I am in love with my neice (my cousin’s daughter)

Hi all,
this is one thing that i would never be able to talk to any one about…
I have a neice who is 15 yrs younger to me. she is my maternal cousin’s(brother’s) daughter. After her mother’s death she came to live with us (my mother and my cousin’s mother were sisters)she was a small kid of 6. My mother took care of her. Now she is 17 and i am 32
I left home to go to another city for a job and used to come home every christmas and easter. Last year in the month of July my mother fell sick and i had to come down to see her. I had never thought this would happen but as usual i was talking to my neice and suddenly had this strange feeling and I held my neice’s hand and said that if i wanted to marry her what would be her reply. she didn’t say anything and just sat there. later that day i was sleeping and she came up to me and hugged me and said that she too had the same feeling towards me… my heart skipped a beat and i too hugged her.
we used to hug each other in the begining later it grew to fondling and kissing and then it led to us making love.
somehow my family started suspecting us and sent her off to her uncles house. she is staying there for the past 8 months.
both of us are in love with each other and want to get married. i am not sure whether this is possible as we being indians we have a much orthodox approach to these kind of relationships.
We both truely love and miss each other and want to be together always.

My cofusion is whether whatever our feelings are towards each other, is it right.
Please help us…

31 thoughts on “I am in love with my neice (my cousin’s daughter)

  1. Humans are crazy, its okay for one to be in a same sex relationship, yet its wrong to be in a relationship with a niece? Come on!

  2. I’m not exactly sure what the relationship is but if she is your cousin’s daughter, then she would be your “first cousin once removed”. Take a look at this kinship chart:
    Genetically, you are less related than first cousins but more related than second cousins. In many parts of the world it is legal for you and your “first cousin once removed” to marry. I would highly recommend getting genetic counseling to see what the chances of having a baby with birth defects are. As long as you make responsible decisions, you try your best to have a healthy baby if you do intend to have one together, and your partner completely is mature enough to understand all of this (though I think you should wait until she is older), then I think your relationship is beautiful.
    As for how to deal with parents/family, you should prepare a backup plan beforehand (arrange a secret meeting place on a certain day of the month, exchange secret cell-phone numbers, etc.) just in case you talking to them causes them to try to keep you apart further. Only involve other relatives that you trust will support you, which may be helpful as 4 parents vs 2 lovers is a difficult situation. If your parents are willing to listen to reason and you have good standing with them and you can show them how responsible you are, you may have a chance of convincing them through a well-prepared argument using facts, reason, and working out an arrangement they can agree with. If your parents are strictly abiding by beliefs without further reason, you may have a much harder time and there is a chance that pursuing such a relationship can cause bad things to happen, even life-threatening situations. If they are concerned by how it will appear to the rest of their family or friends, then you may need to rely family and friends that you trust to support you in convincing them that it’s not an embarrassing or shameful thing.
    You can check this site for some facts:
    Many people don’t understand that chances of birth defects generally aren’t as high as they have been socially conditioned by popular belief to be. The biggest concerns are if your family has had incestuous marriage within several generations of you and your partner’s lineages, especially repeated incestuous marriages like nobility in some countries were doing which led to severe birth defects that caused this social stigma, or if your partner is your child, parent, sibling, half-sibling, or double-cousin (which is different from second cousin). Otherwise, it’s really not as bad as people will ignorantly believe. If you believe this is not the way to go, then don’t be afraid to let it go, but if you do believe it is, then there may be a way. I wish you happiness.

  3. Hey, I have been with my partner for 15 years and we 2 children together! I am going through a situation where he has cheated on me with his 2nd cousin, it’s his Dad’s Sister’s Grandaughter!!! And it is a desperate attempt to build his ego!! oh don’t get me wrong he crushed me completely but his family and I are sickened by their attempt at sexual intimacy and now she wants to be with him and he is now trying to save what we had!! I am learning i am better than both of them, and they need help MENTALLY!!! My daughters are 14 and 11 and both know as the other girl decided to text my daughter and tell her she was her fathers lover and then ask me for money if i wanted her to leave me and my daughters alone!!!! IT IS INCEST!

  4. Hi there,
    Those of you who called the person an idiot for referring to his cousin’s daughter as his niece, well it’s an asian thing, in asia we give our cousins respect by calling them sister or brother so their offsprings are called nieces or nephews, though in the western world this is a 2nd cousin.

