Secret Confessions

i have been with my bf for 4 years now. but a few yrs ago i met a lesbian who really liked me. we were just friends at first but she genuinely cared about me. i made out with her..multiple times and on a few occasions it went just a tad bit further. i didnt like her in that way, just liked the attention. i broke it off with her because i just couldnt do that to him anymore. its been at least 1 yr and a half. i love him so much but regret what i did.

I cheated on my husband with both of his best friends. Both of whom he’s known since grade school. I feel horrible about it now, but we got together very young, were eachother’s firsts, and he was always so involved in himself he didn’t have room for me. His friends did. One even wrote me love letters and told me he’d marry me if i left my husband. Now, almost 2 years later, we have a wonderful relationship and I never even look at anyone else. I want to tell him because he deserves to know but i dont want to lose him! I’ll guess I’ll always carry this burden with me. But I do know the saying once a cheater always a cheater will not apply to me.

I thought you loved me. But clearly I am not worth risking it all to be with. I am tired of being your mistress, where all I get is bits and pieces of stolen time from her. And we have to be discreet, so I feel like I’m something to be ashamed of. Well I am tired of this shabby relationship. I deserve a full time lover,someone to love me ALL the time, not SOME of the time. If you loved me at all you would give me that. But you haven’t so I’m moving on. Thank you for loving me, but I guess you just didn’t love me THAT much.

I was your mistress for so long and at times I still miss it. I met you at work and we started having intimate relations. It was incredible and some of the best i had at that point. But you had a girlfriend. You told me you loved me and i fell for you to. Thats why it hurt so bad when i saw you and spent the night with you on a Friday and you proposed to her that Sunday. You didn’t even tell me you were gonna do it. It hurt me to know that you asked her to spend the rest of her life with you. I am the one that was supposed to get that ring!! You still tell me you love me, why couldn’t you leave her then?

I married someone and had a child, you married sometime later and have 2 kids. 12 years ago we found each other (again), and I wish I had been mature enough to see what was going on..but I wish you had expressed what you really wanted. BTW: the sex was awesome…I wish we had had more of it..and had more time. So much different than when I lost my virginity to you. You were good.

I think, although I will never really know, that you wanted to marry me. But you never said it, and I married the man I was with at the time…you know him, and he knows you. You both have always been in my life. And yet, I am so unhappy.

I love my child, but I married the wrong person. You should know that, you deserve to know that. I feel in love with you the first time I ever saw you …. but I was just a kid. But it was powerful, so powerful that I still remember the exact moment and exact feeling.

Are you happy? Is she what you have always wanted? It took my personal situation for me to see exactly what I should have done, and where my feelings lie.

My husband cheats on me, did you know that? I think he always has…maybe you did know it…you two seem to know things about each other, but never sharing that info with me. Are you laughing at me now? Are you happy I am being cheated on?

I should have never ended it with a stupid phone call…”are you in love with me, do you still love her, are we going to be together?”, then click. I hung up. I should have never done it that way. Did you hate me for a long time? Did you know that the real reason I broke it off was because he proposed to me? And I said yes.

I think you discovered that fact a few years ago when I ran into you and shared how long I had been married. I thought I saw a gleam of “oh, now i get it? in your eyes. Even my best friend caught on before I did when I told her I saw you.

I think about you everyday…I even see you sometimes. I bet you are a great dad. I know you alwasy wanted a family. I wish you would have told me…I wish I would have known.

I wonder if you ever think of me. I wish my mind would let go of you..it hurts alot. But I want you to be happy, and if you are happy with her, then so be it. It seems she has provided you with a home, and a family.

Anyway, you deserve to know these things, and maybe you hate me enough that if you did, you would say Karma is a bitch. But if you still have feelings for me, love me, we need to talk.

My HS boyfriend. We were almost married, I was so stupid to break up with him. I still love him, even to this day. Now I am stuck. Married to someone I don’t love, with 2 kids I don’t want, living somewhere I can’t stand. My ex-BF is no longer living, so I will never get the chance to have the life I always wanted. I would give anything. Everything & anything to go back in time & change it back to the way it’s SUPPOSED to be. Sometimes, I look around & I say to myself ‘How the hell did I grow up to be ME? How is this MY LIFE?’ How could I have screwed up so badly? I am MISERABLE and it’s all my fault.

It’s all too much to bear.

I stay home with my children, one that has special needs.

Spouse lost job. No income. Doesn’t want me to work either.

I am angry ALL the time.

I think about a relationship from many years ago, frequently.

I scream at the children and just want to be alone.

I am expected to do it all.

I want to run away.

I go into the bathroom and wash my hands and frequently think about grabbing a razor instead.

