Two Sides, One Body

I long to be a mother, but I hate children.
I do everything in my power to have a stable life, although stability bores me.
I take pride in being sober, but every day I crave to use again.
I love being in long relationships, but I am dangerously weak to temptation.
I strive for professionalism and structure, but my soul just wants to travel aimlessly and endlessly without a care for my outward appearance.

Every day feels like a war between what I like to do and who I have to be.
I just want to be me, but I know it will leave me in a ditch somewhere.

2 thoughts on “Two Sides, One Body

  1. Me too! I want to be something special : ) I was carefree, then I started getting ugly, then I wanted order. And now I want order and then later be carefree. I want ze children, when I can give them safety and enrichment. Journeys and what have you. Anyway good luck. I chose to choose one and then be the other later. :))

  2. Dear Two,

    Why not get into counseling and start sorting some of this out? A good therapist can help you to realize what it is that you want for yourself or not.
    Take care and let us know how you’re doing.

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