stupid crying

Posted by Anon Girl in Love on Aug 14th, 2010 | 0 comments

I saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months. You my ex-fiance, my first love. We were at a mutual friends birthday party. You are still as handsome as you have always been. We’ve only been broken up for 6 months.I left you. I left because I knew you stopped loving me. I just couldn’t be in a relationship with you if you didn’t love me anymore. It nearly Killed me leaving you. It was so hard.

We were together for 1 year and 9 months. We were going to get married this past May on our 2nd anniversary. When our anniversary rolled around, I hurt so bad. I wanted to be your wife,your soulmate. I remember when we used to say that we were each other soulmates.

I know you loved me before,because I noticed when it was slipping away. I could literally feel the difference. I tried so hard to keep you,to have you love me again. Why did you stop loving me? You promised me forever. You even wanted to have children with me before. What did I do to make you stop loving me? You were such a good man, and still are. You don’t cheat, you don’t abuse people, you are a generally nice guy.

I remember crying my eyes out on my hands and knees begging you to never leave me. Even though in the end, it was I who left. Then after a couple months, I find out you like my best friend. Why was she better than me? I gave you everything.She doesn’t even want you in that way. How can you have a crush on her? Wasn’t I good enough for you? Did I have too many problems? It felt like a jagged knife was shoved in my heart and twisted when I learned you wanted her. COuld you ahve not chosen anyone else besides her. It honestly wouldn’t of hurt as much.

I was with you for almost 2 years… I pined after you for 2 years before that. I always wanted you; heart,body,and soul. I gave all of that to you. We were more than lovers. You were my best friend. You know Everything about me, more than Anyone. That is still true.

I doubt I am still in love with you anymore, but I will always love you. Always love you and have you in my heart. My first love was a very good man..but I guess I wasn’t good enough for him. I was also his first love and first lover.

I just want real love again. I’m so afraid though. To give everything once again…and then the same thing happens.

5years on+off

Posted by love/hate in Love on Aug 11th, 2010 | 3 comments

I have known this guy for 5 years. In the last 3 our feelings for each other have become stronger even though we have been on and off for the 5years I have known him for. Every guy I go with I compare them to him. I never get why though; he’s nothing special, he’s put on weight, he’s rude, worries what everyone thinks when he’s with me, the sex isn’t exactly amazing – I wouldn’t even say it’s good and it drives me ******* crazy, at times I even hate him!

But when I stop talking to him, I cant get him off my mind, he’s all I think about, all I want. When I talk to him, we don’t have a proper convosation. The only time he talks to me is when he has a free house and his parents are away and I know then that he wants sex and nothing else. Even though I don’t want to go, I end up going. I don’t always have sex with him but I still sleep in the same bed as him.

My friends hate him, I hate him at times, but I can’t forget about him!

I am afraid of your debt issues

Posted by Anonymous in Love on Aug 9th, 2010 | 2 comments

I love you and our relationship, but I am afraid of your debt issues. If we combine our resources, and split our costs in half, sharing everything, I am afraid of getting lost in that.

You have lots of goals to accomplish in the next year… getting a masters degree, buying a house, traveling, and, um, paying off your debt. But I don’t know how it will be possible unless you develop a plan of action and follow through. Be realistic!

Right now, all we do is spend, spend, spend. We do not live an expensive lifestyle at all…. but can we humble ourselves a little more and cut costs? Can you humble yourself and ask for help from your parents, even though, as an adult, you are embarrassed by that?

I am afraid of your debt issues because I am disorganized myself. I fear what I see in you because I have a tendency towards it myself.

I am frustrated that the issue is too “emotional” for you to talk about. It needs to be talked about and a plan needs to be made. I want to see action taken!

