RSSI feel like a caged bird
I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, I really do, but sometimes it feels like he is a little too controlling. He’s never actually forced me to do or not do anything, but he’s so judgmental about other people, he whines a lot, he has really high standards, and when he talks to me he uses language like “you can’t” or “you won’t”, and even though those are just words and he would never really force me to do or not do anything, those words bother me because of the implication that he is dominant. Maybe I’m just rebellious and picky with words, but it really bothers me that I can’t do anything without worrying about what he will think about it.
Because I know him better than anyone else, I know he doesn’t have a malicious intent when he does these things. He has stated that he’s trying really hard to not be so picky and annoying about everything, and I know that he really just wants to protect us, because he hates the world and believes that everyone is out to screw everyone else, but sometimes I really wish he would give the rest of the world a chance and allow me to be an adult and make my own mistakes every once in a while.
I want to be able to be on my own every once in a while and not have to worry what he thinks. I want to be able to be reckless and stupid every once in a while without him getting angry about it. I want to be my own person.
Anon on June 5th 2008 in Confused
Anon said on 05 Jun 2008 at 4:44 am # Quote
He’s verbally abusive. Just so you know.
missL said on 05 Jun 2008 at 6:30 am # Quote
From personal experience, sometimes, even if you love someone, it doesn’t make them the right someone. Many things can be right and just the few things wrong can break it (it can be the other way as well, many things wrong and just the few things right are what make it). It sounds like the things that are making you unhappy are that you feel your personal freedom and will are being stifled, and your optimism towards life subliminally belittled. You’re right, control is the right word. Even if you really know he doesn’t have malicious intent, and its a subconscious behavior…well whatever, thats him. You’re you. In the union of your relationship don’t be too quick to turn a blind eye to your personal separatenesses too. You both are approaching life with your own outlooks, and while it’s fair to compromise and support your differences, it’s not fair to make someone else into all your own ways. Primarily i think that is a function of fear—fear of change, or change beyond one’s (his) control. So he doesn’t want to lose you, and he doesn’t want you to change too much beyond his personal conception of you (why he might discourage you with won’ts and can’ts–do you ever go on to do those things? or do you chicken out most of the time since it’s already been made a little deal of and it feels stupid sometimes to go and do something just to prove that you can or will, when the fun was in just imagining and proposing the idea, and you shouldn’t have to feel like you’d have to make a point of it anyway since, basically, as a free human, you caaan do what you want..he loves yyou, so why couldn’t he deal with little new things you do?!) it’s integral to life for one to change and adapt, and it’s damn near unavoidable too, in one way or another it will happen! change is the only constant here. don’t let your true self be too inhibited by another’s presence in your life. you have the right to make your own decisions everyday, the easy ones and the hard ones. i’m not saying be a self-will tyrant, one should always find a harmonious balance with others, but you can stand up for your own presence in the world as well, and sometimes its necessary. Even if you love each other and still have good life in your relationship, issues of control over time have a wearying effect, and either you will bend or you will break. Transitions out of each others lives is hard, but personal growth should not be discouraged, nor should fun, or our own unique expressions of joy for life. When you know, you know. If it’s good, or if it’s bad…the hard part is finding your courage and facing the consequences and changes that leaving each others’ lives entails..after that, once the weight is off your shoulders, if it is, you’ll feel like you made a strong decision for yourself for the better, and that is always personally encouraging. You don’t have to regret the relationship, you can still appreciate it and your feelings for it and the time you had together. But sometimes, you can’t help that its not the right relationship, anymore. Besides..it sucks to go through life with someone harping at you, criticizing your boldness and optimism, because it’s just a means of disguising their own insecurities and keeping you wrapped up with them in what they know is safe and allowable (to them)for experiencing. Be your own judge!
Eleni said on 07 Jun 2008 at 2:02 pm # Quote
Run. Run hard, run fast, don’t even look back. Just run from this person. He is not the one.