This is why I will be alone.

Posted by anonymous in Love on Jun 11th, 2010 | 13 comments

I’ve always had a problem with physical contact especially when it comes being intimate with someone. and that especially means sex. i think sex is disgusting and impure. Its probably because i was abused by a driver that worked for my parents when i was a child.

I’ve never told anyone.

What i hated the most was everyone loved him. sometimes i fantasize about seeing him and taking a gun and blowing his brains out, so he would never abuse another child ever again.

i try to be perfect in every way, but the truth is, no one is going to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to have sex. i will be alone

Sly Bi

Posted by BiCurious in Love on Jun 10th, 2010 | 5 comments

For about two years, I’ve thought about dating both boys and girls. I am a female.
And recently, for the past few months, I’ve been dating a guy. However, my attractions to him have…slowly started to dwindle away, and favor more in the other gender.
I decided that because I’ve been dating him for awhile, I shouldn’t suddenly drop the relationship just because of some wavering will.
But… today, I went on a feild trip with my class to an amusement water park as a reward to those eighth graders who are promoting.
There was this cute girl, whom I’ve known since elementary, that attended the field trip. We got tired of swimming in the wave pool so we headed over to the Lazy River. Because there was a lot of people in the river already, intertubes were scarce. Eventually we got a two-seater intertube after a mother and child left the attraction. We settled in and talked for awhile, and, after flirting for a bit… we kissed.
I didn’t know what to do. It was exactly what I had wanted at that moment, and all I wanted to do was sweep her away as my girlfriend… but, what about my boyfriend?
I don’t know what to do. We held hands for a little while on the river and giggled about what had just happened, but we didn’t spend a whole lot of the day together after that; mainly because I had become so uncomfortable with the situation I was now in.
She kissed me on the cheek again when we were leaving. We were trailing behind the group, and as the others entered the bus, she snuck it behind the bus.

I’m really lost. All I want to do is be with her, but should I really give up the relationship I have with my boyfriend because of a kiss?
I feel like a terrible person. I /was/ flirting with her… I shouldn’t have been. I provoked it.
But what should I do? Stay with my boyfriend, who has been nothing but faithful? Or run away with this girl on a whim of romance?
Or should I punish myself, and lose both of them?

Please Help Me

Posted by Anonymous in Love on Jun 3rd, 2010 | 13 comments

I am in so much pain, words cannot describe my broken heart and shatterd soul.

I’m going to make this story short because i can’t stand the pain these memories bring me.

I’ve never had a proper family. I have a step father and step siblings and my birth mother. however, ironically, i get along with my step father the best in my “family”. My mum has never been there for me. She abandoned me and sent me to boarding school at a very young age and rarely showed any affection for me.
Although she constantly claims she loves me, she has done nothing but mess up my life beyond measure.

Over the years, i became really close to my step father. I preserve myself in every way to make sure i dont love anyone because i know if i did, i’d eventually get hurt. This outlook was created through a couple of really rough relationships where i was hurt, deeply.

Anyway, somehow, because i finaly had a male figure in my life, i learnt to love him. As a father, a friend and ever so slightly a partner. We both knew that was wrong so i am learning to abandon the inappropriate love.

However, my mother became seriously jealous of our relationship so decided to “leave for a month” to sort out our lives. In my opinion it was just a low trick to make my step father to miss her so he would go after her. And she succeeded after threatening a divorce which i knew she wasnt going to go through with it but my dad was scared to lose her. Therefore her little mind game works out just fine, he’d go after her and leave me.

As time went on, i began to love him more and more but noticed that he didnt really care about me the way i cared about him. I was and am constantly in pain.

I dont understand why he doesnt care about me. all i wanted was for him to care about me no matter how little. He is really attentive and all but i just dont feel love between us anymore. i love him like there is no tomorrow but the signals i’m getting back always generate an annoyance or something thats really forced. Like he doesnt want to spend time with me but he is pretending to.

So i confronted him and told him how i felt. It didnt turn out well at all. i was so scared that i was going to lose him. i became paranoid and upset all the time. When i confessed, he went absoloutely crazy and told me that i am “just a stupid little girl” and i should “wake up and smell the roses”. Oh and then he told me he couldnt deal with me anymore and no longer wants me or live with me.

Now i have nothing but pain and suffering. I dont know what to do. I wish i was a better person so maybe he’d love me.
I’m scared i’m going to do something stupid.
I’ve been suicidal before and now those feelings are back and even stronger.
I dont want to die but i feel like my death is the only solution to all of these problems.

My mother will be happier because she would have my step father all to herself.
My step father will be happier because he doesnt want me in his life anyway.
And i will be happier because i wont be suffering anymore…

I dont want to do this but maybe i have to…

It’s not you, it’s me… Or is it?

