To Be….?
Posted by Frozen in Confused on Jun 13th, 2009 | 4 commentsI am a 20-year-old undergraduate at a prestigious college. All my life I have only ever dreamed of doing something, ANYTHING, good for the world, but with one catch. I had to get the credit for it. Win-win, I figured. This messed up world gets a savior and I get validation.
I have always prided myself on my intellect and love of learning, and am a very good, very smart student, but now I feel constantly immobilized and terrified by the mundane pressures of day to day life and I have no idea why. Am I so insecure that just the prospect of applying for graduate school sends me into catatonia? Am I so selfish that the thought of living a non-descript life without glory or adventure makes me flirt with suicide?
The worst part is that even talking to a therapist or spiritual leader about this feels shameful — here I am, unworthy, lazy, worthless, taking up more of their valuable time with my insignificant woes. After all, there are rape victims and soldiers with PTSD they should be helping; people who’d actually make something of their lives. I used to dream of healing the world, of being President. Now I dream of being able to smile without lying. My, how pride cometh before the fall.
4 Responses to “ “To Be….?”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
I can sum this whole thing up in two words. These two words will work if you follow them to the letter. Ready? Here they come…
Grow up.
I totally understand what you feel. It’s a lesson most wise people learn if they are lucky. If you learn humility and slowly integrate it into your dreams then you still have a shot at living a happy life. You seem to be the type that is in search of long time happiness instead of temporary excitement and that is a good thing.
Just remember, there is a big difference between hope and expectation.
It is with expectation that pride comes; hope leads to humility. The world does not owe you anything and nothing on this earth is your birth rite. Hope for the best but expect the least. And i hope that through the curiosity, that is naturally existent in every intelligent mind; you will gain the gift of Understanding with which come wisdom.
Prestige college! And you feel low? What?! You do have the opportunity to make a difference. You want glory, hell just interact with people. You want a bigger spotlight, well ****, go get involved with with a bigger charity and see for yourself where your ideas & money are going. You can receive applauses and take it without “them” knowing you take it as glory/praise. Suicide? You got to be kidding. Shi*t i will love to switch lives with you!
u r to be appaulded for ur self awareness and deep introspection. i find u very impressive. ur problem is that u dont realize how deep u r in a very shallow world. u r too good for this world. u r a great deep soul. be true to ur beliefs and u will find great reward in that. but do realize that most ppl r pathetic and shallow. they r not anywhere in ur league. ur just a special person and in being so, u find urself alienated. welcome to the club. signed, a fellow independent thinker.