Alone. Used. Ruined.
Posted by Anonymous in Confused on May 8th, 2011 | 23 commentsI am a nearly 34 y/o professional in the healthcare field. Never married, no children. I have a history of difficult relationships with men that continue to see other women on the side, or have had undisclosed girlfriends. This time, after dating an educated, intelligent, single man for the past 4 monthes, he has not only shared a permanent gift of hsv2 with me, but today I happened to stumble across emails and pictures sent to other women looking to meet up with them. I don’t understand it!!! Why do I only attract men with these behavoirs? And why am I so damn trusting? Now I am ruined for anyone else. Who will want me? My long time dream of being a wife and mother have gone from fading to unrealistic in a very short time. I’m absolutly heartbroken.
23 Responses to “ “Alone. Used. Ruined.”
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Pray To Jesus and God to find your husband. Jesus does amazing things :)
Truth: Yeah he stopped her from getting herpes, oh wait no that would have been condom.
Wow…you sound like you’re angry making a comment like that.
Truth: Yes, Jesus could have PREVENTED contracting herpes if she knew Him and followed Him. Jesus never leads anyone to diseases…he always healed them.
Another Truth: Condom’s aren’t 100% safe protection from STD’s.
The Truth: Jesus Christ. Then again, you must decide that for yourself like everyone who hears this good news.
Truth: No a condom may not be 100% maybe 99.9% but it still works better than duct taping a bible to your ******.
Condoms are not 100% safe protection against STD’s. Truth is Jesus Christ. But, you are entitled to your opinion.
Really I have been praying for 10 years for a husband and you know what I have NOTHING. Just because you pray for it doesn’t mean you will get it!
It’s this kind of blind belief in the supernatural that’s causing polio to make a come back (this, btw, is not an attack. It’s “the Truth”. Not like Jesus is “the Truth”, but the actual Truth. With supporting, hard evidence.)
People like Barb and Brian are the very definition of evil. Implied in their posts: That the person who got herpes asked for it by not being a better person, or by not believing in Jesus hard enough. And that her problems could be solved by believing in Jesus. It’s basically *her own fault*, for not believing in Jesus… Nothing at all about the guy that did this to her or an ounce of compassion for what she’s going through. Nothing, in my mind, could be more immoral, reprehensible, or wicked. The original poster is not being punished by God or anything else. She got a disease from a dirt bag, whom she loved and trusted.
Why God would choose to punish her with this disease defies all sanity – you’re both delusional, judgmental hypocrites blinded by your own superstition and dismissing the world around you in spite of itself. May you both catch a disease at least as bad as hers so you can spend the rest of your lives wondering why God has chosen to punish you.
Just sickening.
sometimes you don’t get the dream. so what do you do then? reorganize and make a new dream. you can still apply for adoption or fostering children. in regards to a significant other, don’t give up hope that you will find someone! just stop looking. as soon as you stop searching for it, it will find you. and if someone outside of your normal dating pool asks you on a date, go for it! don’t limit yourself to a certain type of person. i’m not saying that you are looking for the liars a cheaters; who does? but if somebody comes along who has a different personality type then you normal associate with, it can’t hurt to give it a shot.
have confidence and be happy. it’s what people are the most attracted to. i wish you the very best and good luck
you sabatoge your own happiness because inside you must feel you do not deserve a really good relationship. get into therapy to learn WHY this is so. it most likely has to do with your childhood.all of us have only 2 choices – we must either heal our childhood pain or inflict it on others and ourselves.
My gut instinct tells me that you don’t have good personal boundaries and you’re probably sleeping with these men too quickly. If you learn how to value yourself, I think you’ll find a quality relationship but it will take some time. I think therapy would help you too
You need to work on yourself. Stop dating, go to church, join a gym, and be happy with where you are in your life. If you aren’t change something but no man can save you, only you can save yourself!!
I am 22 and can relate on some level. I have been cheated on three times during three serious relationships. The last one was so heartbreaking that inflicted self harm. Its been over a year since I have dated.
I thought I was ruined for future relationships but I realized I just needed time to clear my head and recoup.
If you want my advice here it is: go out and try to enjoy life. Meet people for the sake of meeting people- not for a future relationship. I have done this with great success and I am almost back to 100% emotionally.
Being a student nurse I know how dedicated one has to be to succeed in healthcare. I dont know you in person but judging by your profession you are someone who deserve a much greater individual than that jackass. He doesn’t deserve you and you deserve someone greater than him. You are his loss.
Being a guy I had a great distrust in women for a time but that has come to fade. There are good people out there- they just take time and patience to find.
I don’t know. Where are you meeting these guys? Maybe you need to find men somewhere else, because there are a lot of good ones out there. Plus, after only four months of dating this guy, you already thought you wanted to marry him? Maybe if you slowed down a bit things would go better.
And while I understand the dream of being a wife and mother, being a wife and a mother aren’t the holy grail of happiness. Life doesn’t always work out the way we want, but it doesn’t mean you have to feel unloved or ruined. There is so much good in life, embrace what you do have.
I have HPV that causes genital warts. I was with a man that did not accept me, and who knows he may have given it to me. I am with a man now who not only accepts me but told me he loves me through it and is concerned when I am in pain over them. You are not ruined. Maybe be more dicrimnating with the men you sleep with and by all means protect yourself until you see papers! no **** is worth HIV girl, as a health care pro you know that.
You are not ruined, HPV doesn’t automatically mean you can’t have kids, over 80% of women age 30+ have been exposed to HPV, there’s about 60-90 strands, some may cause cancer, some warts, Also Herpes do not prevent you from having kids, you will just end up having a c-section. I don’t have either of these but am well educated because my mom died of cervical cancer…educate yourself, remember that nothing protects you, not even a condom from getting HPV or herpes just because of the nature of the virus and make sure you are confident enough to ask for papers before you do anything…tricky thing with HPV for instance is that they don’t have tests for men but you can pay and get the vaccine against the cancer causing ones.
