Blackmailed

I’ve known her since she was very little. I was her dad and she was my little girl for may years. We had a great friendship for years that we both appreciated. I am no longer married to her mother nor am I her biological father. Shes over the legal age in the state where we live. But none of this helps me figure this out. One day she put the moves on me after realizing the tension I sometimes felt around her. Yes, once she got older she made me nervous. We were so close and talked about everything. Like best friends. She was quite forcefull and succeeded in getting a passionate kiss out of me. She was all over me and for a second it even felt right. After a while she started theatening to tell unless I continue to give her money or be there for her whenever she calls. Sometimes she wants to make out more but I manage to resist. I can’t believe she would do this. No one we know would approve of what what happened which is why I feel trapped. On top of this, she acts as if nothing is wrong otherwise.

american psycho minus the killing

where do i begin…(im a young female lesbian) who has a disorder that only i know i have “Trich” its when you pull hair out ect. i do it but its not to where people notice. believe it or not most people think im very attractive men and women. but im a perfectionist, for those who have seen american psycho especially the opening scenes thats what i mean. im unhappy unless i look flawless. i cant stand when things arent going the way i like. i get annoyed easilly but try to hide it. i have no clue who i am. if i ever lose my mind i will end up like the guy in the movie..
hopefully not lol but i just feel like a freak but everyone else just livs me, why idk. maybe becuz people like to b seen with the “cool” people. either way im in need of serious change so i dont snap one day.

shinigami

im scared.. i have proven myself to detect death to a certain person/s when i see them. i have been in this kind of situation for several years now. i had more than 10 people detected their death is coming and they are all gone.. some are friends and some are not. they either died because of health problem or accidents or suicide. i can’t tell when or how are they goin to die but i can detect death is coming to them. i don’t know how i was able to do this. it will just come out of my mouth when i see the person but it will only be me who can hear this.. i dont know either if i am actually saying it out in words or words are just all in my mind. every time this happens, the person i see and detect death to them has only a week to a month to live.. every time this happens.. i feel terrible that i cant do anything but to hear people telling me this person just died.. i dunno what i should do.. im afraid to tell the person involve that they are goin to die coz they might think im crazy or trying to throw a bad joke.. every time this people dies.. i feel all the guilt inside me, i feel i am the reason why they died.. i dont intentionally detect death, its not working.. yes i tried to intentionally tell to myself that person is goin to die sooner or later to test.. but no, it doesnt work that way..

i am feeling paranoid some times to look at people especially to my love one and on the mirror.. i am so scared that one day il detect death to those people i care and love.. i am scared that when i look at myself in the mirror.. i detect my own death.. makes me paranoid.. i wanted to cry this out loud, its so scary and i feel terrible.. i want to know how to “counter spell” it.. but i dunno any way..

The Biggest Fake of Them All

I’ve known my best friend for 6 years. We’ve been really close since we first met. We’ve always said “we’re not like everyone else…” and made some weird story to go with it. For me it was because of my overactive imagination and a chance to jump into the fantasy world I’ve always dreamed of. For her it was just a chance to escape the harsh reality she lives in. Six years later, we’d still been doing it. Everyone we met we pretended to be keeping some big secret from. Others eventually joined in. Someone else we’re really close to, who takes it to the extreme. My ex-boyfriend, who also takes it way too far. We’ve both even gone so far as to make fake myspace profiles for all these people we invented to go along with our story. Everyone we know believes that they actually exist. We’ve finally admitted to each other that we were both lying about who we were in the other myspace profiles. I always knew it was her, she always knew it was me. We just wanted to pretend and live in a world that doesn’t exist. Now that we want out of this world, we have to come up with the best lie of all. All the things we’ve made, all the stories, all the people. They have to either “die” or dissapear. We’re making up parts to the story right now. There were all these different races of creatures and people. Now they are all dying out. I think I’m ready to face reality. Part of my heart will always live in my own fantasy world, but thats just who I am. One of the biggest sides to my personality. You’d be surprised how many people actually live in the same world the same way we did. We know of at least 10 or more people who went along with our stories. I think more of them truly believed them. All of these people just want an escape from the world they live in. Now we have to take the biggest part of their fantasies away. Is that wrong? I’m sure even without us, they’ll go on pretending.

dream about a boy

Dreams always work in mysterious ways and lately i have been in the middle of a very acquired lets name it mind game.
the reason i am writing this is not because i am seeking of reassurance or good advise, It is just because i do not wish to let my voice scatter in the darkness of my unconscious mind.

everything started about two months ago, when was preparing for a very important job interview which would take place in a foreign country,i need to say that it has been a very important step in my career.
The dreams started coming a few weeks before i had to leave, and they were all about that place that i had to go, usually they were very confusing and intense. Parts of my dream s came true step by step in during my short stay.