Dear mum,

Posted by Of Loving Hearts in Love on Aug 7th, 2010 | 3 comments

Hey, hi there. You think we’re good children, don’t you? Yeah we’re a bit lazy, kinda frustrating, but good children. Well let me tell you a bit of us three, the ones who in your mind still have a chance at succeeding since we didn’t get pregnant. My first sister, let’s call her Linda, yeah. Linda. She’s going to China, of course, and she’s really excited. She took Mandarin classes, so you think that’s why she’s going to China, because she’s being successful in college. Truth be told, she’s going to go see her boyfriend she’s been with for three years and she’s never told you. Strike one for one of your angels. Second sister, lets name her Morgan just because I feel like it. Morgan, she’s somewhere between the lines in your mind, but she’s going on, she’s the one who’s been the most truthful even if she is a pain in the ass sometimes. Well, she’s had 3 boyfriends you’ve never known about. She got her first kiss at 15, and you have no idea about that because of how closed minded you are. She had her first love at the same age I did and you don’t know about this. Strike two for your angels. Me? My name shall be Nova, just because I feel like it. I have my boyfriend right now and I love him, but you don’t know that. He lives far away but I met him the other day. I’ve been with him 8 months, and you don’t know that. You won’t take me seriously when I tell you I love him so I’ve never mentioned it to you!!!!!! IN YOUR EYES I’M ONLY A TEEN!!! I CAN’T LOVE!!! that’s your mentality, your closed minded mentality. And you were disappointed with the oldest, because she found love over the web and now she’s married and has a baby. How am I supposed to tell you of my first love? How are any of us supposed to tell you? It’s nearly impossible to do so, you having your mind. Oh and the other day, we made out. I got my first kiss that day, and I couldn’t tell you. I was in the arms of another teenager like I. And we held each other with love and didn’t want to let go. My sisters know, all of them do, but you and my dad do not. So much for your little angels.

not too strange…?

Posted by Renata in Love on Aug 7th, 2010 | 3 comments

My boyfriend treats me like a goddess. We’ve been going out for several months… but I have a best friend in high school, and found out she’s–yes, she– is in love with me. In the future I wonder what it will be like if a chance arises to go out with her, because in the past I had a crush on her. My family will probably kill me before they allow me to become a lesbian, ha-ha… I care about my boyfriend and love him too. Torn…

I’m in love with a married man

Posted by Anonymous in Love on Aug 1st, 2010 | 21 comments

We met online quite by chance… we were friends for almost 2 years then it turned romantic. I would never tell him but I wish he would leave his wife for me…I realize this is a foolish hope. He’s been with her 30-something years and he lives in another state. Ever feel like someone is your soul mate?? So unfair he belongs to someone else. And yes I know I will probably be the loser in this if it ever comes down to a choice. I will probably end up with a broken heart. I am divorced so nothing holding me back. But for now… I just love him! :)

I’m so STUPID.

Posted by so stupid ,so dumb in Love on Jul 28th, 2010 | 4 comments

i used to love this girl she was the most amazing girl ever , and the most amazing thing is that she loved me back , i spend many years studing in highschool with her and never had the guts to tell her “hey i like you” and when i finally do it’s to late because i’m in a different country and have cancer the worst part is that she said she liked me even though i had cancer and was really far away, but as i got to know her better i realised she was just using me to get to the states she had a lot of boyfriends and in all her relationships she was sexually active she was just using me, she was using me because she knew no one else would take her just a dumb**s like me would take her, and i felt for it , i mean i was so blind , i feel like dogsh*t i mean who can honestly fall in love with a loser that haves cancer WHO?! no one thats who…..

the other woman

Posted by the affair in Love on Jul 27th, 2010 | 2 comments

I was his other woman. It grew out of friendship and was (almost) accidental.

Finally, one day, I told him to just go. That I couldn’t keep doing this. He hasn’t spoken to me since that day.

Telling him to go is the biggest regret of my life. I love him more than I have ever loved another person in my life. I recently started dating someone new because it was the right thing to do and he’s a great guy. But he’ll never give me the butterflies that my married lover did. And still does everytime I think about him.

