Secret Confessions

My partner of 8.5 years left me for his paid whore who works for him. Our child was 6 months old and he threw me out on the pretense that he couldn’t trust me…they make me so sad for the human race. I truly loved this person who I thought was a real man, the joke was on me, he is the opposite of a man, he is a coward. I would have been less broken hearted if he would have been honest and told me he no longer loved me; instead he made a bullet point list of things that were wrong with me and kicked me out.
He also continues to deny the affair even after I have proof that they have been together since before I got pregnat. Why are unfaithful man so gutless? And to top if off I found out he bought the same vibrator to both of us!!! I wonder if he actually bought more than 2 and got a “bulk” purchase discount so he could gift all his whores?
Almost forgot, he takes Cialis (the pills fell out of his jean pockets after a night out and when I asked him what the litle yellow pills were the idiot said his friend gave them to him as a “joke”, yeah, right).

I will survive better and stronger and will NOT look back other than to be thankful that I am no longer involved with such a lowlife.
Now back to getting better and making sure my next guy is a MAN and not a freaking pussy who thinks ******* lots of women at the same time make him a MAN.

I think I’m going crazy. I’m married and I was having an affair with a man who was also married for almost 8mo. I was literally falling in love with him, he would go to extremes just to see me even if it was for 5 minutes. Everything was perfect. The sex was great. His wife found out about us and asked me to stop seeing him so I tried and he wouldn’t let me and told me that he was going to take me away from my husband. About a week after his wife found out about the affair he was killed. His wife called me and told me that he was shot and died at the scene. My heart sank and now Im going crazy… its been 3mo since he passed and I cant get over it. I miss him so much… I have considered hurting myself because of it.

I had a baby when I was 16 and had no boyfriend because daddy decided a baby wasn’t his thing, afterward I continued to sleep around. Finally I had a real boyfriend and he abused me, I finally got out right before he began to hurt my daughter. I went back to sleeping around and never letting anyone love me and definitely not loving anyone else. I always tried to get men to fall in love with me and then cut them lose when they do. Finally someone came along who really genuinely began to love me and I didn’t know how to love him, I had to much hurt so instead I lured him into sleeping with him, taking his virginity and then breaking up with him. He really loved me and I really hurt him… now I think I’m pregnant. Why can’t I love anyone? Why do I treat others like shit to make myself feel better? Why do I do all this behind my daughters back and yet I wouldn’t want her acting like this when she gets older? Why though do I do this to myself? Why do I have no confidence that maybe someone really can love me and not leave me or not be mean to me? Why does it seem like Love can never be real in my life?

I met my husband through the guy I was dating at the time, and he became my lover. It felt good to be bad. Then he proposed, we went exclusive, moved in together, and he’s been nothing but the sweetest man in the world to me ever since. He tells me he loves me all the time, writes me poems, he finished his education while working two jobs so I wouldn’t have to lift a finger, he spoils me with presents, he’s the most considerate lover I’ve had. He worships me. I love him, but sometimes I realize I liked it better when he was the “wrong” guy, the one I cheated with, the one who asked me to run away with him and never come back. And it’s killing me. He’s perfect and I’m the most ungrateful woman on Earth… but I can’t tell him after so many wonderful years, and we couldn’t live without each other, so I’m holding on. I love him, but not enough.

I pretend like I’m fine. Completely okay! Like it didn’t even affect me when he walked out. He’s one of the only guys I trusted with me heart, I actually wanted to be with him.
He dumped me. Now, I’m sitting here broken hearted…he was in love with his ex. Ugh. So because of him my life is all those stupid sappy broken hearted country songs put into one.
I have hope she’ll get cancer and die or something so he’ll come back.

i want you ********…you are amazing..im in love with you..and your my best friend! i cant help it but every time i see you i want to kiss you…you know im a lesbian and your bi..but your afraid to hook up with me..because of your ex! please just give me a chance..ill treat you right…give you everything..! im in love with you!! and you dont care

