I’m secretly gay

Hey, I’m a ninteen year old girl and I am a lesbian. I am always putting myself in uncomfortable situations with guys and I don’t know why. I thought if I left my country for a while I could be myself and it wouldn’t matter who I was because soon I would be gone but I’m not, I still hide.
I always thought that once I lost my virginity it would be ok, I would realise it was just a phase or whatever…but it’s not.

I know people will just say to get therapy or telling my family and friends is the first step but I’m not doing either of those.

4 thoughts on “I’m secretly gay

  1. Hiya,

    I went through the same thing. And I slept with quite a few men to try and hide my feelings. I quite enjoyed the sex but had no interest in a relationship with a man.

    Dont worry it does get better! Start doing the things you enjoy – for me it was music and events – and just meet people who enjoy similar activities to you rather then trying to meet someone. Learn about yourself and get real self confidence and learn to love yourself – I know it sounds cliche but its true. You must be pretty brave and outgoing if youve moved to a new country! The thing I realise the most is that I was so worried about my sexuality about people finding out and never meeting someone that it ate me up and was all I thought about. I was the creator of my own reality and I was my own worst enemy. You are in a new country you are in a new position to reinvent youself as the person you want to be. Its not lying about who.you are rather experimenting and creating and finding.out what you like and dont.

    I am now engaged to an amazing woman, and we are surrounding by fantastic friends and family who love us, running our own music venue with my best friend and his wife.

    Sexuality is such a small part of anyones identity. Its very easy for people to get wrapped up in the gay scene and find.it very hollow. I myself have issue with the club scene there is a defintely a dark under belly. I briefly dipped into the gay scene but realised I didn’t just want to be someone because they were the same sex as me but because they were good conversations and had similar values and ideals to me.

    I found as soon as I stopped caring and being afraid of being “gay” (or I prefer queer) I didnt care about what other people thought and actually people people didnt care either they just wanted me to be happy. I was afraid alot because of the stereotypes that don’t really exist, the butch lesbian but what ive found out is that there is a whole spectrum of women are gay or bi curious – youd be surprised how many famous models / musicians are actually lesbian and do not fit the perceived notion but are forced to hide it by their agents. I think if these figures were more publicly gay – rather then just saying they support gay rights they.could be amazing role models.

    Also lastly, don’t box yourself in. Sexuality is fluid – it changes! I have friends who swore they were lesbian but met men who blew away all their perceptions of love and gender. I have straight male friends who have slept with men but still.consider themselves straight. I have “straight” couple friends who the man likes to wear skirts.
    We really are living in a time where gender and sexuality roles are breaking down.

    Last thing, the person you fall for should be your best friend as well as the best lover.

    Sorry its so rambled I never normally post!

  2. Dear Friend,
    Allow yourself to reveal your true nature when you’re ready. In the mean time, it’s okay to avoid “dating” and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. There are people all around you who love you and will accept you for the beautiful young woman that you are. For now, concentrate on your studies, job and interests. When you’re ready, you will probably decide to take steps toward self-disclosure.
    Take care now and let us know how you’re doing.

  3. If you don’t share who you are you will never accept yourself. If people don’t like it, find different people to share your life with. It’s all about self-love…a must if you want to be happy.

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