I’m a horrible human being
Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Jul 23rd, 2009 | 17 commentsI don’t love my step-kids and it FILLS me with rage that my husband pays child support which supports his ex-wife’s social life mortgage etc. Is this normal???
17 Responses to “ “I’m a horrible human being”
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you knew that was going to happen when you married him, so why bitch about it now.
telling someone that “you should have known that before you married him” is like telling someone “you should have known you would hate your job before they hired you.”
When you married your husband loving his children WAS NOT part of the package. Inasfar as the support money as hard as it is to accept what she does with it is none of your concern.
Just think of it this way. You got the better part of the deal. Money comes and goes hubby is until death do you part.
BABE/ INFACT U SHULD HAVE BEEN THE REAL MOM AND OTHER WOMEN BE THE STEP THEN IT WOULD HAVE SOLVED THE WHOLE ISSUE
Child support is hard to accept rather your the paying it or if it’s coming out of the family budget, 1 don’t get involved with someone who has kids & pays child support, you knew what you were getting yourself into, I don’t feel sorry for people like you I’m just glad that’s not my life. I would never marry a guy who had to pay for his other family. That’s not your choice anymore though you’ve gone & married him. Doesn’t sound like your marriage will last resenting his ex and all. If you resent & hate his kids why would he want any with you, he may be afaird you’ll resent them too. GET A GRIP.
Eh well, you don’t need to love them. All you need to do is like them. Ya know, maybe just be friends. Love isn’t something you can force.
And as for the money, well hey that’s “the man” for ya.
You don’t have to love them. Just show them respect because they are your husbands children. As far as the money goes. Yeah that really sucks but it isn’t forever….. Just till they are adults.
At least try to like the kids and treat them with respect- they will sense it if you don’t, will complain they don’t want to visit, then your husband AND his kids suffer. About the money- SUCK IT UP! As “the first wife” who gets child support, guess what sweetie- it takes 2 to make a child, and 2 to support it these days. I contribute, he contributes, but his share is more because he earns more. Yes, much of it goes to pay the mortgage, but that’s because he wants the kids to stay in their house- his idea, not mine. If you didn’t want to deal with a man who takes care of his responsibilities (ie. the children he fathered) you never should have married him. Have a few kids yourself and see what it takes to raise them. Then think about doing it alone. Bottom line- deal with it.
And by the way, I saw that Bubear50 said “Money comes and goes hubby is until death do you part.” Guess what? His first wife thought so, as did I with my ex-husband. Don’t think you’re immune to becoming ex-wife #2. Hubby won’t be “death do you part” at that point.
[quote comment="4044"]Eh well, you don’t need to love them. All you need to do is like them. Ya know, maybe just be friends. Love isn’t something you can force.
And as for the money, well hey that’s “the man” for ya.[/quote]
Speaking from my own experience, it’s very difficult to love your stepchildren, and you’re honest to admit your true feelings. My stepson aged 21 lived with us for 5 years. During this time, he drove me completely crazy. He was doing drugs and drinking like a fish, swearing and being rude towards me, his stepmum. My husband (his dad) spoilt him rotten and would stick up for him, not for me.
Everything came to a climax when his girlfriend moved in without asking my permission. My husband gave his blessing. She was an absolute bitch and took advantage of living at our place without having to pay board. She took over my kitchen and the whole house, and took 45 minute showers every day.
I got fed up. I ended up moving out and I am now separated from my husband. It was the hardest thing to do, because I love him dearly. However, it was the only solution. I couldn’t live like that any more.
As for loving your stepchildren: I can tell you from the bottom of my heart and may go to hell for it, but I hate my stepson and never want to see him again for as long as I live.
Judge me if you like, but at least I’m not pretending to be what I’m not…
Bye for now,
Isabella
hell naw,*** bby mamas!!!!!!
i feel you.
but it aint like u aint knw soooo….thts all u.
Filled with Rage? That’s really strong, Why? Who are you more mad at? Your Husband ? His Kids ? His Ex Wife ? Yourself? Start by answering that question. and if you think this is a “deep, dark, secret” where no one knows, think again. Your every day actions, words, etc show it to everyone. Do you play the scenarios over and over in your head? Stop it! unless you want to be ex wife #2.
I would hate to be married to any one who doesn’t support his kids as he is supposed to or be responsible for them. If he financially or emotionally abandoned them like they didn’t exist, wouldn’t you be worried he would do the same to you? He had the kids before you came along.
How do you know that the support is going for a social life or the mortgage? and who are you to say where it goes? It was his money before you came along, and he was paying then I presume, so why do you see it as a rage filling situation now? Is the ex remarried? Is it because “they” or “she” has something you don’t? Are the kids getting something you want? Is it because you have a family as well and you want it all? Do they have more or you see them as having more? or are the kids suffering cause the ex is out there doing god knows what? Do they have what they need? what about the kids?
This issue isn’t just about money, it’s about control, and honey, sorry to say, this is not an area you can control, but you can control how you feel about it.
While you don’t love your step kids, can you at least like them? Do they dislike you? Can bet they feel your hostility. Do what’s right by them. The child support issue is not yours to be mad at, and you can choose to love them. You are the adult, start acting like one.
I understand how you are feeling. I used to like my step-daughter until she referred to me as a bitch in text messages to people. Now I can’t stand her. Child support? We went from $882/month to $1406/month for one child, she wanted an increase when she heard I was pregnant. They had been divorced for 8+ years when we married. Why should I and my kids suffer because she feels she needs more?? Don’t tell me how much it takes to raise a child, we are raising 2 under the age of 3 on less than $1400 a month. She is just a greedy bitch. But as everyone else has said, you chose to marry him. BE HAPPY!! (And pray for her early death!!)
it fills U with rage? how do u think it feels to the men who have to pay it? welcome to the sexist anti male world that we men have to put up w in our gynocentric pro female anti male society. do u think it would be allowed to stand if the divorced woman had to pay for the man’s social life, mortgage, etc.? of course not. the anti male double standard must stop.
Hey Shannon…I agree with you…They are total bitches…I can’t stand my husbands ex-wife and his kids are rude and ill mannered..Can’t wait for them to grow the hell up and not need child support..I don’t care for all the you shouldn’t have married him, blah, blah blah…Those kids arent mine and I could care less..He knows my thoughts on it and he accepts it..I don’t leave anything to chance for the future I didn’t know that you felt that way, or anything else..I say what it is that I feel..She should die an early death…just venting..
Just think of yourself in their shoes for a moment. See what they would feel about their father supporting them and/or not supporting them for that matter.
Then decide how you should feel about them.
Just keep holding on to the thought as soon as the kids turn 18 that money stops going to her crazy ass. Of course, the kids will still need support, but it will not have to go through her first!