I had 2 abortions as a teenager, huge regrets.

I don’t like the person i have become. My being feels ugly.

It’s all too much.

I’m young, married, and living overseas with my husband who is in the military. I am stuck here with no opportunities for myself and it all hit me at once. I love my husband dearly, but all I ever fantasize about lately is living on my own, by myself. I want to finish my education, make my own money, splurge on a $300 pair of shoes or $200 jacket and not have to explain it to anyone. I want to travel the world, meet foreign guys and have passionate vacation romances. I want to visit the east coast and find a place I really want to live. I want to work a 9-5 job, be on my feet all day, and party on the weekends. I’m sick of the life I’ve chosen, the life I convinced my parents I wanted. I realize, too late, that I was naive, and now I can’t turn back. It’s depressing.

I know ppl may read this and think “she deserves it” and i would agree with you…see, my mother died three years ago when i was 14 and i felt numb…dead practicly until i got unto a chat room and i met this girl, we became friends…i started liking her more than a friend should have…yes yes am a girl, shes a girl…i didnt see it coming either, i guess it was just an ironic spin of fate that i realised that am bi in the worst moments of my life…yay more confusion please. The thing is…i fell in love with her and i just wanted a new life for a few seconds. to forget everything bad my life had, so i invented my alter ego i guess…a guy…and she fell in love with him, me…i havent lied about how much i love her, i havent love anyone like this…she made me happy when i thought i couldnt be…after the five years my mom fought cancer she died…and after all those years of feeling numb…useless cause i couldnt make the cancer go away…my friend…my gilfriend made me smile for the first time…truly smile…not the hollow that everyone in my family kept giving each other…ive been with her for three years now…and all i can think of is…am never going to be with her really…ill have to tell her and she will hate me and…and i cant stop myself to be selfish for a bit more so i keep lying to her…ill tell her, i will, i want to cause i know am doing something horrible to her…but am too selfish…
do i really love her as much as i feel, then why the **** am i such a horrible person?

Ive always wished for a summer romance and now I wish I hadnt. See I run on an AAU track team and this year our coach happened to be an 18 year old guy named jake. I knew jake because we had trained in the past together for track on a club team. We started the season off just flirting innocently but one month into summer I started to feel things for him. The more I was around him, the more I realized how much I wanted to be with him. Rumors spread that he liked another person our team though, so I immediately tried to lay off. But just couldn’t stop feeling things for him, as much as I denied it to myself. After the season closed, I texted him one night, asking him to meet me at the track. After talking for hours, we admitted to having liked each other during the season. Now he’s leaving for college and my heart is in pain because i feel I missed out on what could have been an amazing romance.

It hurts knowing that I screwed everything up once before. I was young and not ready for the same commitment, so when things got out of hand I did the easy thing and ran. You’re still one of my bestfriends though, and it’s taken so long to build up to that. I don’t want to ruin it. I don’t want to make you hate me for falling for you.

I hate it when people say “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Because I am trying so damn hard to prove them wrong.

And I’m failing….

For about two years now, I have been living with a shadow of irrational self-hate. Or at least, that’s what it feels like. I can’t accept any praise, because I automatically assume that it’s always a big fat lie. I’m too paranoid to believe anyone else’s opinion of me, because in my mind, the only person that is truly honest about myself is me. I constantly worry about who I am becoming, and if I am turning out just like my father (he is a very close-minded man who is also extremely racist, homophobic and sexist). In my mind, I see myself as a horrible, hateful person prone to unrequired violent acts and spiteful words. In fact, I do not understand how people can stand being around me, and why my friends stay by my side. I feel like a disappointment to everyone. I self-harm (burning, picking at wounds until they bleeed, scratching), binge drink, starve myself…. Really- it feels like they’d be so much better without me. No, it feels like the world would be much better without me. One less mouth to feed, one less taking up precious oxygen- I feel like a waste of space and resources. These days, I honestly see no reason to why I should keep walking this earth. I cause my friends and family so much pain it just isn’t fair. I really think it would be better for all if I just quit living.

I crucified you today.

I wrote other things, but at this point they are meaningless…….

Today I asked God to remove what I feel for you. I have given it to Him and I will leave it there.

I cheated on my last boyfriend. I met someone while on vacation on a cruise boat. He kissed me, and I kissed back. Many, many times.

The funny thing is, I don’t regret cheating on my boyfriend. He had a tendency to get drunk and tell stories about our personal life to his friends. Once, he told an entire room full of people how he’d given me an orgasm.

One of my regrets is that I still respect him enough not to do the same to him: tell a room full of people that I had to fake it.

My other regret is not having losing my virginity by having hot, passionate sex with the guy I met on vacation.