11 years in the military. I recently got out. I just finished my 2nd tour in Iraq. The last year or so Ive felt so angry, so worthless, and so empty. I left active duty a month after returning from Iraq, feeling horrible I bought myself a ticket to the Philippines. Spent 2 weeks there having sex with hookers and drinking non-stop. I hoped to wash my feelings of worthlessness away. And to feel some kind of love, because i felt so empty. It just got worst. In 6 months, I wasted my entire savings of $50,000. That money was to help me return to school. Now I am unable to even pay rent and a credit card bill that I have built up after blowing my savings. I ruined my life. I used to be responsible and mature. What happened to me? Now, I think about killing myself. I don’t only because my younger sister. I don’t want her to deal with that. No one knows what I’m feeling right now. My entire family has always looked at me as the successful one. What happened to me? Broke, depressed, just wanting to die. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I let myself down. I hate myself. I hate life. I had my dreams right in front of me to grasp. But ruined everything. People rely on me, and I can’t help them. I can no longer help myself. I have nothing. A bunch of medals that only remind me of memories I wish I never experienced. If I didn’t have those experiences, would I be the old me? I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done.