Secret Confessions » Hate

Suffering in Silence…

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 02:18:34 +0000

I want to die. It is all because of my mother. She hated/hates me, she had the nerve to tell me that she planned on aborting me. The only thing that saved my life was her friend. Well, i wish you would have!!!! She is a totally shallow person. She is definitely the reason why my childhood did not exist. While she was out partying, i was left to care for my siblings. While she was bring different men home, i was the one suffering; now having to live life completely screwed up. I feel like i can Never find happiness. I have built wall so high, that no one can get through. I am gonna die alone and miserable. I feel completely ugly and like i am not worthy of love. If neither one of my parents could love me, how could anyone else? And I can’t talk about these things with anyone but a therapist. I feel like a total burden to EVERYONE in my life. I HATE MYSELF!

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I Hate Being Stepmother

Anonymous — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 03:24:25 +0000

Being a stepmother is a straight nightmare. I never wanted children of my own but fell in love with a man who has his son 85 percent of the time and thought I could hack it. My stepson disrespects me even though I have bent over backwards for him. Visitation with his mother is very muchto her convenience. She drives a nice car and lives in a wealthy neighborhood yet she only pays $100 a month in child support! My husband refuses to remodify the payments because he doesn’t want to cause waves . I can kind of see his point of view however the situation leaves me financialy drained. It’s just not fair to me. And though I have been more of a mother figure than his mom I am not treated as an equal. I am becoming increasingly unhappy with the situation and have bailed before but I truly love my husband and have yreturned to try to make things work. However, as bad as this sounds I really feel nothing at all for my stepson. He is 8 years old and I am oanyawaynly going through the motions of being a stepparent. I am relieved when he is at his mother’s house and enjoy the time away from him. I dread when he comes back. I would never harm him in anyway but I wish so badly that he he would just go live with his mother. I can honestly say if I never saw him again I wouldn’t shed a tear or miss him one single bit! It would be AWSOME if he moved out of state and I could never see him again. I love the alone time my husband and the only reason I have lasted this long is because I love him so much. I know this may sound selfish but I miss my husbang

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I absolutely hate him

Anynomous — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 00:40:27 +0000

Everyday he tells me im shitty. He tells me he wishes I was dead. I have kept every single thing he has said or done as a grudge I dont care he is the shittiest father in this entire universe. If you had him as a father you would want to kill him as well

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Hate Hate Hate

Anon — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 09:22:56 +0000

I hate my sister.
I hate my brother.
I hate my mother.
I hate my father.
I hate my stepmother.
I hate my stepfather.
I hate my stepsister.
I hate my stepbrother.
I hate my uncle.
I hate my cousins.
I hate my grandfather.
I hate my stepmother’s dog.

I love my aunts.
I love my grandmother.
I love two of my cousins.

I hate Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Twilight, and any modern artist that makes pop or rap music.

I don’t even know if I still love my girlfriend.
I really want to kill myself sometimes. I really ******* do.

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how could this ever be forgivable

failure — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 07:19:16 +0000

I abused infant son.I screamed at him when he wouldnt stop crying.I smacked him on his thighs and he cried harder.i left him for meth. and came back in to his life and left…over and over.i missed his 5th birthday.im 24 now…i ******* hate my self.I ******* hate my self.He deserves a ******* wonderful life full of love and support…why the **** would god stick him with me?! I just really wish i could fix myself but i cant because im a ****** stupid weak ass excuse of a human being.

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I Want to Love Myself…..But I Just Don’t

Desperate — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 02:21:10 +0000

I have ALWAYS had issues with self-esteem. I try so hard to act confident because then other people believe you and eventually you believe it too. But it never works for me. In high school pretty much nothing ever went my way. I tried out for volleyball, auditioned for every single play of my high school career and tried to sing in the choir. I was rejected from all of it with the exception of being in the very back of the chorus my senior year (but I was barely on stage). I was never once asked to a dance by a boy, didn’t have one date or a boyfriend. I was in the hospital for half of my senior year with a terrible stomach illness and missed my prom. I am in college now and have applied to several leadership and community service programs. I was rejected from all of them. I had two roommates move out on me and I’m half way across the country away from my home. I have been seeing a councilor for many years now to try and figure this out and I have tried SO MANY things to help myself and get out of this rut. I don’t blame the world for my misfortune and I know I am capable of making good things happen to me….they just don’t seem to happen.