    I think it’s ok to love your 2nd cousin/ cousins kid, as they are are a distant relative and the chances of your offsprings being affected in a negative way is pretty slim as much as the chances of anyone else getting sick children.

    If she were your first cousin it would be worrying, as theres a high risk of threat to your offspring.

    I did a lot of research in this topic in relation to the genes etc and to marry your 2nd cousin is alright as it will not harm future generations and is NOT taboo. I am in love with my uncle/ 2nd cousin ( moms cousin), whatever you may call it. But in my case he is only my mom’s half cousin, as they share the same grandfather but different grandmother.

    Our families approve of our lliaison, it did come as a surprise to everyone when they found out and we both also didnt even know we were related when we fell in love. It was only when I introduced him to my grandma that she said thats her half brothers son and he called my grandma aunt :P…
    and she showed us lots of pictures of the 2 of us as kids, a memory we have no recollection of but it’s good to have them.

    I didn’t go planning to fall in love with my 2nd ( half)cousin/ moms half uncles son – it just happened.

    Perhaps if he did not end up related to me i would also be against such a lliaison, so after i found out i went researching and found a positive outcome.

    True in my case we are only half 2nd cousins, but even full 2nd cousins can get married and have a normal life with healthy kids.

    But the worry here is that the girl is only 17, but since you guys have already slept together you may need to get married as in our asian/indian culture it’s taboo if the bride is not a virgin and her future husband may leave her/ abuse her etc if found out on her wedding night…. Hope it all works out.

  5. People are cruel, don’t listen to them.
    She is 17 and still has some years to grow up. You should ask her if she feels guilt about this relationship.
    Also, in South India relationships between relatives is common while it is a taboo in North India. I grew up in US and fell in love with my father’s cousin in South India. I decided not to marry because its not socially acceptable in US.

  6. shame on these perverts. if your inner person is pure you will not be lured into these horrific evil thoughts.evil thoughts are like cyanide which weakens your body,eats your thoughts….be good,meditate…be spiritual & then see the POWER of God.It’ll awaken you.

    1. Man nobady chooses to fall in love with cousins.Love is strange.Its (in my opinion)an emosion and choice.I will give u an example if it was only an emosion.I would be in a horriable position cos I tell u I have done crazy things that got my mom angry and if it was a pure emosion,my mom would have hated me a long time.You know what, everytime I hurt her,she chose to forgive and love me.I suppose my point is we can not control our emosions but we can make the best choice for ourselves.This is where we need prayer and pray plenty.Our heart’s can decieve us and the consequences can be devistating.Pray and pray.Seek god its the only way.Who knows but god only what’s right.To one what we do is right to the other its wrong and before u know it we are worst off than before.Ask god’s advice he is the standard and seek him with all your heart and if u do.U will find him.

  7. I am in a similar situation with my first cousin once removed. She is 18 and im 28. She is staying with us atm. One time when she was drunk she told me she likes me(she doesn;t know i know). I thought it was wrong because i treat her as my younger sister.. Shes still young and may have misinterpreted me treating her nice. But recently i realised i might have feelings for her too.. Im trying to avoid her cos i know its not right. I even encouraged her to see other guys. But it kinda hurts to see her with others.. Any suggestions?

  8. Hey, even I have similar feelings for my second cousin – she is eleven years younger than me and a divorcee now with one kid…we have never slept together or even smooched. Just exchanged IMs – but now she says her feelings for me has changed and now longer wants to have a relationship. Is this normal, or is it because she is into another relationship ?

  9. Well I am in love with my second cousin she is only 3 years younger than me she has a twin sister but they don’t. look alike her sister told me that she likes me that was when I left to Kansas she lives in California I really think she does like me. And I do too so now I have to wait until next year to see her again when I go back to California I cry almost everyday for her

  10. Society will see 2 taboos in your relationship: the age gap,
    and incest controversy
    Brother you can certainly go ahead and marry her as she is your first cousin once removed. Sex with first cousin is not considered incest as far as law of the land is concerned….As for culture and religion, that’s another thing.
    If you two deeply understand and love each other then age shouldn’t be an issue either. Your close relationship will bring many advantages to your married life. She will continue to feel secure and safe with the same people who supported her since her mum died. I’m sure she is very close to your mum. Ofcourse 17 is a young age and I am not happy that you two have made love out of wedlock. You are mature and should have been able to watch your steps.
    I say speak to your family open heartedly soon and get married, end of problem!

