Secret Confessions

****. It’s amazing how tiring life has got. Can’t believe you’ve managed to **** me up when i tried to help u. U nothing but a two bit twat who’s not even worthy to breathe air on this earth. Lemme explain to all u readin on this. I’ve known this guy for years on end. He tried to commit suicide and i thought i’d be that supportive frend. now pumpin in life to him and rescuing him from that its left me drained, exhausted and ****** up. he got better and happy when i was helping. somehow we ended up having sex. i was not that into it but it was good. next thing he started having mood swings and i knew he had to be bipolar. he got angry and punched walls i thot he was going to hurt me. he forced me to have sex and he was happy again. little did i knw he was controlling me. only when i was in a well so deep did i realize it was emotional abuse. i tried to keep afloat and help him. i moved faraway, but he hounded me with phone calls every hour of the day threatinin to kill himself or sayin he had bought a gun and was shooting himself, or jumping off a roof if i ever stopped talking to hm. i got him to calm down a few months later, but by then the same feelings of depression and suicide started to plague me. stupidly i tried to get help from him. all he did was degrade me and force me to do sexual acts. the last time he forced himself on me and anally raped me. he was like another person and he jus would not stop when i tried to get him to. i tried to tell him i was leaving and told him i was going to approach his parents to get him institutionalized, but he blackmailed me sayin he wud expose personal information about me to my friends and family. felt so locked, trapped and alone. cause i could not talk to any1. managed to get things together and breakaway from it all. but feel like i am losing it. feel my head is constantly trapd in this past bullshit. my self confidence has been robbed. i was such a bubbly outgoing person. now i cant even concentrate on the simplest tasks at work. my mind is trapd. i am a very intelectual person. have tryd to read books even turn to god. but i still have these feelings. the other day i was happy to know he was hurting and in pain after being attacked. feel like its karma. i am not a horrible person. just now wana be able to live a normal life again. its not easy to let go of the past. especialy if wounds have been inflictd for yrs. this site has let me say this. this is the first time im sayin help me…