Fast forward a few months and the relationship is starting to deteriorate. I see that he has no intention of committing to me although I want him to. He wants to continue to see other women. Out of anger I contact his supervisor in the church and let her know about the child. She says that I can remain anonymous, but that he could lose his job. It’s clear that the supervisor has not yet approached him with my information because he’s still acting normal toward me.

I’m now starting to feel guilty about potentially ruining this man’s life. Although we’re not dating anymore, we’re still friends. Should I give him a heads up and let him know what’s about to happen or keep my mouth shut? If I don’t say anything, there’s a chance that he won’t know that I told. He’s told several friends about the baby so any number of people could have snitched. Help!

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I suppose he kind of regretted every now and then while he was with J. Whenever he misses me or has problems with J he would contact me via text messages or write through the blogs that only we knew the URLs to. I despised him for “cheating” on J in this manner. Yet i wanted to hurt J the way she caused him to hurt me. Whenever he contacted me (the bit of integrity and pride in me refused to initiate conversation) during the 2 years, i would say things that gave him the impression that i couldn’t move on without him (which i guess is true except i knew i cannot bring myself to be with a person who cheats on a partner)and that I still thought we are good for each other.

Finally after 2 years, he finally took a step further to meet up with me. I did think at that time, i should stop there. but i thought since i’m almost there i shall do it. i continued to give him this impression that i would start fresh with him if he breaks up with her. I knew he wouldn’t or couldn’t let go of her unless he was convinced that i’m in the game. So i slept with him. Eventually, he broke up with her,being so certain that he was able to convince me to give us a chance.

I didn’t. I almost thought maybe he’s changed. but I simply couldn’t for i despise him. In the end, like the lame loser i thought he was, he went back begging her, proposing to her with a ring to beg her to go back with him.

They are now still together. 1 year on. But she has depression and issues trusting him, they are trying hard to work out but are simply a dysfunctional couple who quarrel over slightest issues and brings up the pain from this episode of him leaving her for me.

I do feel sorry for them, but only a little guilty. On the other hand, I went on to meet the best man i’ve ever met, who doesnt take me for granted, treats me with a lot of respect, and loves me with all my flaws. we are getting married very soon and i think i have never been so blessed and blissful my whole life.

Sometimes I cannot believe i bring so much pain to them. I do check back into the couple’s life every now and then. I do – in some warp kind of way- hope they can work it through. I had only wanted to obtain closure through revenge.

I fear retribution. I fear what i did will turn back on me in future.

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