Kind of lost

Posted by Train-Wreck in Weird on Jul 25th, 2011 | 6 comments

About 12 years ago I rapidly got into a relationship with a girl. We hit it off perfectly, the relationship went on for a little over two years. We parted ways and it was one of those break-ups that just happen as fast as we got together, not bad on either side no real reason to be honest. For about a year and a half she called me between 3-5 times a week and we talked just like normal with the normal love you and good byes at the end of the conversations. Just all of a sudden we stopped talking on the phone. The odd part is in the last ten years or so I’ve not been able to bring myself to be with another women. No matter how much I try to psych myself out and say I can do it, when the time comes I just don’t feel right and completely close myself out from everyone. I still find myself looking at our old pictures and in tears at least three times a week. I don’t know what to do and it’s killing me inside.

The Feeling

Posted by Loo in Weird on Jul 23rd, 2011 | 6 comments

I answer calls at a suicide hotline. I didnt really understand what it would be like to feel like wanting to end your life, on the edge of maybe dying so sometimes I replicated situations of someone almost killing themselves; I’d put a handful of pills in my mouth, but not swallow, I’d lay face down in the pool water, holding my breath until the point where I felt my vision go sparkly, or I’d pull a shoelace tight around my neck til it hurt. It scared me yet there was something very thrilling about it.

I love my depression

Posted by open book in Weird on Jun 10th, 2011 | 15 comments

is that strange? let me elaborate.
ive never told anyone im depressed, i hide it mostly
so im not sure exactly how my illness works,sometimes im really high, sometimes im normal, alot of the time i feel depressed. but yeah, i love feeling depressed, does that make sense? it porbably doesnt. i love the nightmares and ill visions, the feeling of emptiness is insane, it like a drug.having a reason to cry and the altered veiw of reality i perceive is amazing.

for me its not an illness, its a new better way of life.
i would never tell or see anyone about it, they’d take the most beautiful thing in my life away.
it is apart of my identity.
it reminds me that i am different.

HPV

Posted by scared in Weird on May 1st, 2011 | 4 comments

I have genital warts and they hurt. I dont tell anybody and no one would EVER geuss by looking at me. The other day this guy made a joke about giving me oral. oh the irony….

My Double Life

Posted by RFK in Weird on Apr 16th, 2011 | 22 comments

I want to start by saying that this isnt your typical confession so I wasnt sure where to put it. Thats why its Under “weird”
Anyways….
Im 20 years old and I have been going to Church for about 10 years now. My Church was my life. I loved GOD and believed in him. I had always listened to Christian music, went to Christian concerts, lead songs at Church and I have even done assisting Ministry. I seemed like you typical Christian girl
But now….
Now Im secretly studying Wicca and only a few of my Wiccan friends know about it. I find the religion amazing. I always want to talk about the successful potions Ive made and how much I know already but if I do, I know my family a most of my friends will probably never talk to me again. I still believe in GOD but I feel like there is something missing. So instead of telling everyone, I go to church on Sundays, come home and study Wicca aqnd hang with my Wiccan friends. I hate leading this double life but its all I can do. I hate lying to everyone but its the only way I can protect my self from so much hatred. I tell everyone the herbs are for cooking instead potions, that the black cauldron is for decoration, not incense and that my potion is really just tea. I have to hide my magic books and guard my Book Of Shadows with my life so it wont be found. I hate leading this double life. I just want to be me. The girl who loves nature, the feeling of power, and the excitement of a successful potion!

Skydiving

Posted by wingsuiter in Weird on Mar 14th, 2011 | 2 comments

Every time i skydive I think to myself this will be the time I don’t pull the chute. I love life and always have the temptation to not pull the chord for a split second.

I Know His Secrets

Posted by burstingbutton in Weird on Dec 15th, 2010 | 16 comments

One day when we were young and in love, he asked me to check his email for him. Many painful years later, I still know his passwords. I also know about all the girls he’s leading on; the sexting and cyber sex; the girls he’s not telling there’s someone who calls him their boyfriend; the girlfriend he’s not mentioning the other girls he takes out to. I want to tell them all; I have the proof. But how can I, when I’m not supposed to know in the first place?

