No Place for Me

Here I am at 34yo and despite traveling across the country and living in a handful of states for education and work and having more opportunities to explore the world than my parents and siblings, I am no closer to being happy with my life nor feeling as if I have found a place to call home.

I have people around me who I call friends, but none of them really know me nor seem to want to really take the time or interest to get to know me. These friends all feel superficial. If I quit my job and left this area I have been in for 6 years now I feel like no one would really care nor miss me. I keep trying to leave and find a better paying job but nothing comes of my searches. So I continue to be in a job I’m not overly happy in, in a workplace where I feel I have little to no connections or relationships with people anymore, and in a city that, despite being so large, leaves me feeling so alone and uncared for.

I’m part of a community that seems to think anyone past 30yo is not attractive nor worthy of a relationship anymore, therefore attempts to get to know someone or start a relationship are declining each day as I get older. Plus if I don’t a certain trendiness or body then that’s two more strikes against me.

I wish I could just tell the world to **** off and run away from all of this bullshit and do what I truly want. But financial debt keeps me anchored.

Where is my happiness? Where is my peace? Where is my place to fit in?