I’ve lied about being raped

I’ve lied about being raped. I was never raped, but I told this lie in both of my relationships that I’ve had so far. The reason was that I was so scared of having sex and couldn’t think of any other excuse for not wanting to have sex.
I’ve lost my virginity this year to my boyfriend. I didn’t really like it, and I don’t really want to do it again but every time we see each other we still do it because he now thinks I’m “over it” (meaning the rape that’s never really happened) because I was able to sleep with him. If I tell him the truth now, he will hate me as much as I hate myself already for this. I can never ever come clean about this, it’s the most horrible thing I’ve done in my life.
In the relationship I had before my current boyfriend, I told the same lie and we never had sex. He left me after a couple of weeks and never told my why. I’m guessing no sex was the reason. He never learned the truth that I was never raped.

6 thoughts on “I’ve lied about being raped

  1. I understand that you feel bad, and you should. As someone who’s been raped, I hope you never have to actually feel what it’s like. Don’t lie about it anymore, cause Karma’s a bitch.

  2. Lookup male chastity / female led relationships. There are literally thousands of men who want you to tease them and not have sex.

  3. You are asexual… and some people are like that… for no particular reason. You should accept yourself the way you are and be truthful… to those sharing your life… to yourself… the truth will set you free.

  4. You don’t need a reason to not have sex. If someone doesn’t respect your consent and asks for a reason, leave them, because they don’t respect you.

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