I auditioned for a jazz choir at my school and I was literally the only person that didn’t get in. I love singing so much and even though I have been rejected before, it hurts just as much this time. I’m sitting in the living room, crying my eyes out and my mom is sitting right next to me, reading the paper. She didn’t even ask what was wrong; she’s probably thinking “oh, she got rejected again. What else is new. It’s not like I have to say anything to her, it happens all the time”. Thanks, Mom.

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Dad

Me — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 07:44:12 +0000

You were disappointed in me when I came out, now that disappointment haunting me from beyond the grave. Do you hate me ?

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I want to fade away.

Anonymous — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 08:13:09 +0000

I just can’t deal with life anymore, I’m sick of taking antidepressants which do absolutely nothing. I hated the panic attacks and anxiety and shaking from the antidepressants, and then the pills to combat the side effects. When I never felt any benefit from them, and no benefit was noticed by others either. I want to die so badly. Just having to talk to all of my psychologists and psychiatrists who just ask me the same things over and over again achieving nothing but making it worse, and tell me others have it so much worse than I do, which is undoubtedly true. But making me question my very young childhood which I thought was perfect and now noticing things I think my father might have sexually abused me. I was a lovely little girl. The psychologists constantly make me relive my childhood where I was isolated and left alone and in the dark for years, and the abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.

To this day they tell me how much they love me every day at home.

I can’t stand everyone, we’re all so ugly, everyone I’ve ever known has let me down, and now someone else has let me down. It just feels like the last straw, and I know it’s something I’m never going to recover from.

I know there’s no God. It’s illogical. Regardless they wouldn’t have me. They were never there for me and they’re never going to be, no one is and I need to accept that. But I am scared of death. Not so much of hell and limbo because I don’t believe in that, but more that my consciousness will continue to survive through death and just prolong this living hell. But I can’t stand another monotonous day.

I don’t like anything anymore, or anyone. I don’t feel pleasure, I can’t feel pleasure. What pleasure IS there in this world? It’s horrible, and I’m one of the fortunate ones.

I have lazy anorexia minus being thin, I have no desire to exercise but forgoing food isn’t a problem and hasn’t been for the past seven years. I just hope it will kill me that way. I can’t walk down the street without feeling all eyes on me it’s horrible, I can’t see another pretty girl without being horrifically jealous. After all my self harms of razor blades and burning and pouring alcohol and hairspray into the wounds, the failed suicide attempts and scarring, the pain of being found and taken to a&e hurt more than the pills and the bleeding. Needless to say I probably deserve it.

My only regret in this life is that I didn’t try harder to break free from my mother’s physical grip and jump out of that window when I was seven.

In the end it’s not their fault. It’s mine and I know that. I’ve already let myself and everyone around me down. I’m not good enough, and no one else is good enough for me either. I still love them so much it hurts. The only reason I didn’t do it for years was because of how much it would hurt my mummy.

I’m 18, privately educated and statistically one of the brightest people in the world. If only my childhood had been different who knows what I could have done?

This confession is from Secret Confessions - I want to fade away. | Twitter Updates | 14 comments

Calling the cops on my creation

Soothed — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 01:58:20 +0000

I loathe everyone at my school. They all love me. I decided to throw a huge lingerie party filled with over flowing booze and planted with drugs galore. The setting was at a friend’s house who I can’t stand anymore. I came up with the idea, filled everyone’s head with it, they took it into action. The night came, and I am in my bed, getting a great night’s sleep, no where to be found at the party.
So the cops are on their way, it’ll be only minutes till the quiet neighborhood of unsuspecting parents be rudely awaken by sirens and not to mention the countless teens running oh-so-bare in the 40 degree street trying to escape total punishment and embarrasment. Oh, the best part? I planned it on the first night of Spring Break. Happy break kids, I won’t be seeing you all around :)

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I wish my brother was dead… he’s 12.

Anony — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 05:50:38 +0000

I hate my brother and he’s 12 years old and I’m 31. I wish he was dead. I dream about killing him in his sleep. When he’s at school, I spit all over his pillow when he’s at school and I deliberately sabotage him. I love to watch him get in trouble.

This confession is from Secret Confessions - I wish my brother was dead… he’s 12. | Twitter Updates | 21 comments