Many people have many viruses, some choose to share that info, some don’t even know they got any issues, men tend to know little about sexual transmited deseases in general so don’t reply on others to protect you, YOU protect yourself but do not reject yourself or blame yourself….acknowledge mistakes, next time be more careful and take time to learn to trust someone based on their actions not words and you will be ok….
good luck!
First of all, I admire you. Yes, admire.
You are just like my friend, honest to your feelings.
Having a man isn’t everything.
Sometimes what we want won’t come around the corner or under a christmas tree.
As much as religion goes, if you’re religious & have a particular religion, focus on that.
But mostly, I think a vacation will do best.
Just forget the past, and start a new life. Change everything. Throw away anything that will remind you of bad memories. Love yourself & STOP looking. There are no rules & predictions of love at certain locations! Just throw out that book, and start loving yourself every single day because that is what you need, you are beautiful. =)
Great comments and advice. The greatest ruin in life is far more than what is temporary. Our lives here are tempory…we are here today and gone tomorrow. What then? The real ruin is hearing the message of the gospel, which does transform lives, teaches us the unparalled love of God for broken people, and often that sadly takes experiencing pain in our lives. When we have no one to turn too who truly cares…we tend towards God, which is fitting because God is worthy of our attention, our loyalty and love. May I encourage you to follow this good advice given by others here, such as taking care of yourself, get to the root problem, which is a wound in your soul (all of us have wounds…if your’re human you’ve been wounded), and realize we can talk about our hurts until the cows come home, but there is no real healing outside of the cross. Yeah, there’s gonna be the doubters, haters, unbelievers, liberals, atheists, agnostics, blah blah blah, etc, but you have the ability to listen, hear, and make your own judgement. God tells us we perish for a lack of knowledge. There is a way that “seems right” but it ends in destruction. Get into the Bible and start reading it YOURSELF and talk to this invisible God whom many trust and believe, while other’s dont simply cause He is not tangible (their excuse)and see for yourself! Don’t take my word for it. God put rules and laws in place as boundaries for our protection. When we go our own way, we get hurt. Those boundaries are for our protection. So when we get hurt why do we blame God? When we break His laws that He established what do we think will happen? Gravity keeps us grounded…so if we jump off a 50 foot building…hello?
God is invisible and not tangible because He is a spirit. When we die…we will all find out. My advice to you is to do some of the things suggested here in terms of taking care of yourself but to get alone with God and start reading the scriptures. The argument may be: “the bible was written by men.” Well, so are the other history books, including texts written by professors, scientists, historians, yet we believe them but not the authors who experienced God on a personal level inspired by the Holy Spirit? We believe the newscaster, the newspapers, the history books….hmmm. The fact is, there is a God and He has made Himself known. He is only a sincere, heartfelt, trusting, prayer away made possible through Jesus Christ who loved you so much He died a painful death for you and the entire world. I will tell you this much, I wouldnt do that for the world cause the world if full of evil people who will stab you in the back, lie on you, cheat you, even murder you if they could. Yeah, there are good people too, but even those good people aren’t gonna love you like God does. Gods standards are higher than mankinds. We are called to be like Him in this world. Ok…for all the haters who will comment on this negatively….this girl can think for herself. I pray you do read the scriptures and get to know God, go to a great church, get involved, and find out for yourself.
that is a crazy assumption. not everyone takes history and even current news as fact. the bible is not exempt. the search for god is a personal one, right? ‘god’ can be found in places far from the reaches of a bible. if there was one true god, which there is not.. there cannot be, his perfect opinion would not advocate the following of a book written and inspired by man.
ps. i feel like an idiot writing this using a computer made in a sweat factory in china..
god(or insert other name here) is the product of some serious searching that brings realization of something bigger and more important. it is not something shared in a church service a family or a book.
re: “Truth: Yes, Jesus could have PREVENTED contracting herpes if she knew Him and followed Him. Jesus never leads anyone to diseases…he always healed them.”
Barb, you are a ******* idiot. Jesus can be whatever you THINK He is but there are STILL MANY STD’s around on this planet and He didn’t stop them from happening to all kinds of people….INCLUDING CHRISTIANS. So why don’t ignorant, preaching, full of shit hypocrites like you shut the **** UP and stop rubbing salt in the wounds of others when you try to make a sale for Christianity membership.
Damn, some people will make up ALL KINDS OF BULLSHIT to preach about their ******* religion.
Actually True Christians are not subjected to STD’s because a TRUE christian follows bible principles such as not to commit fornication(sex before marriage) or adultery (sex with someone other than your mate) so does jesus protect us from harmful consequences? if we follow bible principles found at acts 15:29 the scripture says if we abstain from fornication we will fare well. If every one practiced these principles there would be no std’s
nancy and c got it right..i think
Don’t blame yourself. There are lots of duds out there and you happened to meet one. Your life isn’t over at all and you can still have a child if you wish. Consult your doctor and think about getting therapy to deal with trust issues. Your apparent innocence is really a beautiful thing. I’m sorry though that you trusted the wrong fellow. Life goes on. Do something nice for yourself everyday and keep telling yourself that you are a good person. Take care now.
Your not damaged, there is someone out there for you. I believe that your have barriers that are preventing the right guy to find you. Get rid of all those toxic men in your life. Find yourself, and love yourself. You are less likely to put up with the wrong man when you love yourself and know your worth. 34 is young in these days. Live a good life and you will attract good people. Best of luck and love to you honey, stay strong