obstacles, whether you are conscious of it or not. Often rape/abuse survivors develop addictions, co-dependency issues, relationship problems, allow others to abuse them etc.
When you are ready to get in touch with your feelings, it will be a difficult but enlightening journey, and the strength you will feel after facing your darkest moments is incredible.
I’ve been through it. Best of luck to you.
Poor girl, I’m so very sorry. I agree that you are probably still in shock and would guess that you feel numb pretty in general.
As the above poster said, I totally agree. In fact, what she describes is exactly what happened to me. I remained in denial for thirty years, then once I could face the childhood rape/trauma in my life could I finally begin to learn new skills to deal with it… It’s not a quick or easy process. I’ve worked hard to have only supportive people in my life, and tossed abusive people out (mostly family of origin) Slowly I am getting better. Please, keep going and please give yourself credit for being a survivor and know that at some point you will be your strongest person ever!
you should report the matter at the earliest and if you are unable to do so then you should try and analyse your mind as to whether it was really rape or consensual sex, for at-times though the conscious mind may make you believe that it was rape , however the subconscious mind may have made you do it.
I was raped too and went back to the same guy to be raped a second time. I think it’s a defense mechanism where you put up with it and endure it because it’s hard to deal with someone embarrassing and humiliating you, so you don’t. Like I did, you just check out and not deal with it, or convince yourself you wanted it because it always makes things easier to say you had a choice.
If you don’t care about yourself at this moment, at least do it for your boyfriend. He too needs to know, and you need to get help before your defense mechanism turns into something more serious like suicidal tendencies because it will indeed turn into something else…
or what happens if you end up getting preg because it happens? Instead of being a victim you will be made out to look like a cheating whore. You have to do this to protect yourself or at least those around you.
I agree. I was also raped repeatedly by the same person.
When you are raped it causes you to feel worthless. Your mind says, “If someone did something this horrible to me, I must not mean anything.” ESPECIALLY if it was someone who knew you and is supposed to care about you. If rape causes you not to care about yourself, then you are not going care that you were raped. As the others mentioned, this is just your mind trying to cope with a traumatic event.
When you begin to face your past, you will start caring about yourself and care that you were raped and feel all the emotions that come with being a rape survivor.
You deserve to be happy and treated with respect no matter what anyone has done to you.
i dont understand why you continue to let this happen when you clearly know its wrong it sounds like you almost like the attention or you feel as if you deserve it you really need to speak to someone about it cuz its definetly not normal to continue this behavior
know how you feel i am scared to report my rape, i feel like i’m not a virgin so i.m ok then i get angry i feel punked then i get depressed for not taking up for myself this cycle continues. you should say something even if your bf dumps you or at least go to therapy.
I was recently raped by my boyfriend . I wanted to wait to have sex and he didnt. So we were sleeping and he woke up and forced himself and came inside me. I am completely numb with this whole situation. Its almost surreal i still cannot believ it happend to me and its only been 2 days
perhaps because you have been raped so many times your coping mechanism is to feel numb.
it’s quite a common way of dealing with traumatic experiances such as rape.
but for whatever reason you do not feel upset you should definately report the brother! he has violated you and probably will do to others.
if you speak up you may help other women who could also be subject to his disgusting act of agression.
i hope you are ok and i am deeply sorry that you had to go through it so many times
This is very sad. Because of the first rape and the lack of support from family or friends you began to feel a loss if self esteem. Your boyfriend restored some of your self esteem when he came into your life, but the rape experiences have removed all if it. Unless you seek therapy you will hate yourself and hate men. Also, you must seek legal recourse in dealing with this situation.