Posted by Anonymous in Love on May 31st, 2010 | 3 comments

I found out that you were cheating on me, with multiple women. From early on in my pregnancy up until a month after our daughter was born.
I confronted you about it. We talked it out and I guess it’s better. You told me that, because of your past experience with women cheating on you, you push people away as soon as you get close. I do the same thing.
What you don’t know, is that I am continuing to push you away, because I’m still in pain.
I won’t break up with you because I’m sure no one else would want me.
I went to meet a guy today. We were supposed to meet at 3. 4:30 rolled around, and he still hadn’t shown up. Whether this was intentional or not, I’m still not sure.
If I break up with you, I know I’ll come running back. I always do.
Every day, people are showing me that I’m not good enough. You joined the club.
I’ve returned to cutting and I’m a matter of days away from binging and purging again.
I can’t talk to you, either because the words lodge in my throat, or because you won’t listen. I’ve written letters to you, explaining how I feel. The apologies last for a day, and then you hate me again.
Why do I always fall in love with guys who will never feel the same?

I have an affair with a professor

Posted by Menina in Love on May 29th, 2010 | 6 comments

I have an affair with a professor at university. I don´t visit his courses, so its not for grades. I simply like him a lot. He is married, but I don´t care.

I secretly wish my boyfriend gets the girl he’s cheating on me with, PREGNANT!

Posted by Anonymous in Love on May 27th, 2010 | 6 comments

He has been cheating on me multiple times with this man-looking female. He’s always blaming me for his unhappiness when in reality, he’s got an alcohol problem and perhaps got issues.

He steadily disrespects me and talks to this girl who lives out-of-state on a daily basis. Yet he “loves” me or whatever. We’ve been together too long and also live together.

I know I’m stupid for staying with him but I’m too nice to leave. Ive never tolerated anything like this with any man before. I feel like Ive been jaded.

So I figured, the only sure way for him to realize what he’s got at home is good, I hope he gets that ugly chic pregnant so that he will be stuck with her (since he’s always wanting to be with her) forever.

Am I wrong?

Oh well…

Posted by Anon in Love on May 22nd, 2010 | 1 comment

By this point there isnt much I can do about it but be sorry.

When I was younger I was molested by a boy a couple years older than me. It only happened once because my dad walked in on it but never the less it impacted my life. My dad hadn’t realized what he saw… we eventually talked about it but thats not the point. I confess that I “molested” other boys. I didn’t use force but I did manipulate them into sexual acts. I was ashamed of it for a long time and now im not. I feel like I was just trying to figure out life. After I had been molested I was confused. I get it now. After I stopped forcing other guys into those situations I even started touching guys in their sleep when they spent the night at my house… pretty ****** up, I agree but that was all part of my path.

Eventually I started doing drugs because of the shame. I tried just about everything and let school slip away. Mescalin, Weed, Cocaine, Cigs, Vicodin, DXM, Mushrooms, LSD, Lots of drinking. After one of my good friends who I had just fooled around with at school committed suicide by overdosing on heroin I went to rehab. I blamed myself for his death for a while, I don’t anymore but I know I could have been a better friend.

In rehab I learned a lot about myself. Not enough though, about a year after getting out of rehab I lost my virginity with guys… two guys actually. They were a couple and I was sleeping with both of them. They treated me right and accepted me for who i was, they didnt judge and were good guys. I slept around for a bit until I moved back to my hometown to go to college and met a guy. He became my first boyfriend and I think I’m really falling for him. I havent cheated on him and I dont want to. He is amazing. Now that I have come to terms with my gayness, to a certain degree, I have started to tell my friends. They have all been awesome. I’ve thought about telling my parents but I havent decided to yet.

I almost told my sister… I had my boyfriend waiting at a restaurant but my sister decided she was too tired to go. I couldnt tell her why it was so important for her to come so we just ended up getting in a fight. I told her it was really important for her to come and she said she didnt care. We claim to be close but were not, hell she doesnt even know im gay!

I still have my fantasy about having a “real” family. If I ever find a woman who “excites” me again it will be a pretty easy choice but i have a feeling that will never happen. My boyfriend is amazing though, We have something I’ve never felt with a woman. If we can have kids one way or another then I am set. That’s what I want more than anything. Our relationship is something new and exciting and its lasting. Its been about 3 months and we have only grown closer and closer.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL

