Currently Browsing: Spouse

What I Really Want to Say to my Wife

Posted by in Spouse on Feb 17th, 2011 | 15 comments

XXXXX – right now it is a Wednesday night around 8:30PM. You’re snoring in bed, zonked out on sleeping pills. I’m sitting next to you and I feel like I may as well be living in another city. I’m thinking of all the things I want to say to you but I can’t for obvious reasons. Among them are the following:

Having children together was a terrible mistake.

I ran out of things to say to you years ago.

On our last anniversary, I ordered flowers out of a sense of obligation. I didn’t include a card because I couldn’t think of any honest, romantic sentiment to write.

Physically, you have become very, very unattractive.

Your general attitude is probably more unattractive than your appearance.

On the other hand, seeing you naked generally fills me with a sense of slight revulsion.

I remain married to you because it is currently more convenient for me to do so.

I remain faithful mostly out of lack of opportunities to do otherwise. It wouldn’t be the greatest thing to do, but I’m generally filled with so much self-hatred I can’t imagine it would make much difference.

My emotions towards you are limited to indifference, annoyance and hatred.

I don’t love you anymore and I can’t remember the last time I did.

I’m Sad

Posted by in Spouse on Feb 16th, 2011 | 4 comments

I’ve been married 33 years (got married young by today’s standard – just turned 21). After being married 9 years my husband struck up a relationship with a woman at his office. Although, he wouldn’t come home sometimes until after 2 a.m., he still claimed that he wasn’t being unfaithful. Claimed he was helping her with her apartment (ha!). We came very close to ending the marriage, but eventually reconciled. After many heartbreaking fertility treatments and 2 miscarriages, we adopted a beautiful baby girl. I noticed that he never wanted intimacy after that and when I confronted him, he said that as long as our daughter was in our house, we could not have any relations. Once he hit 50, he has become angry at everything and everyone. He is either very happy or sulking or angry at something. When he is happy, he is good to me, but the happy him doesn’t last. The least little thing will set him off. I have gained a lot of weight – partly due to a thyroid problem and partly due to emotional eating. I can’t even look at myself in a mirror anymore. Just the other day, we were watching a TV program and I commented about having a crush since I was a kid on this actor (who is an old man now)and he said – yeah like you would have any chance with him. I guess this was the straw that broke the camel’s back because I have not been able to stop crying for the past 2 days. My husband has become a very hard man to love, but is a good father and very responsible. I don’t have anyone that I can really talk to about this and I guess I just wanted to just let out everything I was feeling.

I’m only alive for my kids

Posted by in Spouse on Feb 7th, 2011 | 4 comments

I am married to a guy that turns me down for sex more often than we actually have it. Who ignores me more often than he actually talks to me. We took a weekend trip with our 3 kids and the whole time he has been on his iPad reading and watching movies. Everything is so empty. When he is at work all week I miss him so bad, but when I spend a few days with him I can’t take it because I notice all these things. o i guess this is my life until I die. I hate feeling rejected all the time. He acts annoyed if i mention doing anything with anyone else , even though he never actually says i can’t do things. I wonder if it’s his way of controlling me. So I have become used to being alone with the kids when he works 55 hours a week and. Now I just shut people out. He buys nice things for himself and won’t share, he really has no respect for me. He calls me names and expects me not to get mad and just laughs it off like its a joke. This is the life i have become used to …how did this become normal for me?

I’m learning from a big mistake

Posted by in Spouse on Jan 29th, 2011 | 4 comments

I’ve been with my wife for ten years. We’ve been through hell and happiness, thick and thin. I love her with all my heart. She is a special person, but I have to admit,although we are best friends, I have not always been the best person to her. I can’t not forgive myself, for I am only human and we learn from our mistakes and get stronger from them. The past year had been really tough financially, physically, and emotionally. Much to our joy we learned that she was expecting, then only to find out that the insurance would not cover her pregnancy. It stressed us both to the max. It was also rough throughout the whole pregnancy on a physical note. She didn’t want much to do with me. I let it slide off as best as possible. After all she was carrying my child. But matters only got worse. My daughter was born and spent a week in ICU. One month later my wife took a job in another state, much to my dissapproval for the pay did not justify the move and seperation between us. I found myself alone, seperated from wife and child for months, trying to sell the house and find a new job, while paying all the bills we used to share plus the kids medical expenses. My stress level had gone above and beyond. I found myself overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, sexless for 13 months too and I caved in with a one-night stand on a night where I had a few too many to drink. I felt guilt ridden and ashamed at first, but then saw the big picture. Our communication had failed. We were on two seperate pages. Let it be me that made the mistake. I will strive to improve what should have been addressed from the very beginning- my true feelings, our needs, obstacles that should have been discussed prior to getting in this situation. Perhaps this could work for the better and only strengthen our bond!

