I don’t know my sexuality

I’m 14 and I have never had a boyfriend , my ideal relationship would be with a boy because I am more attracted around them but I am also attracted to girls and I am less nervous and more comfortable around them. I have always wanted to kiss a girl and I have always wanted to kiss a boy and I’m confused . I wouldn’t mind having a girlfriend but then boys would judge me . I never hang out with boys because I’m not that social and I don’t know what to do. help !

16 thoughts on “I don’t know my sexuality

  1. You might very well be bi. Time will tell. Your sexual identity will come to show itself in the next 10 years. You might be a lesbian. Never cover that up, people are not stupid and know what you are. If you are a homosexual, it will be very obvious, don’t underestimate people. They might try to spare your feelings, but do know, so just be gay and if they don’t like it, move to a gay area and make new friends.

  2. Dear Teen,
    Have you considered discussing this with your parents? There are many people who are bi-sexual and you may be one of these persons. It is perfectly normal to be drawn to either or both sexes. The trick for you may be to figure out how you want to express your sexuality. Try to get into counseling so that you can better figure it out. You’re going to be fine! Take care now.

  3. hang in there, you’ve got years to figure it out. You don’t have to have a sexuality to date someone. If you want to date someone, date them! If someone asks what your sexuality is say you don’t know yet. If they don’t like it, it’s their problem don’t worry about them. You should never have to worry about putting labels on yourself

  4. I am happy to see all the positive and supportive responses here. I too would just like to reiterate that there is nothing wrong if you are attracted to both boys and girls. And please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you ever need more information or someone to talk to there are plenty of resources. This one may help
    https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual-Teens-Facts-for-Teens-and-Their-Parents.aspx

    Positive thoughts going your way!

  5. It’s OK.

    Regardless of what anyone may say- your parents, relatives, teachers, elders, friends, enemies, councillors- it’s OK. It’s OK if you’re bi, it’s OK if you’re straight, it’s OK if you’re gay, it’s OK if you’re ace.

    I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that everything is going to be alright, because it might not be. I can’t guarantee that anyone will sympathize with you and listen to you, because I don’t know if they can or will. And I certainly am not going to pretend that the input of a random person on the internet means anything more to you than a grain of sand.

    But if this really does mean absolutely anything to you, then please, just live your life and love yourself. We only get one chance to live each day, and we never know if today is the day we will die. So live each day like it’s the last day you’ll live; you’ll never have any regrets that way. Be strong.

  6. Relax, things are totally normal with you. You are young, and will get it figured out in time. It’s okay never to have had a boyfriend at 14. My daughter is 15 and doesn’t even really like guys right now, because they are still really immature.

    If your friends give you trouble about it, just tell them you haven’t met anyone who really does it for you yet. And when you do meet that person, if she’s a girl, no problem. Just have some fun and let things work themselves out naturally. You’ll know when you meet the right person – the butterflies in your stomach will tell you.

  7. First, I want you to know that at only fourteen years old, it’s perfectly okay to not know what your sexuality is. You’re at the age where sexuality is starting to become something you’re more aware of in general. It’s a lot to figure out, and there’s a lot to learn. Sexuality and romantic attraction is a HUGE spectrum, and on top of being so vast, it fluctuates.

    If you want an idea of what your sexuality might be or might become later on in life, it sounds like you might be bisexual/biromantic. Which is awesome, because then you get the best of both worlds, right? XD

    However, if your feelings change later on, or if you feel like being bi doesn’t fit you, that’s okay too! You have tons of time to figure it out, and really, there’s no set time in your life that you have to have it figured out by. I know it can be nervewracking, thinking about exploring your orientation when there might be others who’ll be rude and think they have the right to judge you for being yourself. But they have NO right, and you do whatever makes YOU happy, because you deserve it. :D

  8. You’re 14, I’m 18. At 14 I was with someone I thought was Trans and also slightly worried about my sexuality. I know how you feel and the next few years might be emotinally rocky. Over the years lots of good and bad things happened and although I’m still with my partner they no longer identify as Trans and I’m quite sure I’m Asexual. Our relationship has just entered an even more complex phase and here’s the catch, I don’t even live in the US. In my country, career, education and lawful-straight-marriage is the way to go. You have a life, don’t forget that. Have courage and live it.

  9. You can thank society for mentally abusing and confusing you. First of all I think you arw to young to worry about relationships, boyfriend or girlfriend typw stuff. I think if you were lesbian you would have known from a young age according to many others who have said they always knew and were born that way. Now it’s just pushed upon the mass as normal and you are confused. And i promise you’re NOT the only one around your age. You may even be influenced by others who claim to be. To me it sounds like you are normal and yes I WILL say normal because we are suppose to be attracted to the opposite sex. You feel nervous because you want boys to like you and be attracted back. Girls you will feel comfortable around because you are a girl. Stop letting society mess with your head and confuse you. Females are suppose to like males and vice versa, now certain situations they were born attracted to the same sex as then they say they just know. I am so very sorry…..some how, some where we messed up and let this get out of control. Good luck hope you find yourself.

  10. I know sexuality can be tricky. In response to some other comments, you may be young, but your feelings are very valid. I myself am bisexual (although I haven’t had much luck with ladies…that’s another story), but that’s not to say that you need to slap any kind of label on yourself right away.

    Enjoy your feelings, I think you are starting to come into a part of your life where it is important to learn yourself, so that you may feel comfortable in your own skin *before* you’re 30. As for everyone jumping to the conclusion that you need a counselor-Yes, that can help, but it can also be counter-intuitive. If you are serious about a counselor/therapist (and no, it doesn’t make you crazy in any way), you should find someone who aligns with your values.

    Often times, school counselors are not the people you want to go to. You shouldn’t have to see a counselor regarding sexuality, though. That is your personal journey-and often times, the counseling aspect comes from outside forces of disapproval. It is okay to take this time for yourself, and figure out where your heart is leading you. Embrace all of you, and the right people will come-don’t try to be someone, or something else. You are beautiful the way you are.

    By the way, your teachers might be telling you that high school is way more important than it is, and that college is a big-scary-lovecraftian creature-it’s not. Do focus in on learning what interests you, and generally passing your classes, but you are allowed to just take this time for yourself and learn what tickles your fancy. College is much easier than high school makes it out to be, and it is a continuation of the self exploration experience.

    Good luck, and try to have fun. :)
    -Anonymous

  11. You’re only fourteen. You don’t need to rush, because there are some adults well into their thirties that still don’t know. It’s the kind of thing you just need to figure out yourself, and don’t let what other people thing change what and how you think of yourself.

  12. Its okay to be confused about it. You shouldn’t feel like you have to rush anything . You’re only fourteen. No matter what, just stay out of the dramatic relationships. If i were you, i would maybe see a school counsellor. they can go more in depth with your insecurities.

  13. Dear Teen,
    It sounds as if your orientation might be bi-sexual but to be sure, allow yourself therapy and examine your feelings. No need to rush to sex of any kind though. You’re only 14 and you’ve got a life ahead for that. Before you know it, college beckons! Take care now.

  14. Love. Your only FOURTEEN. Still just a child. Most people dont have a boyfriend/girlfriend at this stage of life. It sounds like you have low self esteem. Can you get yourself into some kind of counseling. I know it sound corny but they can really help. You are so so young dont put so much pressure on yourself.

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