Wondering What Will Happen Now…

Posted by Elizabeth in Love on Jul 20th, 2010 | 6 comments

I am in a very complex situation. I’m turning 18 in a little over 2 weeks and I’m facing reality head on. I’m in love with a man that once was with my mother and he wants to marry me. Althought they never married or were engaged, this man came into our lives 9 years ago, and became a part of us. Eventually their relationship ended, because they never shared “big” feelings for each other, but stayed in contact because they shared business deals. My mother had critically damaged her economic stability in these years and my x sort-of-stepdad stayed in on the hard days.He and I became very close, as I was going through the roughest years of my life, and was a companion to a lonely girl. He helped me with my relationship with my father and 2 older siblings, along with everything from big to small. I became romantically involved with him at a young age, 12, and have stopped living with my mother for 1 year and am staying with him. As you can see my mother is aware of the situation , and was from the beginning, but I guess she knew this was very complicated and she could see the love we shared…these didn’t stop her from creating problems for us.

The problem I’m facing is my father and 2 older brothers who are not aware of the extent of our relationship. They think my mother and this man are still together and are completely unaware of how great of a help he has been in our lives. I want to leave everyone and escape with my love, but he doesn’t want to run away. I ,on the other hand, am not ready to live with the chaos that will be created in a few days. We generally move around together and have learned each other’s ways and now the time has come to show the world this is happening.

My relationship with everyone in my family is next to nothing, but that hasn’t stopped me from feeling guilty at times.

Just because love is ‘True’ doesn’t mean you can or should have it.

Posted by True Love Lost in Love on Jul 18th, 2010 | 0 comments

I am in my mid-50s but apparently look much younger. I met a woman at work who was then barely 30. I’ll call her Annie (nothing like her real name). We became friends. I thought she was physically ok but nothing spectacular, but she had a profound inner beauty. I flirted slightly with her. Then one day she told me she was going to go back to Hong Kong so her ex-boyfriend could see his son. She regarded him as a creep. She then tried to persuade me to resign from the company and got to live in HK and not to worry because “we would both be together”. I said no but it preyed on my mind because she was the kind of woman I had always wished I had met when I was younger. But she was too young. You can change, or get around, just about any aspect of yourself … but you can’t make yourself younger. But over time I realised I was falling in love with her. I even tried to get her to go out with guys. I never dated her. And I didn’t even touch her because I knew my resistance would collapse completely if I did that.

Annie returned to HK for a little while and came back. She came back pregnant. But I didn’t care because I was completely in love and trying so hard to pretend she was just an acquaintance. She seemed not that interested in being friends anymore.

Anyway, eventually she planned to go back again by taking a year off. In the meantime the team I worked in had hired a young woman, Betty. I got on well with her, mostly because she had secretly phoned me before accepting the position (we had a mutual friend). Then one day Annie came to me and we had a short cryptic conversation. I didn’t understand it. All I knew was that after it Annie stopped speaking to me. The conversation had been about Betty.

Eventually I became so troubled with this I asked my daughter about the conversation, since that was the last thing that might have caused it. I thought I had said something insensitive. My daughter told me that it was obvious Annie was deeply jealous of Betty. I asked a couple of female friends about this and was told the same. That was when I realised that she loved me, but that I had also completely lost her. It was the worst time of my life.

I still love her. I always will. I did eventually tell her the truth by email but after a few emails she stopped talking. I suspect she is married now, to the guy she described as a ‘bastard’. I can never love another woman like that. I loved my ex-wife for 20 years, but I loved Annie even more than that. I always thought that at least I would be friends with her but now I know I don’t even get that consolation.

I hate to lie to you, but I’m scared to say the truth

Posted by Anonymous in Love on Jul 17th, 2010 | 4 comments

I felt like crying the other night. You asked me what was wrong.I said I didn’t know why. I lied. You asked if it had anything to do with you. I lied about that, too.
The truth is:
There are always many girls who like you. You don’t know why, you tell me you don’t understand. You’re amazing, incredible and the most wonderful caring person I have ever met. I know that almost all of those girls are prettier than me and nicer than me. And it makes me wonder why you’re with me. I’m no good for you. I’m a selfish bitch, I never do anything for you. You tell me how much I matter, but for some reason, I feel like you haven’t seen me for the bitch I am. You deserve so much better than me. I’m so afraid about how I would function without you. When I’m with you, my worries fade away. But, when I go home and lay in my bed at night, I can’t help but think about how much I don’t deserve you. You wondered once why I’m possessive. I don’t want you to realize that any one of those girls is better than me in so many ways. You are my everything, I can’t bear to lose you. I love you and always will.

