Secret Confessions

okay one day i was playing with my cell phone and i turned it on vibrate and all of a sudden i had an idea!

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Dear Space Case.;

Long story short.
we were best friends, I fell in love with you. you liked me, but never really cared enough to be in love. You used me. I knew, but, I didn’t want to let go.

You then dumped me over EMAIL.

You are not innocent at all, church boy.
And it’s your own fault. You decided to keep going, and you made all the first moves.

It;s not that I hate you…but.

I just hate the fact you can lose your memory, and then I have to pretend like it never happened.

Enjoy your life.

– The Lost Memory.

Oh, my family and friends think i’m just a “normal” kid. Well guess what f*ckers. I’m not. I watch weird sick porn, i fantasies about killing ppl, i cut myself and love too see my blood running down my wrist! I have even tasted my own blood, makes me feel like a vampire. I smoke, i drink, and i am everything they think i’m not. They will never know, and i love just smiling at them somethimes and having them say ” what are you smiling about?” just that i tasted my blood last night.. but u will never know ” nothing..”

I’m writing this under “weird” maybe because that’s how I feel? But I also wonder, are the things I do and think, really weird in the end? Or do other people just lie about not having the same thoughts.

I spend lots of time alone, because of where I live mostly and with the cost of gas, I don’t drive into town unless it’s to work or something I have to do.

When I’m alone, my thoughts wander. I’m between boyfriends, had nothing but bad relationships in the past, jerks that want to own my every move. That’s not what I’m here to write about though. I want some feedback on normalcy…?

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I sometimes fantasize about being raped so that someone will save me and fall in love with me.

Some times I wish I would be raped which I know is horrible.

I like to be alone, i used to work alone on projects and stuff like that. i must be weird or something…

I study art and am at the college level now. We do all mediums, including photography.
My class is mostly women and I am also. We did a series of life studies, you know, figure studies in charcoal. Models come in and pose for us. It was hard at first, but it’s pretty normal now.
The weird thing is, I secretly hope that one day the model doesn’t show? And, then they would ask if any of the students would like to stand in. My weird fantasy is that it’s me and I take off my clothes and take up my spot under the sky light completely, absolutely naked. And then my class mates would study me and stare for a very long time. I don’t know why, I’m very modest and really cover up my body normally. But I seriously want to be painted or sketched without clothes.. I’m tired of drawing other people.
I think this goes back to when I was twelve and the Titanic came out, when she posed for that drawing, I had a serious desire to have someone ask me to get naked for a drawing! BUT, oddly enough, I would not want someone to take my picture naked, but art somehow makes it seem above normal nakedness? I can’t explain it, but it seriously turns me on!!!!! Maybe it’s the next best thing to being naked in public? Only in front of art students in stead.

Or, as I think about this, maybe I want to see how they draw me and how they see me?

Ok i had this weird dream twice in a row: I was walking down a street in a small abandoned town, which was sort of looked like it was from the movie or video game Silent Hill. Anyway I was walking down the street and all of a sudden, it went pitch black, so I pulled a flashlight out my purse and kept going. I saw someone walking, so I decided to follow them. I finally caught up with the person, and I found out, it was the guy I like. I looked at him odd and asked “What are you doing here?” He looked at me, his blue eyes shining, (sorry I get lost in his eyes a lot.) and said “I was wondering the same.” Then he smiled at me. I felt like something was wrong, but I just decided it was the fact I was in this creepy town. So I started talking to him, but after awhile, he pulled me close to him. “You should watch out. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” he said to me. I looked up at him, still in his embrace. “What about Kaylee?” I asked, just then remembering his girlfriend. He smiled at me, “Who’s Kaylee again?” Then he leaned down and kissed me. I, of course, didn’t mind and kissed him back, savoring it, but then something forced me to open my eye. (not to wake up by the way.) There was this noise, the wind, and slowly, he started fading into the darkness, then the dream ended after he was gone. What do you think it means? I’m confused as hell.

I have a fantasy that a beautiful demon will fall in love with me and I would give birth to a half-human-half-demon child.
And I listen to satanic music and do witchcraft just to try and attract some demons. I could only love someone demonic. Maybe that’s why I like guys that people find

I wish these confessions where more interesting and psichologiacally twisted so I would have the courage to post my own

O.k. I know this sounds really strange to some people, Continue Reading »

ive always had a thing i get off to. It creeps me out that I am admitting this.
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I voted for Ross Perot in ‘92, virtually throwing my vote away. Which ultimately led to the calamity of the Clinton years.