Secret Confessions

So I have this ex-boyfriend.

We’re on a friendly basis, and he just transferred to a new college. He calls me, and tells me he has this amazing job, and cool first week of school.

I wanted to succeed first; to get a new boyfriend, or a new cool activity that I could flaunt.

I feel like a failure, like I’ve been wasting my time in college and not putting myself on the paths that I want to be on.

I want to write for the paper, but I don’t. I want to take a dancing class, but I don’t.
Its always “next quarter,” “next week,” and I just sit and watch internet movies. And sometimes read school books.

I want a new boy to care about, so I can finally sever this attachment to my ex. I read his myspace mail, since he gave me his password back in our heyday; still keeping tabs on him. But for what? I haven’t the right to be jealous of him, and its a jerky thing to do, this begrudging him his happiness.

But I can’t stop; I still want him to want me. Kind of a validation thing, I guess. And when he’s being happy with himself and his life, he isn’t moping about me.

Ugh. I’m such a failure at life.