This is what I will confess to you one day:

Posted by nicedoesnotequalweak in Love on Jul 16th, 2010 | 4 comments

Tis better to have loved and lost…and have your heart removed and tossed…against a solid granite wall…than never to have loved at all.

I found that poem in an art supplies catalog of all things. At first it made me chuckle. Then it made me think of you because its so true.

When you told me that you were in a relationship with that girl, I remember the exact day, time, and exactly what I was doing. Jan 27, 2007. Approx. 6:45. I was getting ready to go to choir rehearsal. When I got there I couldn’t stop crying but I kept trying to sing. I must have looked absolutely ridiculous cuz I know I’m kinda ugly when I cry. The minister of music ended rehearsal early. Then I went to J’s apartment and literally WAILED like a banshee on her couch for a good 25 minutes. I didn’t find out until later that she was in the middle of getting laid when I came over. Now thats what I call a best friend. She’ll put a f**k on hold to try and console you. (So thats why the bedroom door was closed…Sorry Gerald)

I thought I wouldn’t be able to take the loss of you. I prayed to God every night to take it away. You were the only person in the world that I wished I had never met. Thinking back, I can’t believe how little control I had over my tears. I remember my boss trying to explain to me what type of excel spreadsheet he wanted me to create and I was weeping the whole time with my face strategically turned away from him. My mother caught my crying one time and started slapping me on my back really hard cuz she is so damn heavy-handed. “You gotta stop all this crying now baby…try not to think about it so much” Try not to think about it so much?? I had lost this precious diamond that I was never gonna get back.

We tried to talk a little bit as if things were normal. I told you that exes only stay friends in the movies. That sh#t didn’t happen in real life. I couldn’t take you choosing that damn girl. I didn’t even know her and I despised her…and I was ashamed cuz I’m not that kind of person. I became one of those crazy stalkery ex-girlfriends. I’d use any excuse to drive by your apartment and if I saw that unfamiliar car in the driveway…oh god the waterworks! I remembered your passwords…so I would check your email, 5, 6 times a day and I’d see those terrible love notes between the two of you. I still remember the worst one, you wrote something along the lines of “why do I miss you so?” That one cut me to the bone.

I used to think that people who stopped eating due to stress was bulls##t. Now I know better. A few days after we were quits I saw a piece of fried chicken (which I normally LOVE) and I felt my stomach turn a flip. Then I couldn’t EAT anything anymore. How the hell did you manage to do that to me? I knew I had to put something in my body so I ate a grapefruit cuz that seemed mild enough to my stomach. And thats what I ate for 3 f##king weeks. Three weeks of grapefruit!

The very last time we talked, I kept asking you why…why…why…what was so special about that f##king girl??? I kept asking why because I was fumbling towards the unthinkable. I was going to BEG you to return to me. I was gonna grovel and whimper and BEG you to choose me. I was gonna throw away all pride and self respect to fall down at your feet and plead for you to come back to me. I was gonna do it…but I didn’t. I don’t know what stopped me, but thank God it did. I would have been broken if I had and there would have been no going back. I think I know what Meatloaf was talking about in that “I would do anything for love…but I won’t do that” song. I used to think it was taking a fist up a$$ but I know better now. He wouldn’t beg that bitch to come back to him. But I digress.

So I didn’t beg you for anything. I told you that you chose a life that didn’t include me anymore. I would accept that, but a pleasant phone call ever now and again wasn’t doing sh#t for me. I told you that I wouldn’t ever call you again, and I asked you to do the same.

I think we had the love affair to end all love affairs. I thought I was gonna die from the loss of you. I didn’t. I still miss you. I still love you. And even though you broke my heart, I’m so happy that we were a pair. Even though I lost you, I’m so glad I got to love you. Somebody else will come along, and I’ll be capable of loving them well. But you were my very best thing.

To anybody with a broken heart- It WILL get better. It might not feel like it at all. But it will get better, and you’ll be all the stronger for it. YOu just have to ride that wave until it arrives at the shore. Your hurt is NOT gonna last forever.