5 years ago , i remember. i was addicted to this online game . i go to this cybercafe EVERYDAY just to play that damn game . so… i saw you online. seeing that you have a lady username . i decided to talk to you and make friends .

we talked and talked. like good friends , although we only knew each other for less than a day.Before i log out , i just said “hey , i love you” . she said “thats what all guys says….” .

i went home and think , if what i said was correct . i mean , its less than a day , and i actually told someone that i love her? what?

so , for the next 2-3 weeks . we talked even more . getting closer to each other . like lovebirds already. she gave me her phone number , we’ll always talk on phone and stuff. we’ll send each other love messages to our cellphones and stuff.

soon after those love sessions we have , i get to know this another girl . shes hot and stuff. so , i start ignoring HER , going for that hot girl and stuff. before i know , shes already deeply in love with me . i was young . i have NO understanding about human relationships . all i want is to have fun .

so… that hot girl actually still love her ex-boyfriend . meaning i got played out . FINE , thinking back again . SHE was the one for me . she loved me with her heart . not caring who i am and stuff . so i asked her , if i still have a chance to “be together” with her . and yes , she gave me a chance. well , we’re back in those days again . happily ever after. UNTIL i found this yet another girl.

i was that foolish to give her up for this another girl . and the same thing happens again . i got played out again . and i decide to find her back again. well . this time , she says something like . “i still love you alot , but i will forget you one day” . being a extreme newbie on relationships in the past , i didnt know the seriousness of that message . well . i still can remember what she told me on my birthday . when we was chatting on msn . she told me “its very hard loving you , (my name)” . at that moment , i felt really painful in my heart. how i wish i can get another chance back again . but sadly , she has already given up on me , although she still love me alot .

time past…. we didnt really talk to each other much another . 6 months later . i gave her my cellphone number . so she messaged me , saying that its someone that cares for me . i know its her because i somehow remembered her cellphone number. i tell her , i wanna see you . can we PLEASE meet up? she says , no , i dont meet strangers . its alil painful in my heart but yes , we are strangers . so i started messaging to her everyday . giving her sweet good night messages . hoping that one day she might give me another chance or something . soon , she told me that she have a boyfriend already but i know that shes just trying to forget me , and making me forget her .but i was shattered , i didnt know what to do . all i can think is how stupid i am in the past to actually let her go .

another year pass . i still cant forget her . its really a pain to actually think of her everynight , and actually cry. time goes on , i’ve to actually think of an “excuse” to talk to her . and everytime , how i wish i have the courage to go “hey , i still love you…” but my balls shrink when the time comes.

yet another year passed . this time , i found out that she have a boyfriend , for real. so , i think that its finally time for me to actually forget and move on . i deleted her cell number and her msn contact from my list . and from that day onwards , we lost contacts till recently.

recently , i just couldnt take the agony and pain anymore . i asked my godsister , she says that i should just contact her again . AS A FRIEND this time. well , i sent an offline message , asking if she still remembers me . well , she still do . but i dont have the balls to talk to her . maybe after my exams . i will . this time , i’ll really try my best to get her back.

if your reading this . i just wanna tell you.

I LOVE YOU.

I am so in awe of you. I want to be with you, I think you are the most wonderful person on the planet. You are so smart and so sexy, and you don’t even know how wonderful you are. She can’t possibly appreciate you the way I do. I have always said that I would never cheat on my partner, but if you asked me to, I would, with you. You are so …fantastic, I can’t even put it in to words. I adore you and every time I see you I get butterflies in my tummy. I have to pretend to be normal just to keep you talking, to keep you there so you don’t leave. I think of things to ask you so I can steal a few minutes of your time, staring at you and your beautiful eyes without looking weird. Argh, it’s because of you that I get up every morning to go to work. It’s because of you that I go to the gym, trying to improve my looks so maybe, one day, you might want me back. It’s because of you that I stay on after I finish at night, just to catch a glimpse of you before I go home to sleep. I thought I was over this obsession when I didn’t see you for three months, but it’s back all the stronger now that I see you every day again. It’s driving me crazy but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I won’t say I love you, but I definitely could. You are everything I could want in a man and my partner is paling in comparison. He has no idea how strongly I feel about you.