But in one specific dream i was in an empty basement we were sitting at the only table around the corner with some people that i couldn’t recognize though i knew they were colleagues from my work. There was a live band playing on the other side of the room we were all drinking tea and laughing in a very surreal way. i needed tea so i thought going to the kitchen and putting some would be a good idea.i stud up and i started walking towards a closed door the distance seemed to grew as i tried to reach the door, my cup fell and broke i bended down to reach it then a guy approached me he bended over me and i felt scared for a second but didn’t have time to think as his lips approached mine like magnets we kissed and he took my hand without saying a word opened the kitchen door and took me to a room full of stairs and many people sleeping all around, i could not remember other faces but i remembered his face bright white guiding me through my mind.
the day of my interview saw this person in real life he was working on the building and he starred at me with astonishment for some very long seconds. i tried not to look at him but i could feel his eyes on me and i knew it was him the guy from my dream that i had never met before that day.
i tried to forget about him because you see i am in a very serious relationship but lately every time i wake up his face comes to my mind as if i had spent the whole night with him and in the morning he goes away.
i feel like i have been knowing him for a while.

Someone watching me

I clean homes. I cleaned a home for the same lady several times and each time I am there I feel a spirit. I feel like someone is watching me. I have felt like it is the spirit of a lady because I have caught the glimpse of her dress. I finally got into a serious conversation with the homeowner and I confessed this to her. She told me that her mother died in the home and her mother wore dresses all of the time.

I always cleaned her sisters home too. I never felt any presence there. Her husband died recently. I cleaned her home today. I kept feeling the same thing. I felt like someone was watching me. I felt this presence standing over me a few times. I looked and no one was there. Am I having psychic experiences?

Wondering

I wonder almost consistently what people’s reactions would be if I died. Many times the people I talk to just wouldn’t care, but for the few people I have connections to, I wonder who would actually shed a single tear.

why did i do that?

When I was 15, I agreed to strip at my next door neighbor’s 18th birthday party. It was the most fun I had ever had. If I hadn’t let myself get fat, i would totally be a stripper.

I want to be murderer

I want to kill someone in my lifetime and get away with it. I’ve always enjoyed the thought of killing someone. I’m a normally happy and cheery person. I just want to go insane and kill someone one day. I fantasize about being the perfect serial killer. I have many friends, no enemies, a wonderful life, and absolutely no reason to kill. Does that make me already insane?

I killed the dog…

I did a terrible thing a couple of days ago after finding the dog rolling around in his own shit and piss, everything was a disaster for the umptienth time… I lost it. I was enfuriated beyond reason, and in a blind rage I beat him, might have broken a couple of legs. Then I stuffed him in the garbage can, picked up the trash bag, tied it, walked it outside and threw it in the dumpster. It was a really cold night… The next morning the garbage truck picked up the trash… he is gone.I feel slighty remorseful since I have always loved animals, but enough was enough. We are all going to be better, less stressed out, cleaner, happier, etc…

I am relieved when I hear of death

Firstly, I’m not heartless. I’m just a practical person that know full well that this earth is over populated. And at the rate we’re going, there will be nothing for our grandchildren, let alone the rest of the whomever is left.

When I hear about someone’s baby, child, mother, whatever dying, I am secretly relieved and feel like congratulating them on their loved one’s bit to make the world a better place. Of course, I don’t do this.

I am fine with dying myself knowing there’s one less person for the fragile earth to support. What needs tohappen is that old folks need to die and people, especially poor, uneducated one, need to have much fewer babies. None, if possible. This is eugenics. Look it up. Very controversial but I think quite helpful in this state were in.

Hair

I have a disease, which causes excess hair growth. Throughout the past couple years, I’ve been noticing more hair on my body. Because of this, I’ve shied away from many things including men.
Right now, I found out that someone really likes me and I like him too. But I’m afraid he’ll notice my flaws. As time passes, I’m slowly taking care of this problem with treatments. But I think I should tell him ahead of time instead of him finding out randomly some time down the road. I don’t know what to do or say..