Posted by Anonymous in Love on May 17th, 2010 | 2 comments

I am a girl who is very confused all the time about how I feel. I have always felt different then everyone. I was a tomboy growing up, It was difficult for me to admit things that were associated with being a girl. I had to write my mom a letter to tell her I had started to ride the crimson wave the summer after 5th grade. When I reached 17 years old I started to grow out of my awkwardness and started getting attention for my looks. People who hadnt seen me would say “WOW when did you get hott?” butI was never comfortable making out with guys. It wasnt a comfortable thing for me at all. the whole time I would try to just be in the moment but I couldnt do it. Then I met this really awesome beautiful popular good goodie girl and fell so deep in love. We were bestfriends for 2 years until finally I couldnt take it anymore and I told her how I felt. We didnt talk for a couple days then she showed up at my apartment and we talked she admited that she had been having intense dreams about kissing me and being with me, I felt so happy and sick to my stomach at the same time. I just couldndt even believe that she felt that way, it was a miracle. That night I had the best kiss of my life it lasted like 3 hours. It was 3 hours of the realisation that I had possibly destroyed the best friendship id ever had, and 3 hours of realizing what it ment to be in love. However, both of us came from very religious backgrounds, and familys. We couldnt stop being together and we couldnt tell anyone either. For 5 years we were a secret, no one knew or even suspected. We even had “dates” with guys to keep the cover secure. We broke eachothers hearts a thousand times by seeing other people. We killed eachother inside but we were so addicted to eachother that there was no way to continue normal and no way to end it either. She moved away one day out of the blue to figure stuff out and we were never together again. She’s married now and has a little boy. I have never gotten over her, and I dont know if I ever will. I wish I knew if she ever thinks of me. I dont want to be in her life, she has a great life and I am glad but I just wish I knew that one thing so I dont have to think that 7 years of my life, that were a secret, were for nothing, that what we felt was real. I cant move forward, but I dont want to keep looking back. No one knows to this day about me and her, so no one can understand why I dont date. She was the only person I was ever complete with. We were intence and passionate and free and alive and now I just feel dead and numb inside. At his point if I admit that I am gay thats ok with me. I am comfortable enough with the truth but to protect her I can never tell about that. I still dont feel comfortable with anyone quite like I was with her and I dont know what to do. I want to have a family someday soon and I cant get close to anyone I dont know what to do now. Just die alone and sad? I dont want that. I dont want to settle and be unhappy either. I dont know what I need but It feels good to have talked about it anyway.

my teacher

Posted by anonymous in Love on May 2nd, 2010 | 3 comments

I am 16 years old..my psychology teacher is in his late thirtys i belive; maybe even early 4o’s.
I am amazed by him his words intrigue me, the way he talks, his voice the way he say things the way he thinks the way he conducts himself his hole being just causes me to melt. I am in love with a man who is married with 2 children. I despise his wife. In my eyes he’s perfection the most astonishing human being in this world. I go to his classroom every morning and when I see him I’m in love all over again that unmistakable colon he wears I could recognize that delighting smell anywhere HIS EYES the most beautiful I have ever seen they change colors according to what he wears ugh his hazel eyes make my heart beet faster he takes my breath away when he waives or smiles when he looks directly in to me I almost gasp my eyes water and I am overwhelmed by him. Deep inside know he’s not perfect but I want to know his every flaw I don’t care what it could be I just want to be with him.

I still love her

Posted by Secret Lesbian in Love on May 1st, 2010 | 2 comments

I am a married woman, who met someone online almost two years ago. We became best friends, and then I fell head over heels in love with her. We were in an online relationship for a year. I almost had a complete mental break down when my husband found out. I seperated from him for 4 months to try and figure things out.
She would never show herself to me. Even after everyone told me that it was probably some freak, I couldn’t believe it. She was and still is my everything. She never did anything to even hint that she was using me.
I would give absolutely anything to see her, to hear her voice again, to be with her, to hold her in my arms.
I am back with my husband now, but she constantly haunts my dreams. I have not slept a single night since we had to split up without dreaming of being with her. I miss her more than I can ever express.
She was the one and only love of my life.
I continue on with my “normal” life, but deep inside I know I will never be the same.
I haven’t spoken to her since January, but yesterday I sent her a couple of messages. I know I shouldn’t, but I love her too much.
I want her back. I would do anything to be with her now. I am so afraid that she won’t be in my life.
I am a lesbian, and I know it. But, I am living a “normal” life because I am so scared.
Megan… I LOVE YOU WITH ALL THAT I AM.
You have my heart, and you always will. Please don’t give up on me.
Please, please show me who you are, so that I can finally make up my mind to either pursue for the rest of my life or so that I can move on knowing you were not who you said you were.
Even if you are some freak, deep down, I still love you. The year we spent together was the best year of my life. I can’t lose that.

liar.

Posted by Anonymous in Love on Apr 30th, 2010 | 0 comments

i was with my boyfriend for three years and i never really loved him. i thought i did but now i realize i was just scared to hurt him.
he thinks we broke up because of long distance.
I have never been in love.

Just a kiss

Posted by Sugar in Love on Apr 24th, 2010 | 0 comments

22 years ago we kissed. It was probably the hottest kissing session I’d ever had. Last night, we kissed again. It was so different, but so much better. You were right, it didn’t feel wrong, even though it would be deemed so. I didn’t think of him, or of her, just your lips softly caressing my lips, my neck. I do not regret it and I do not feel guilty.

I will not let it go farther than that kiss, not until we are both free from those that hold us down and bring us pain. This kiss has cemented my resolve to break free and find my happiness with you. I long for the day.