I love someone else

Posted by in Spouse on Jan 21st, 2011 | 1 comment

I agreed to try and make this work because I felt guilty you’d had an accident. That you loved me so much and i wouldn’t give you another chance. I wanted to get our family back together. I wanted to believe you could be a man of your word after 9 years.

And soon enough, you started braking promises, lying, being mistrusting and distrustful. Manipulative, cruel, threatening.

Why am I HERE?! Because you cry and beg and so I give in. You say you don’t wanna force me to stay, but then you put me through the guilty ringer to get me to stay anyway.

11 days ago I was contacted by the one that got away. There’s never been a day in 10 years that I wasn’t in love with this man. Turns out he lives in our town!! I was single almost all of last year while we were seperated, dating and talking to losers, when the WHOLE TIME, HE was here and we didn’t know it!

We saw each other Friday. It was like time had never passed.

And then I walked away from that. And he and I both cried. And I promised myself I would give you an honest chance to prove everything you want to prove.

I walked away from the one I’m pretty sure I should be with FOR YOU!!!!

Don’t ******* let me down you asshole.

HELP ME PLEASE

Posted by in Spouse on Jan 9th, 2011 | 6 comments

Bare with me I will try to make this brief but detailed.

In Nov. 2005 I met my husband, then 21 years old, who was ending a battle with drugs and alcohol. I was 17 at the time and the first time I seen him I wanted to “have his babies” if you know what I mean. Very shortly after was his birthday which I asked him what he wanted as a present, (this was said in text messages) and his reply was “you”. I didnt text him for several hours because I did not know exactly what he meant. Now I know that he meant “to hang out with me”. But I took it as he wanted to have sex, so being young and dumb, I set the stage and waited for the day. When the day arrived and we were about to begin the heat of the moment SOMETHING came over me…. I asked him to marry me…. (he didnt even know how old I was!) regardless he paused and said “yes” then we continued the business. Days and months went by as we got to know each other and our respected family members, then sometime around April/May 2006 my husband (then Boyfriend) decided to join the Army after discovering his younger brother had joined. Half the time I begged him not to leave me and the other half I supported his choice. Then Aug. 4, 2006 we got married in the Army recruiting station in the mall, I was wearing jeans and flip-flops. (I do have some strife because of this event or lack thereof) Then on Aug. 31st 2006 he left me for basic training which may i remind you that the only contact with him was letters.

I heard or read somewhere that the Bible says a man should remain with his newlywed wife for the first year, Is this accurate?

During the course of our first year it was amazing/horrible roller coaster! A month after he left I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter. Lord I wish I could have told him in person and seen his face but I had to send him a letter. At first I was thrilled, then reality kicked in and I realized I would be alone with this baby and I became terribly depressed. I cried every night before I fell asleep in my lonely bed. At this point I met a man, and committed adultery.

In April 2007 I had our first born. I had to American Red Cross him so he would be able to be with me. I ended up having an emergency c-section (extremely painful, I needed assistance for the first 3 months just to get out of bed) and the day after I had her, he was on a plane back to the Army. (tons of hurt feelings there) A few months later my husband fell from a 40 foot tower, he was honorably discharged and returned home exactly one year from the day he left. Then through the course of events my husband found out about the affair and decided to stay with me. He never forgave me but I dont blame him, I don’t forgive me either.

wait… it gets worse….

We struggled with money and our emotional relationship was heading south, the physical relationship was great and still is. In July 2008 we had our second daughter, I wish I could say it was a joyous time but that would be a lie. When my husband seen the pregnancy test positive without skipping a beat his reply was “oh man” with a sigh. I cried that night all night. We continued to be a family, I was the stay at home mom while he was the breadwinner. And with our relationship crumbling I cheated again, this time I had the intent to leave him.

This is when he refused to devoice me.

So life miserably went on, we had our good days and we had our bad days. In Jan. 2010 we had our third and final daughter, this to was not joyous. And that about sums up our marriage to date.

My husband is a good man, he works hard, is respectful to others and is a wonderful provider and protector to our family.

Besides, gaining his trust back by being honest and open, what should I be doing?
What should my husband be doing?

I have confessed to him truthfully about the affairs. I repent as much as I can. I ask for Gods help and guidance. I praise my Lord.

We have moved an hour away from where we used to live so that physical contact with those men was semi-impossible since we share one car.

I have a confession, Our neighborer who lives upstairs who is married and has three kids is a stay at home dad. I wont lie I find him Very attractive, he has even pursued me to have sex with him. So far I have declined. My husband knows nothing of this guys attempts to woo me. We just signed our lease here and this guy moved in after us so Im trying to keep peace. I know my husband would get hot tempered and possibly end up in jail.

What is the rightmost thing to do here? I feel like i moved next to the devil! (the ironic thing is we have a view of a church out all our windows)

Meanwhile communication and that emotional connection with my husband is declining. He lies about little stuff like porn on his phone, who he has talk to, if he spent any money from our joint account, ect. Ever since I got with him I’ve had this “shady” feeling about him.