I steal

Posted by Sara B in Weird on Dec 14th, 2010 | 10 comments

This is so weird. I don’t know why I do it. I am poor but I manage to make ends meet. Yet for some reason I like to steal every time I go to Walmart. Part of me justifies it because they are a big soulsucking corporation. I don’t steal major things today it was eyeliner & eyeshadow that I wanted. I was spending the very last of my money buying Christmas presents for my kids (i’m a single mom with 3kids & no child support) I had to skip paying the electric bill to do this shopping today. i didnt really NEED new makeup i just wanted it so I took it. Its so ****** up but i don’t even care.

wish i had the balls.

Posted by human garbage in Weird on Oct 23rd, 2010 | 19 comments

sometimes i wish i had the balls to kill myself like the 2 girls from school. i feel like i am a waste of space and a constant burden on my father, who tries his best to provide for this family of 5.

everything from the amount of artwork i need to get done in the next few weeks to the pressure of exams and university interviews is driving me crazy. i feel like crying when i hear my dad fighting with a man on the other line of the phone, about money. i know i should be happy living so comfortably but i want to drop everything to help my dad however i can, but every time i ask he tells me to stop being stupid, and getting into university would make him the most happy. i know hes secretly lying.

i love my dad, but life has become really not worth it, a girl in my photography class killed herself last week, i wish i was her. every night i think of how much better life would be for my dad if i was to just die and not become such a burden on him. i feel to kill myself would be the most that i could do for him financially.

i wish i could evaporate into thin air. i am a black hole that takes in nothing but money. i feel like such a waste of skin and bone. i feel everyday i make my parents regret having me more and more.

why do the teachers expect so much from my art this year? its not like looking at my work will cure cancer.

The dreams in which I’m dying…

Posted by Anonymous in Weird on Sep 23rd, 2010 | 5 comments

So I have these dreams sometimes, usually for several nights in a row, where I am trying to kill myself. Sometimes I am slitting my wrists, but usually I am jumping off of something. I just out of windows, off of buildings, off of cliffs, etc.

These dreams should probably upset me, but they don’t. The part where I’m falling is the most amazing feeling! It’s this rush.. its this.. absense of pain.. even if for just a few seconds. But then I hit the ground and I’m not dead.. and I’m angry.. I’m angry because I lived.. So I start running.. one of those slow motion dream runs that only makes you more and more frustrated. And then I wake up.

And I always wish I hadn’t. I wish I could go back to sleep and try jumping again.

Anaphobia

Posted by Thingirl in Weird on Sep 1st, 2010 | 7 comments

I might be a bad person, but i have a complete phobia of people with eating disorders. I think that being so thin is the ugliest and most vulgar thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t look at them without being ill. I’m not fat or even chubby. In fact due to my metabolism I’m closer to being too thin than overweight, but the thought of being thin terrifies me. I get worried when people compliment me on how thin I am. I hate being told I shouldn’t have image issues because i’m under 115 lbs.

I got incredibly sick once for three months when i could barely eat and i dropped down to 85 pounds. After I got healthy I couldn’t shower for weeks because I couldn’t handle seeing myself naked.

I sound insensitive for saying this but I cannot fathom how anyone finds that level of thin attractive or empowering. Am I the only one that feels this way?

Embarrassed

Posted by Anonymous in Weird on Aug 1st, 2010 | 21 comments

I wish i was just like any girl, i’m 17 and i have enough self esteem issues to deal with. I do not think i am ugly and i’m lucky to be tall and slender, but i hate what i look like down there. I just spent the last hour looking up labiaplasty, i am so embarrassed by this and it has impacted so much on how i feel about myself. I know i can’t even begin to relate to so many confessions on here but this is mine, and it is disgusting.