God i hate his parents! Everytime they come to visit it s like I dont exist! I wanted to go to Gozo for the past 3 months and now tom he s taking them there for lunch! Obviously I am working so i cannot go and even if i did they didnt even invite me! I cant wait till they go back to where they belong!!!!

i am sick and tired of the pain….why cant you just see that i love you…???do you know how hard it is to pretend that i don’t feel anything when you hug or give me a kiss on the cheek?I WISH THAT THIS WILL ALL STOP…i tried spending some time away from you but it made things worse.I DON’T WANT TO JUST BE YOUR BEST FRIEND….and on top of that you are dating my other close friend…god will this pain ever end???

I’ve been a soldier for 6 years now. I’ve been to this place 4 times now. I’ve seen things that would keep most of you awake for the rest of your life. In all of the time I’ve spent here I only wanted my wife to love me, but as soon as I left the first time she started to party and see other people. She even moved to another state and didn’t tell me. When I came home she didn’t want anything to do with me. When I could get home she would leave. She didn’t even want to talk to me. The next time I deployed she didnt’ even write me letters and she continued to party. When I got home she didn’t stop this time. She would go out and sometimes not come home. She would come home drunk and demand sex. She was voilent and was always getting phone calls and texts from other men. I just kept on trying to love her because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Even though it hurt, even though I didn’t want to go home I stayed there. We fight over everything and she’s so untrusting of me. If I dont call every day she sends people to see what I’m doing. I hate her. It took so long to realize that I did but she’s ruined my brain.
Skip to now, I met someone eles. She’s 5 years younger than me but she’s so much woman. She’s beautiful. She’s more beautiful than the mountains, more beautiful than the sunset or sunrise. She’s more beautiful than anything god has ever put on this earth. She’s the most pure and real person I’ve ever met. I love her. When I say it I actually feel something inside. When she says it to me it’s like magic. Someone here told my wife about it. She went crazy and told me she would take our son away and I’d never see him again. I can’t let her do that because non of this is his fault. We tried to stop seeing each other but as it didn’t work. It’s too strong. Well it was until the rumors around here started. See I’m her superior, we can’t see each other for so many reasons…once the rumors started it was annoying…but then they started to hurt her feelings and she started to get angry..she took it out on me. She doesn’t want to see me anymore. She was gone for awile on another mission..we talked on email and messenger, but then she stopped. Now she’s back and she’s cold shouldered me every time I’ve tried to even say hello. I love her so much. I thought I could keep this all down but I can’t. I can’t even come close. We went to pick her up and bring her back to our platoon..as soon as I laid eyes on her it all came back up. My wife, she forces me to stay and play house. I hate this life. They say you might get lucky and find someone that you’re actually supposed to end up with. Someone that God wanted you to be with once in your life. Why did we meet so late? Why did I stay with my wife? Her name is Rebecca..the name even means lovley. She is everything to me and she doesn’t even want to talk to me. I reclassed into this job from an all male MOS. I thought I was so badass, but the second I met her she’s always been able to shut me down. Have you ever known anything that was so beautiful it could actually stop you in your tracks and make you forget what you were doing? I can’t even stand in the same room with her without my lips starting to tremble. I promised her after the last rumor that I wouldn’t come around her like before…but I thought that if two people loved each other they could find a way to talk…she wont even look at me anymore and I didn’t do a god damn thing to her except tell her that she’s beautiful and try to make her feel good every day of her life. Even when I was mad at her I could let it all go so easy. Maybe she didnt’ love me as much huh? I would have left my wife for her if she hadn’t found out and used our son against me. It would have been the first thing that i’ve ever done for me. I know that I made her feel horrible. We talked about all the places we would go together and things we wanted to do…and now none of it can happen. I just wish that wishing worked and she would find it in her hear to atleast smile at me. I hate my life.

