Currently Browsing: Regret

Drunken night of regret

Posted by in Regret on Apr 19th, 2011 | 8 comments

In the week before my wedding I went out with some friends from work and had a lot to drink. I ended up having unprotected sex with one of the guys and am so ashamed of myself. I just dont know why I did it. I’ve not told my now husband as I’m sure it would destroy him. The guilt is huge and I guess it’s what I deserve. I wish I could go back and have the night over again.

I killed my baby =(

Posted by in Regret on Apr 14th, 2011 | 23 comments

i had an abortion 10 years ago b/c my then boyfriend wasn’t ready to be a father… 10 years later, i’m married to him now – we were married last year – we have an 8 month old son and every time i see my husband with our baby – i hate him for making me kill my baby all those years ago – and i hate myself even more for choosing to listen.

I drove drunk

Posted by in Regret on Apr 8th, 2011 | 4 comments

I drove drunk last night, with my 5 year old son with me. I hadn’t drank in a long time & I got completely out of control. I fought with my husband & I don’t even remember half the night. I am the worst mom ever and I am so sick today knowing what I did. I just want to run away or something. I can’t stand myself. I know I will never drink again after this but I still did the worst thing ever and it was one time too many. God please forgive me and thank you for protecting my son.

My Secret Life…

Posted by in Regret on Apr 7th, 2011 | 8 comments

My mother and I have never had a good relationship. It’s all yelling and fighting.
So when I started doing drugs, drinking alcohol, and having sex with boys years older then me when I was twelve, it felt good. Like I was getting back at her somehow.
I’m now almost sixteen and I’m so lost.
Most of the cool friends I had are either in Jail, dead, or missing. I’m struggling to get away from the drugs and alcohol I’ve surrounded myself with and the truth is, I need help.
But what am I supposed to say?
“I need help escaping the life you didn’t even know I was living?”
I can’t say that. And I regret that. I regret that I pushed away the only person in the world that could help me.

should have been myself

Posted by in Regret on Apr 1st, 2011 | 3 comments

about 5 years ago I met a proffesional basketball player. I was so excited because he in the NBA! He was enthralled with me, and even left me and m friend tickets to a game he was playing in. I was at my prime, skinny, desirable,, no children, and in my beloved twenties! It was great. But I blew it because I was trying too hard to impress him. I overdressed for our dates, asked rediculous questions, and just wasnt myself around him, if I had been, he would have liked me more. I regret that so much. I wish I could hhave another shot at that.

Messy Depression

Posted by in Regret on Mar 20th, 2011 | 2 comments

I have recently been in a really dark place and have been suffering with some kind of depression although I haven’t been “professionally” diagnosed.

Today I realized how badly this depression affected all areas of my life, including the state of my house. I can honestly say I was shocked when I decided to start cleaning. The clutter was slowly increasing but I had no idea how terrible it had become until the cleaning. But it wasn’t just clutter. There was dirty dishes, dirty laundry, old floor stains. I was disgusted with myself to say the least. And then I was expecting guests over and I was about to have a panic attack – I have never felt so much shame in my entire life. I wanted to cry. I had this constant sick feeling in my guts.

I used to be such a clean freak and a perfectionist. And then I had become the complete opposite.

I still have a bit more cleaning that needs to be done but I’m looking forward to getting my old house and my old self back.

I can’t do anything

Posted by in Regret on Mar 16th, 2011 | 4 comments

I want to get into a good school so much to pursue my dreams, but my grades are too average. And worse than that, even though I want to study so badly, I’ll drift away and find myself wasting hours at a time. Then I’ll realize it and cut myself as punishment. It never works. The cycle continues.
I’ll often find myself thinking of all the things I should have done but didn’t. It depresses me to the point of hysteria.
I can’t talk to my friends about it; they’ll laugh or think I’m a crybaby. I can’t tell my parents; they don’t believe in depression.

Overdue apology

Posted by in Regret on Mar 1st, 2011 | 2 comments

The worst part is you’ll never know how sorry I actually am. I’ll
never send that text I always write but delete before I press
the required button. It says something like ” matt, I can’t believe I f***** up so bad. I can’t believe I made you hurt so bad. I’m so, so sorry”. I’ll never send it because I’m too scared of the texts you’ll send back.

I can’t believe I said that I loved you. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done, because 1) it lead to you being broken 2) it was a flat out lie. I will ALWAYS care about you, but I never have and never will love you. Everytime you kissed me I recoiled.

You were so nice, sweet, caring. You were NEVER mean to me. I played you and took advantage of you. You deserve so much better than me.

I haven’t spoken to you in four months. You could have forgotten about me by now, I could be a blur, as you have a new girlfriend now.
I’m actually happy for you, because she’s lovely- at least I didn’t ruin you.

This is my overdue apology to you. I’m sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I don’t even know if you care anymore. One day, I’ll muster up the courage to tell you this to your face, because you deserve to hear it. One day, maybe.

nothing lasts forever…..

Posted by in Regret on Feb 24th, 2011 | 1 comment

I really want to break up with my girlfriend. We’ve been living together for a year, and I have been the provider the entire time…she is into graphic design (she hasn’t graduated from college yet), but she can’t find a job doing what she loves (besides the occasional freelancing). Persistence is fine with me, but she refuses to pick up a job in another field during the mean time, almost as if she doesn’t have to because she knows I’ll always pick up her end of bills and whatnot. Oh, did I mention that I am a stripper and a FT college student, and I’m 3 years younger than her but I’m more independent than she’ll ever be? I feel like I have a kid and not a girlfriend……she knows that once our lease is up, I’m leaving her because leaving her now is too troublesome, and I don’t feel bad that she knows. But the strain of having to deal with all of our financial responsibility is aparent on our relationship. I barely want her to touch me….and when she does attempt to be affectionate, I hiss her away. I’ve never been a lovey-dovey person, but part of me also feels that if she had a more steady job, I would find her more desireable. she has lost her luster (in my eyes) and I can no longer hide it.

I’m Stupid

Posted by in Regret on Feb 15th, 2011 | 9 comments

I want to kill myself….and I used to cut myself…I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend who I only dated for 3 months…i feel like such a loser…I regret so much. I feel like cutting again.

long time ago

Posted by in Regret on Feb 8th, 2011 | 2 comments

Two freinds and I went to a mutual male friends house in high school. we had all been drinking. I was close friends with this person, he took advantage if me in many ways. However, I was intoxicated. We went to his house, he didn’t come looking for us…or even call. I never told anyone everything that happenend, but we both know. I hope he feels guilty. I feel guilty for my actions and it was 19 years ago. No one asked for anything, it happened. i don’t place blame on him, he was 17. What was he to think? I thought we were really freinds and he would just want to hang out like we had so many times. I wonder if he ever thinks about it or if he thinks I wanted to wake up in his room naked and wondering what happened. Maybe he doesn’t know, I wonder how many men don’t realize the damage they’ve caused or how many women know they were just as much to blame…in my case..maybe more. I wish I had never went to his house that night.

Past lives

Posted by in Regret on Feb 5th, 2011 | 4 comments

I am in love with the most amazing guy I have ever met, he accepts me for who I am. But everyday I live in fear that he will discover I had relationships with two men who were much older then me. (….by 14 years and 25 years.) I could trust him with anything, but this would crush him, he hates extreme age relationships. It will forever be my secret…(I hope).

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