Validation.

So I have this ex-boyfriend.

We’re on a friendly basis, and he just transferred to a new college. He calls me, and tells me he has this amazing job, and cool first week of school.

I wanted to succeed first; to get a new boyfriend, or a new cool activity that I could flaunt.

I feel like a failure, like I’ve been wasting my time in college and not putting myself on the paths that I want to be on.

I want to write for the paper, but I don’t. I want to take a dancing class, but I don’t.
Its always “next quarter,” “next week,” and I just sit and watch internet movies. And sometimes read school books.

I want a new boy to care about, so I can finally sever this attachment to my ex. I read his myspace mail, since he gave me his password back in our heyday; still keeping tabs on him. But for what? I haven’t the right to be jealous of him, and its a jerky thing to do, this begrudging him his happiness.

But I can’t stop; I still want him to want me. Kind of a validation thing, I guess. And when he’s being happy with himself and his life, he isn’t moping about me.

Ugh. I’m such a failure at life.

2 Responses to “ “Validation.”

  1. juubn says:

    Failure in what?

    U already know what u want to do so just do it. Taking a dance lessons can not really be a big step can it? Live your life instead of your boyfriends. Movies and internet suck ass, go to walk in the forest, go fishing, go travel, go party and get ******, do whatever makes you happy but dont sit home feeling sorry for yourself. Seriously, life is not that serious, its just a ride so u might as well enjoy it. Times we all get stuck but then u have to kick yourself in the arse and get moving.

    Enjoy your writing and dance class!

  2. think about it says:

    argh, poor sweet heart! Not stalking the ex via technology is a hard one. just do something, anything, that will make you indifferent and yet happy for him. you can’t get into a new relationship until you feel okay about the end of this one! and don’t use him as an excuse for not getting off of your butt :)

Leave a Reply