Comments on: False pretenses http://www.secret-confessions.com/confused/false-pretenses Confess your deepest, darkest secret Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:05:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Anon http://www.secret-confessions.com/confused/false-pretenses/comment-page-1#comment-1742 Anon Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:08:35 +0000 http://www.secret-confessions.com/?p=620#comment-1742 Wow, it's like listening to my own diary from a year ago. I feel for you, I really do 'cuz it's a horrible way to feel. The person who wrote before is right, do what's right for you and if that means leaving him (which I think it does), then so be it. You'll be fine, you really will. I hope your scenario is different from mine (!!!) but in mine, he just never wanted to get married. He truly loves/loved me and wanted to be with me, but the thought of getting married was as foreign to him as *not* getting married or having a family is to me. So he was selfish and told me what I wanted to hear and did what was best for him no matter what the consequence was for me. He was happy and I was miserable but still with him and holding out hope. I don't know you but I wish better for you than what I had. This is no way to live a life. Sometimes you need to walk away to make a statement, but don't walk away only to see if he comes after you. He probably won't. You need to walk away as a show of love for yourself and as a committment to yourself that you won't settle for anything less than what you want or need. You have to love yourself more than you love him; he's not loving anyone but himself right now and hasn't been for 5 years -- if he had been, you wouldn't be the only one compromising and he wouldn't keep pretending he doesn't know just how unhappy you are because there's no way he *doesn't* know. He just chooses not to care. Anticipation is the closest thing to both heaven and hell, depending on the situation, and right now you're in hell. Be strong, though...you're tougher than you think and you deserve better. Trust me, it's not as bad as you're imagining. And the five years you've spent are NOT a waste...it's time you've spent learning what YOU want and don't want. I bet you'll be surprised like I was just how easy it was to move on. You've been mourning your relationship for almost the entire duration. The feeling of freedom when you're done with this is exhilirating. Good luck to you. Wow, it’s like listening to my own diary from a year ago. I feel for you, I really do ‘cuz it’s a horrible way to feel. The person who wrote before is right, do what’s right for you and if that means leaving him (which I think it does), then so be it. You’ll be fine, you really will.

I hope your scenario is different from mine (!!!) but in mine, he just never wanted to get married. He truly loves/loved me and wanted to be with me, but the thought of getting married was as foreign to him as *not* getting married or having a family is to me. So he was selfish and told me what I wanted to hear and did what was best for him no matter what the consequence was for me. He was happy and I was miserable but still with him and holding out hope. I don’t know you but I wish better for you than what I had. This is no way to live a life.

Sometimes you need to walk away to make a statement, but don’t walk away only to see if he comes after you. He probably won’t. You need to walk away as a show of love for yourself and as a committment to yourself that you won’t settle for anything less than what you want or need. You have to love yourself more than you love him; he’s not loving anyone but himself right now and hasn’t been for 5 years — if he had been, you wouldn’t be the only one compromising and he wouldn’t keep pretending he doesn’t know just how unhappy you are because there’s no way he *doesn’t* know. He just chooses not to care.

Anticipation is the closest thing to both heaven and hell, depending on the situation, and right now you’re in hell. Be strong, though…you’re tougher than you think and you deserve better. Trust me, it’s not as bad as you’re imagining. And the five years you’ve spent are NOT a waste…it’s time you’ve spent learning what YOU want and don’t want. I bet you’ll be surprised like I was just how easy it was to move on. You’ve been mourning your relationship for almost the entire duration. The feeling of freedom when you’re done with this is exhilirating. Good luck to you.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.secret-confessions.com/confused/false-pretenses/comment-page-1#comment-1688 Anonymous Fri, 23 May 2008 22:36:35 +0000 http://www.secret-confessions.com/?p=620#comment-1688 its been 5 years. You cant be open and honest with your partner and tell him how you feel. Right there you should know your answer. Listen - either sit down and talk with him, heart to heart conversation tell him what you want out of life and if he cant handle it, or doesnt want the same things, then leave. You've obviously thought about it. I know 5 years seems like a waste - but what if it turns into 1o? do what is right for you, not what is right for him. Just talk to him. its been 5 years. You cant be open and honest with your partner and tell him how you feel. Right there you should know your answer. Listen - either sit down and talk with him, heart to heart conversation tell him what you want out of life and if he cant handle it, or doesnt want the same things, then leave. You’ve obviously thought about it. I know 5 years seems like a waste - but what if it turns into 1o? do what is right for you, not what is right for him.

Just talk to him.

]]> By: Someone! http://www.secret-confessions.com/confused/false-pretenses/comment-page-1#comment-1633 Someone! Mon, 19 May 2008 19:36:22 +0000 http://www.secret-confessions.com/?p=620#comment-1633 it's been 5 years.... all he wanted is your body! leave him ASAP! he is one lame man to have around! it’s been 5 years…. all he wanted is your body! leave him ASAP! he is one lame man to have around!

]]>