I used to like the person you made me be. You used to make me feel strong and as if I wasn’t alone anymore. But with all of your lies and deceit here lately, I have found myself back to my usual stressed out unpleasant ways. Only now the stress is worse because of you. You lie, constantly and about the dumbest damn things, and you’ve proven to me just how little I actually mean to you.

I’m having your baby in a few months, and even though you say you love me and want to be there, your actions don’t show it.

Things were so perfect last year, but then you just got distant. You lie about things, I have proof that you’re lying, yet you deny it even in the face of pictures, confessions from the other people, etc. I drop it because it’s pointless to continue arguing when you just deny.

You’ve been gone for a month, yet now that we can talk again you don’t call and rarely text, I feel like an afterthought. You don’t say I love you or I miss you unless I say it first. I keep trying though, because I’m scared that if I stop you’ll just forget about me completely. If I say anything, you say I’m overreacting and that of course you love me. When we’re together everything feels fine, but as soon as you leave again, it feels like I’m out of sight out of mind.

You’re coming back soon, and the baby will be born. I wish I could just know how things are going to go, wish I could feel secure in the future. I worry sometimes that I’m just being paranoid, but then when I ask others they say that I have every reason to feel how I do, that I’m not imagining things. Even though you tell me that I am.

I just want to be one of those people who are in amazing relationships, I want our baby to have a mommy and a daddy. I know that our situation isn’t ideal, and I’m tired of lectures, what’s done is done and I just needed to get my feelings out.

we fell in love at 14. you left me and ignored me for four years. now i have you back, and you love me more than i have ever been loved before. you treat me like a princess.

but i still cry at night when you are asleep next to me because i miss my ex.

today she told me that she still loves me.
and even though she has hurt me so much, i cant let her go.

i know i love you more… you are the man i have been waiting for my whole life…

but i cant get her out of my mind.

I’m a girl and I have loved one of my best guy friends for the longest time. He used to love me a lot too, he told me this and everything, but I wasn’t ready to start something with him then.

So he fell for one of my other girl friends. And they became boyfriend and girlfriend. But one night he and I were alone together and we kissed. It became really complicated, and he asked me to tell him I loved him so he could leave my girl friend. But then I really cared about this girl friend, I felt terrible about what we had done and I felt I couldn’t do that to her. So I didn’t tell him.

Months later I was accepted into a college out of the country, and I would leave for the next school year in August. I was scared of saying goodbye and leaving whatever we had full of “ifs”. So I told him I loved him (around April). He asked me, in other words, if I would wait for him to get out of his relationship. I told him, also in other words, that I thought I would.

About a month passed, and about a week ago he broke up with his girlfriend. I still love him, and I know he still has feelings for me, we’ve been spending loads of time together since. I feel really happy and good about myself when I am with him, he makes me laugh and is just, in a way, imperfectly perfect.

I’ve been having problems with my girl friend, his ex, for reasons unrelated to him. She was really in love with him, and although he really cared about her it was never as much. So I feel like !”#$ for even thinking about getting together with him, but it’s not as if me and her are the greatest chums right now. Plus, everyone else would think I’m a terrible person, and I’d have broken that “code” where girls do not go out with their friend’s exes.

Thing is, I’m going to college. I’m leaving the country. And if I wanted to spend time with him, the sooner the better.

I just wish we could love each other without hurting anyone else. And in this case, I don’t know what’s worth more. Love or dignity? Being happy, or respecting other people? help!!

So I confess…
- I helped cheat on one of my girl friends
- I told a guy with a girlfriend I loved him
- and worst of all, I think I might be willing to sacrifice my dignity to be with a guy.

help?? am I seriously deranged?
Sorry for the long confession.