Is there anything I can do or say to him that will help rid me of the “he is shady” feeling?

Regardless, I love him and I dont believe he is trying to get back at me or anything.

We made a promise to each other before he left to the army that on our 50th wedding anniversary either partner could end the relationship no questions asked. I vow to keep that promise but I understand to do so I as well as he must learn some new skills to even make it that long.

What Skills should I be learning? What skills should he be learning?

In general, What should we be doing to rebuild our marriage and make it a lasting one??

Thanks,
running out of luck

Good, Bad, Ugly

Posted by in Spouse on Dec 19th, 2010 | 5 comments

The Good: I have two beautiful healthy children. A 2yr old boy and a 4mo old girl.
The Bad: I resent their father (my bf) for never helping as much as I need him to. He drinks and has fun with his friends while I’m stuck at home taking care of the kids, alone. He lies about the drinking, hangs up on me when I ask him about it if he’s not home, turns his phone off so he ‘doesn’t have to deal with’ me when he’s getting drunk..something he promised was over now that we have kids.
The Ugly: I want so badly to leave him…but it breaks my heart to see him play with the kids when he does. His family is amazing…but I can’t shake the feeling that the kids and I are ruining his life. We’ve gone to counselling and he’s still acting 20 instead of 28 with 2 kids. Every one I know says I deserve better than him…but since being with him and never being appreciated, my self-esteem is shot to hell…I’m scared to be alone because I have no idea who I am anymore…raising two kids alone when my bf is on the couch watching tv is killing me. I used to be a cutter but stopped once my son was born..it takes everything in me to ignore the knives in the kitchen…I want to be happy…but I’m terrified if I leave him he’ll take the kids away from me…they mean the world over to me. I’m beyond lost…I have no emotion towards him anymore…too much damage has been done…but still I can’t leave…I feel so weak.

wrong guy

Posted by in Spouse on Dec 12th, 2010 | 2 comments

i married him against my father’s advise. he was right. i have children. i wish he were not their father. i am stuck in a marriage with a guy who is unable to grow up, who can’t support himself much less his family. i make excuses for him, and for myself for being with him. i need help to get away. i can’t afford to leave and i can’t afford to stay. i’m trapped. my dad was right. he’s a looser.

I miss my wife

Posted by in Spouse on Nov 25th, 2010 | 6 comments

The pain of no longer having you is unbearable… I miss you so much. I wish I could have been a better person. I wish I would have listened. Now I have chased away the most wonderful person in my world. I wish I would have known how to show you the love you needed. Now you get to start over and somebody else will be so so lucky to have you.
Now I want to get help… and prove to you that i can be different. Your rejection takes my breath away.

So now I am faced with changing for me. So that I can not repeat the same mistake twice with someone else. I can’t imagine anyone else.

Obsessed my husband will leave me

Posted by in Spouse on Nov 22nd, 2010 | 7 comments

For a while now I am obsessed that my husband will leave me. The thing is, he has never given me a reason to think that, on the contrary, he loves me deeply and is caring, respectful, and all around a good man.
So I have no idea where my obsession comes from, other than the fact that he’s TOTALLY GORGEOUS, with model looks, and women flirt with him all the time. I’m a plain Jane. So I think that one day he’ll wake up and get tired of me and get “better”. Problem is, I don’t know how to get rid of this obsession. I’m afraid he might end up noticing.

I want you to beg

Posted by in Spouse on Nov 21st, 2010 | 0 comments

I want you to beg for my love. I want you to realize how valuable our marriage is. I can’t imagine a life with out you. I can’t imagine a trustworthy life with you. marriage vows are sacred. If I could only watch you fall on your face from your own stupidity I would be happy. I am ashamed to feel so much love for you that I blame myself for your man friend. You don’t deserve it. I have no self worth you spit in my face and shame my public image instead of supporting me.
Karma is a bitch
Thanks Your HUSBAND

Of all my problems, this is the worst

Posted by in Spouse on Nov 18th, 2010 | 5 comments

I have been married for 14 years, but for 20 years, I have been with this man. Almost everything about him irritates me, even how much he loves me. We have nothing in common, he doesn’t pursue me, I have closed myself up completely and am just trying to survive this marriage. I have allowed myself to remain overweight because I know that if I weren’t, I would find someone and leave. I also do it thinking he will eventually stop loving me. But yet, he stays. In this boring and unfulfilling marriage. If we didn’t have kids, I’d leave regardless of how I looked or if I had a job. I’m just not happy, or attracted to him, and am tired of staying because that’s the Christian thing to do. Yet, he is no spiritual leader. He doesn’t handle the family’s faith, the money, the bills, the discipline, he’s not a strong type of man and it embarrasses me…I think he’s stupid and boring and the way he disciplines our kids makes me so angry. Ugh. I have no one to tell and nothing to do to make this better. And so I remain quiet and hope to survive. Maybe one day I will love him again????

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