Secret Confessions

Okay. I have a few things I want to say…

First: I feel like I’ve lost one of the few people who really cared about me. I became REALLY close friends with him last summer, and then we started dating… And then I cheated on him, and then broke up with him shortly after.. And then we got into a huge fight that lasted about 24 hours, but where I said some extremely hurtful things to him.. and then I suddenly decided I would really miss him if I didn’t ever talk to him again, so we both decided to stop arguing. Now we aren’t very close. We don’t talk a lot and I want my friend back. I’m trying to become closer to him again but I don’t know how it will work. I was really mean to him..

Second: I’m struggling with my own feelings of attraction. I don’t know who or what I’m attracted to. I’m not going to lie, lately(and for at least two years now) I’ve become increasingly attracted to girls. That’s not my problem; if that’s who I am, that’s who I am. (except the guy mentioned above. I don’t know what that was about) It’s just that everyone I am attracted emotionally or physically is a girl, and they’re straight or not interested. For example, one of my good friends is obsessed with this guy she met very recently and made out with after knowing him for a very short time.. but anyway, I reallly like her a lot, but she’s completely oblivious, as she thinks I like someone else completely.

also, concerning friends. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere within my group of friends. I’m not even content with the best friend that I have