i need help….
Posted by anonymous in Confused on Apr 27th, 2011 | 9 commentsi have been in a relationship for almost 11 years. in the begining he cheated and i had no idea. he cheated for probably close to 6 years. after that – he broke up with me and started sleeping with a new girl. who he ended up getting pregnant. we got back together when the baby was about 7 months old. and that was about 4 years ago. thing is i have always wanted him to marry me and have a baby with me. and since in the relationship with him – he has never “been ready” to get married. about 6 months ago, i told him i was miserable and didnt want to be with him anymore. he was devastated… he didnt see anything wrong in the relationship and yes – it was cause i met someone else. i had been friends with this other man for a few years and throughout that time we became close work friends. and that was it. but over time as my relationship started to get worse and worse i grew closer and closer to this other man. he does all of the little things that girls want. he gives me attention, love, affection and genuinely cares for me as a person. not that my boyfriend doesnt, but it is sparingly. the other day, my boyfriend proposed to me. i declined at the time and told him that there were things that needed work on our relationship. i just dont know what to do or who to choose. i feel like i love my boyfriend – i always will…11 years is a long time to be with someone and not love them. but with the other man, i know that i am falling in love with him. can you be in love with 2 people at once? how do you know who to choose or which path to take? i really dont care what the feedback from you all is – i just want some input!
9 Responses to “ “i need help….”
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Trust me when i tell you that people don’t change after marriage… if your b/f doesn’t give you the attention, love, affection that you need – you won’t get it the way you want after marriage either… I was with my b/f for 10 years and it was never the “right” time to get married but i stuck with it b/c i loved him – i then got pregnant and so we got married for the baby and as much as i love my husband, he does not give me the love and affection that i have always wanted for myself and i knew that deep down inside but i always fooled myself and dismissed my own feelings with the idea that he will change eventually and now that we are married and have a son, and my husband is still the same, looking back, now i see that he would never change and i have to live with that for the rest of my life.. Don’t get me wrong i LOVE my husband like no other – that being said, when i got those feelings of ” i want more” i should have maybe found someone that was more like what i wanted. You only have one life and you deserve to be treated the way you want and not settle for anything just b/c you’ve been with the person for a number of years. I always believe the saying – why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free – maybe your b/f knew you were always going to be around so therefore why ask her to marry me – she’s not going anywhere. But if you were that important to him, he would want to marry you right away b/c he wouldn’t want to loose you to someone else. Go with your heart – i feel that you already know the answer as to who you should go with.. years don’t matter b/c if your happy – you’ll have to live a lifetime in your misery and you only have one life.. Take a chance – you maybe surprised with how happy you could be and if that person isn’t what you want, then there is someone out there that will be what you want and more. Don’t settle for anything!!!!! it’s scary but in the end it will pay off!!! I hope you find the happiness you are looking for and i hope my experience helps.. good luck! You only have one life to live so live so live everyday to the fullest and settle for NOTHING less than you deserve…
Truth: You are going to die, both men are going to die, I am going to die anyone reading this post is going to die. No one has ever gotten out of this life alive so does your question even really matter? With this in mind *incoming hippie crap* nether man can make you happy, only you can make you happy. Out of the two men which do you want walking beside your path through your life if any at all. Walking a path alone makes for a light and speedy trip and you are never left wanting for intelligent conversation.
Run and never look back.
I was once in the same situation as you, but i followed this quote that my mother told me “If you were truly in love with the first, then you would have never fallen for the second.”
You fell in love – or are falling in love – with the second man because the first man fails to give you what you need. You need a man with everything – one that fully completes you. The first man is not that man. And you subconsciously knew that, or else you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.
Take that into consideration. I know that you will choose wisely. Just remember: choose the one that completes you, the one that you could never picture your life without.
Two men that love you; you are one lucky woman.
To be honest, if he cheated on you for -six- years on you, I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who cheated on me. Everybody’s different. But he cheated on you. Bad.
Took what, ten, eleven years for him to actually propose to you?
And what’s worse, he had to see you start talking to another guy. Which is really sad cause he got the other girl pregnant.
You want a family, and he kept saying he wasn’t ready.
Well hun, you are.
I say go for the guy who treats you right.
Take care. :$
My 2 cents are go with the new guy. It seems you’ve given the old one more than enough chances. Too Little too late.
Please move on from your current relationship. End it and find happiness with the new guy. Your boyfriend cheated on you and doesn’t deserve you. Besides, he won’t marry you…that says a lot right there. He’s a selfish person who only thinks about his needs. Move on girl.
If i were in your shoes, and i have been in a similar situation before…i would just hang in there until you know for sure. Something will happen and you will just ‘know’.
give possibility a chance, first one has no possibility but second one has a chance.