  11. find someone your own age, dude.. this is a little girl you’re talking about.. besides she’s related to you… ewww so wrong!

  12. you will jump forwards or backwards until you make the socially acceptable decision. life is hard enough? what is God’s plan for you? your niece… or a living ‘goddess’ that has zero worries to go with it. grace and blessings my dear friend. we live in a designed world so practice expressing platonic love with your whomevers and meditate upon the most beautiful and lovely woman [other than the subject matter] that you’ve seen. i’m sure you do not need my advice, i came upon your question by googling for something else. i am over my own similar confusion thanks to the unseen grace of god almighty. you will get more than you think you’re deserving of. u r not the only one, a sincere heart can fall easily in love, but you are way off from your god provided target. be slowly more aware, god is rich in love and beauty. do not talk about this as you will find either perverts or hypocrites. hard work only pays off.

  13. That is sooooooo nasty…and plus she isnt your niece dummy she your 2nd cousin…and your way older then her and if yall were to have kids they would probably come out wrong think bout that?!?!?

  14. well one thin i advise u is that make sure u don’t this continue for long time. her studies wil get affected n her carrer. if u love each other fine u can be physical. it’s absuletely fine in 21st century (with precaution. but about marriage hmmmm she is too small for u age gap more than 10 yesars scentificaly not correct. n children also …….
    so take this into consideration. have fun ma

  15. Are you sure it’s love?
    If it is… um.. well maybe it will work out.
    But it is wrong.. And I hope you two work your way around it.

  16. Have you ever heard of adoption? The kid thing can be worked around. So that’s not really his question. I believe if you’re in love & both of you can handle the drama from your families then go for it. Families are full of dissapointment so don’t worry about anymore else just go where your heart is.

  17. From what I understood, she’s only your second cousin, not neice. She would be permissible for you to marry if her guardian agreed in Islam. To get her guardian to agree, make yourself have something to offer. Maybe some of your wealth, your good character, and name, etc. Then approach her guardian in a serious manner making it evident that you mean marriage. If he rejects you, after you’ve made your case, then give your heart some time to mend. Stay away from the girl, and find some other enjoyable activity you like. Oh and fast, it will teach you self discipline (advice from Muhammad (peace be upon him). Time will mend your heart, and you will soon find another girl that may offer you more. I’m a big believer in things happen for a reason.

  18. i agree with chris since you both are from the same family and have kids chance’s are is that it will be deform!! science my friend!! =D

  19. if u r indian u should know it will never happen
    u should forget about her even though if u love her.
    Plus her feelings are going to change as she gets older

  20. I would suggest waiting til she is 21. And then if you both feel the same way, go from there. If she is your cousin’s child, doesn’t that make her your 2nd cousin and not your niece? Well anyway, I say 21 because she is so young. I’m sure she wants to be with you “forever” right now, but she’s too young to grasp what that really means and all of the possible consequences. Good luck to you!

  21. Man this is wrong. IF she gets pregnant the kids will be at high risk for deformites and mental problems. Please, any child born with disabilites due to incest doesn’t deserve the hardships that individual has to go through. Its not fair, you got to be born healthy why do this to your offspring??? Pick someone who is not related to you to have the best possible chance of having healthy babies. Theres a reason why incest is bad. Think about it. No human should have to suffer because your dick gets hard for a relative. Stop being so damn selfish.

  22. I’m all for “love conquers all”, but there are things you need to think about. You might be old enough to understand all the consequences, but she (only being 17) is NOT old enough. No matter how mature she and you might think her to be. She is still a child and if you DO decide to do this, then she needs to be positive because this can ruin lives.

  23. Soo Tony is an angery ass! LOL!

    You really love her and it shows that your trying to do right by her.
    My advice: Wait until she is 18 and if she still feels the same then move in together and invite your closest friends and relatives. The ones that care will show up.
    I have a sibling who is in the same problem, they still wait for when things are right……
    It’s been 10 years!
    JUST GO FOR IT! If you wait things can get ugly..

  24. i am no indian, but i do believe what the two of you are doing is entirely wrong! it’s an incest! what if she is pregnant? how will the both of you live?

  25. Hey..
    Im indian too, and i know how the family would react to you telling them how you feel towards your neice… i am not sure how to reply but if you and her honestly love eachother you two should try to work it out in a way that wont alarm your families.

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