RSSFalse pretenses
I know you love me or so you say. You are here with me always having sex but yet you never proposed and make excuses not to get married. Why are you always putting me off and why can you tell me the truth. If you don’t want to commit to me and get married then just say so and I can deal with that. But you saying yes we will get married and never doing it is killing me.
I don’t believe you anymore. Can’t you see how much you are hurting me? You always get what you want and make ‘us’ decisions on your own so why can’t I get what I want. I am tired of your excuses and you pushing plans to get married further and further away. It’s killing me and pushing me away from you.
If 5 years isn’t enough to make up your mind then leave me alone. I don’t even tell you about my feelings, problems and everything else that’s happening in my life. I can’t even talk to you about us anymore because you get quite and vex. Why? Shouldn’t we be able to talk about everything? If you really love me as you say you do then why can’t you give me the peace of mind and commit to me or be honest to me. Why don’t you want me like that? Am I not good enough for you and your high and mighty family?
I feel like going out and doing stuff with other men just to make me feel better that you can’t commit to me and love me as I need you to. If I do it I hope you can take it and feel good to know what you have pushed me to do. I love you so much and you hurt me so badly every day I cry about it and I can’t even talk about it with you.
Hurting on May 20th 2008 in Confused
Someone! said on 20 May 2008 at 5:36 am # Quote
it’s been 5 years…. all he wanted is your body! leave him ASAP! he is one lame man to have around!
Anonymous said on 24 May 2008 at 8:36 am # Quote
its been 5 years. You cant be open and honest with your partner and tell him how you feel. Right there you should know your answer. Listen - either sit down and talk with him, heart to heart conversation tell him what you want out of life and if he cant handle it, or doesnt want the same things, then leave. You’ve obviously thought about it. I know 5 years seems like a waste - but what if it turns into 1o? do what is right for you, not what is right for him.
Just talk to him.
Anon said on 03 Jun 2008 at 8:08 am # Quote
Wow, it’s like listening to my own diary from a year ago. I feel for you, I really do ‘cuz it’s a horrible way to feel. The person who wrote before is right, do what’s right for you and if that means leaving him (which I think it does), then so be it. You’ll be fine, you really will.
I hope your scenario is different from mine (!!!) but in mine, he just never wanted to get married. He truly loves/loved me and wanted to be with me, but the thought of getting married was as foreign to him as *not* getting married or having a family is to me. So he was selfish and told me what I wanted to hear and did what was best for him no matter what the consequence was for me. He was happy and I was miserable but still with him and holding out hope. I don’t know you but I wish better for you than what I had. This is no way to live a life.
Sometimes you need to walk away to make a statement, but don’t walk away only to see if he comes after you. He probably won’t. You need to walk away as a show of love for yourself and as a committment to yourself that you won’t settle for anything less than what you want or need. You have to love yourself more than you love him; he’s not loving anyone but himself right now and hasn’t been for 5 years — if he had been, you wouldn’t be the only one compromising and he wouldn’t keep pretending he doesn’t know just how unhappy you are because there’s no way he *doesn’t* know. He just chooses not to care.
Anticipation is the closest thing to both heaven and hell, depending on the situation, and right now you’re in hell. Be strong, though…you’re tougher than you think and you deserve better. Trust me, it’s not as bad as you’re imagining. And the five years you’ve spent are NOT a waste…it’s time you’ve spent learning what YOU want and don’t want. I bet you’ll be surprised like I was just how easy it was to move on. You’ve been mourning your relationship for almost the entire duration. The feeling of freedom when you’re done with this is exhilirating. Good luck to you.